An alert from the midwest tourism board

[Guest guest]

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners andCalifornians cross states such as Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Illinois,Indiana, and Ohio - those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set ofinformation guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand theMidwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering thestate: 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work beforebreakfast than you do all week at the gym. 2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you'regoing to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four-wheel drive because Ineed it. Drive it or get it out of the way. 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.Yeah,we saw Bambi. We got over it. 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will getyou whipped... by our women. 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if aflathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for thoselittle trout you fish for....bait. 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot. 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making theirfinal approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up toyour ear at the time. 8. That's right. Whiskey at the local Bar is only two bucks. We can buya fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink. 9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Orderit rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two poundsof ham and turkey. 10. You may bring Coke into my house, but it better be brown, wet, andserved over ice. 11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We'rereal impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we usetwo weeks a year. 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop whenit s red. We may even stop when it's yellow. 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So,you're a feminist. Isn't that cute. 14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushiand caviar? It's available at the bait shop. 15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't likeit? Go Home !! 16. Interstates 80 & 90 go two ways--Interstates 69 & 65 go the othertwo. Pick one and use it accordingly. 17. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's areligious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church. 18. So every person in every pickup waves... It's called being friendly.Understand the concept? 19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the ball into the waterhazard. It spooks the fish. 20. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for drivinglike an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is. Now, enjoyyour visit and go home.

Be good to yourself,LizAttitude determines altitude. - unknown