Re: Nada interruptions and neglect--Individuality

[Guest guest]

Sofia,

Constant interruptions--my nada still does this. Your story

validates my childhood so much! In particular it reminds me of an

incident where we were watching a tv show about aliens, and I said

wow, can you imagine, what if it's really true, extra-terrestrial

life, can you imagine the impli-- she cut me off and said, " Miracle

whip is good on asparagus! "

!

Charlie

> > > > > Hello Sylvia,

> > > > >

> > > > > I know when I told her my son was autistic (Aspergers),

she

> > > said " At

> > > > least he's not retarded. " Such a stupid comment.

> > > > >

> > > > > But this is nada. Never on track.

> > > > >

> > > > > Love

> > > > >

> > > > > Ymad

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

Sofia,

Constant interruptions--my nada still does this. Your story

validates my childhood so much! In particular it reminds me of an

incident where we were watching a tv show about aliens, and I said

wow, can you imagine, what if it's really true, extra-terrestrial

life, can you imagine the impli-- she cut me off and said, " Miracle

whip is good on asparagus! "

!

Charlie

> > > > > Hello Sylvia,

> > > > >

> > > > > I know when I told her my son was autistic (Aspergers),

she

> > > said " At

> > > > least he's not retarded. " Such a stupid comment.

> > > > >

> > > > > But this is nada. Never on track.

> > > > >

> > > > > Love

> > > > >

> > > > > Ymad

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

Sofia,

Constant interruptions--my nada still does this. Your story

validates my childhood so much! In particular it reminds me of an

incident where we were watching a tv show about aliens, and I said

wow, can you imagine, what if it's really true, extra-terrestrial

life, can you imagine the impli-- she cut me off and said, " Miracle

whip is good on asparagus! "

!

Charlie

> > > > > Hello Sylvia,

> > > > >

> > > > > I know when I told her my son was autistic (Aspergers),

she

> > > said " At

> > > > least he's not retarded. " Such a stupid comment.

> > > > >

> > > > > But this is nada. Never on track.

> > > > >

> > > > > Love

> > > > >

> > > > > Ymad

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

My nada used to do this all the time! It remains one of my triggers,

when I'm talking to someone and they start doing something else it

upsets me, more than it should. I used to simply stop talking when I

lost eye contact, but then realized most people ARE actually

listening, even if they're not 100 percent focused on what I'm saying.

Funny how when I was not 100 percent focused on what nada was saying

that she'd fly into a rage. Definitely a double standard there.

> No wonder a lot of times I used to just shut down. Even as a child

> I would try to talk to her and she would completely ignore me and

> then walk off and deliberately start doing something, even to the

> point of picking up the newspaper and start reading out loud some

> random article that she couldn't care less about.

[Guest guest]

My nada used to do this all the time! It remains one of my triggers,

when I'm talking to someone and they start doing something else it

upsets me, more than it should. I used to simply stop talking when I

lost eye contact, but then realized most people ARE actually

listening, even if they're not 100 percent focused on what I'm saying.

Funny how when I was not 100 percent focused on what nada was saying

that she'd fly into a rage. Definitely a double standard there.

> No wonder a lot of times I used to just shut down. Even as a child

> I would try to talk to her and she would completely ignore me and

> then walk off and deliberately start doing something, even to the

> point of picking up the newspaper and start reading out loud some

> random article that she couldn't care less about.

[Guest guest]

LOL Charlie! I mean, how sad that she'd invalidate you like that,

but what an incredibly lame and inane comment on your nada's part. I

seem to recall mine made comments like these at the most

inappropriate moments, but I can't seem to remember them.

I can see why they make comedies out of BPD on TV shows because of

stuff like this - too bad they can't see what it actually does to

KOs.

> In particular it reminds me of an

> incident where we were watching a tv show about aliens, and I said

> wow, can you imagine, what if it's really true, extra-terrestrial

> life, can you imagine the impli-- she cut me off and

said, " Miracle

> whip is good on asparagus! "

>

> Charlie

[Guest guest]

Sofia,

Yes - that is exactly what my nada does! And, whenever she would

make something expensive for dinner, she would say things

like....your dinner cost $XXXX, or that is 50 cents a bite. I used

to think this is because she grew up in the depression, but I am not

sure anymore!

