Re: new, in tears, wondering if i even belong here

[Guest guest]

Hi Staci,

Gosh, I can so identify with your post. Guilt, slander, criticism,

cut out of will, calling you cold. Do you try to maintain physical

distance to protect yourself? Not necessarily physically? I think

I'm cold to my mother because when she did hug me as a child it was

because she needed something from me like I was filling some

emptiness in her instead of her giving me love. I really think this

is why I recoil from her. I hope you find support here. It's a safe

place to come to get some validation for your feelings.

cntbreathe

>

> hi

> i'm staci

> i'm here because i seem to be experiencing a relationship with a BP

> mother.

> or am i?

> sometimes she is so nice and then sometimes absolutely unbearable.

> we are beginning to reconcile after a painful, two-month

estrangement.

> we just do not seem to get along, and i feel (as does she) that it

is

> my fault.

> or is it?

> actually, all i feel is confusion, and that has been the story of

my

> life.

> i don't even know where to begin, or how to describe her.

> she is intense; she needs her demands met immediately.

> she has always used guilt to control my actions, to get me to do

what

> she wants me to do.

> she is critical, but not judicious; in other words, she does not

ever

> hold back from criticizing me, and by extension, my husband.

> she is intensely attached to my 1-year-old daughter, and has

accused

> me, both directly and indirectly, of not caring for her properly.

> she has also made faces behind my back, in front of others, when i

> have taken the baby from her, and has told me that she will leave

the

> baby money in a trust, of which my brother will be the trustee, as

i

> am incapable, since my husband will probably convince me to take

the

> money out and give it to him.

> she has told me that i am completely cut out of her will, and she

has

> given me the silent treatment for a week, anytime i have expressed

> annoyance at her intense behavior.

> a lifelong smoker, she is ill with emphysema and rheumatoid

> arthritis, and has told me numerous times she wants to kill

herself,

> yet she refuses to quit smoking.

> she has written me emails telling me i am a terrible person, cold

and

> uncaring, and that she cannot imagine how she could have raised

such

> a person.

> etc., etc.

> my perspective feels completely skewed.

> am i in the right place?