guess who's not coming to dinner

[Guest guest]

List-eners,

Okay, I've just taken a major first step. I arrived in town, and

nada tried to arrange it yet AGAIN for me to be trapped at dinner in

public w/her and the four lackies. The minute I arrived, she called

me from the road, asking if I wanted her to pick me up for dinner

and (of COURSE) the lackies would meet us! Guess what--blaming it

on work so as not to set her bells off, I said NO!! I asked if they

could bring me something home. Things are going to have to be

different from now on, everyone--I am going to have to stick to

these simple rules. It makes me sad, the idea of never going out to

eat w/them all again, but I know it's the best thing for me, and of

course it was always extremely painful for me in the first place.

Now she'd better not f*ing try to get all takeout and bring the

lackies here, to try and trap me into a meal HERE with all of them.

If she does that, I will not sit around the table with them--I will

blame work and take the damned food upstairs.

I also want to say that life is bigger than this. I have something

important to do here, and the world is bigger than nada trying to

push and pull me to get her way, and the effect it has on me. There

are important things to do in the world, and nada's self obsession,

as frightening as it is for her child, I won't let it consume me. I

will rise above it and take a place in the world. It's hard, but I

have to. If all I think about these next 36 hours is how nada is

affecting me and how I respond to nada, then I am doing wrong too,

because I am being as small as she is. But, I know better. I'm

going to follow my rules and keep grounded as best I can until this

storm is over. And not book doctor's appointments that involve

overnight stays ever again, even on major holidays when it may seem

safe.

Meanwhile though input is very welcome, bks I am far from safe right

now.

Thanks everyone

Charlie