For years, my sister and I had been telling her that she was

interrupting. Her reactions were always funny. Most of the tims she

would just keep on talking -- cause she's not listening to anyone

else. Or she would give us a blank stare...like what in the world

are YOU talking about. Oh my...I am really glad I don't have to

listen to that. Two years ago I did go to an Easter dinner at my

sister's home. As soon as the meal was finished I got up and sat in

a different room. I knew it was rude, but nada was doing what she

likes best - bashing people she doesn't even know. Every one just

sits and lets her go on and on. When my children were little, I

would stop her, because I didn't want them exposed to that type of

behavior. Now I just don't want to be around it.

Letting your daughter express herself in her bedroom is great. It

will show that you respect her as a separate individual. And it will

set the example for her respecting others.

Take care,

Sylvia

> > > > > Hello Sylvia,

> > > > >

> > > > > I know when I told her my son was autistic (Aspergers), she

> > > said " At

> > > > least he's not retarded. " Such a stupid comment.

> > > > >

> > > > > But this is nada. Never on track.

> > > > >

> > > > > Love

> > > > >

> > > > > Ymad

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

Sofia,

Yes - that is exactly what my nada does! And, whenever she would

make something expensive for dinner, she would say things

like....your dinner cost $XXXX, or that is 50 cents a bite. I used

to think this is because she grew up in the depression, but I am not

sure anymore!

For years, my sister and I had been telling her that she was

interrupting. Her reactions were always funny. Most of the tims she

would just keep on talking -- cause she's not listening to anyone

else. Or she would give us a blank stare...like what in the world

are YOU talking about. Oh my...I am really glad I don't have to

listen to that. Two years ago I did go to an Easter dinner at my

sister's home. As soon as the meal was finished I got up and sat in

a different room. I knew it was rude, but nada was doing what she

likes best - bashing people she doesn't even know. Every one just

sits and lets her go on and on. When my children were little, I

would stop her, because I didn't want them exposed to that type of

behavior. Now I just don't want to be around it.

Letting your daughter express herself in her bedroom is great. It

will show that you respect her as a separate individual. And it will

set the example for her respecting others.

Take care,

Sylvia

> > > > > Hello Sylvia,

> > > > >

> > > > > I know when I told her my son was autistic (Aspergers), she

> > > said " At

> > > > least he's not retarded. " Such a stupid comment.

> > > > >

> > > > > But this is nada. Never on track.

> > > > >

> > > > > Love

> > > > >

> > > > > Ymad

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

Sofia,

Yes - that is exactly what my nada does! And, whenever she would

make something expensive for dinner, she would say things

like....your dinner cost $XXXX, or that is 50 cents a bite. I used

to think this is because she grew up in the depression, but I am not

sure anymore!

For years, my sister and I had been telling her that she was

interrupting. Her reactions were always funny. Most of the tims she

would just keep on talking -- cause she's not listening to anyone

else. Or she would give us a blank stare...like what in the world

are YOU talking about. Oh my...I am really glad I don't have to

listen to that. Two years ago I did go to an Easter dinner at my

sister's home. As soon as the meal was finished I got up and sat in

a different room. I knew it was rude, but nada was doing what she

likes best - bashing people she doesn't even know. Every one just

sits and lets her go on and on. When my children were little, I

would stop her, because I didn't want them exposed to that type of

behavior. Now I just don't want to be around it.

Letting your daughter express herself in her bedroom is great. It

will show that you respect her as a separate individual. And it will

set the example for her respecting others.

Take care,

Sylvia

> > > > > Hello Sylvia,

> > > > >

> > > > > I know when I told her my son was autistic (Aspergers), she

> > > said " At

> > > > least he's not retarded. " Such a stupid comment.

> > > > >

> > > > > But this is nada. Never on track.

> > > > >

> > > > > Love

> > > > >

> > > > > Ymad

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

I don't remember my Nada interrupting. She was always on my case if I

ever interrupted anyone, though. I didn't learn.

Fada was allowed to interrupt. My kid brother was allowed to interrupt.

My wife often interrupts when I am talking. She says it is because I

am not talking about things that interest her. I say she should bring

up a topic that interests her, and on the rare occasions when she does,

I do my best to listen and participate. I don't really mind when she

interrupts, except when says " You always talk in monologues and you are

never interested in me " . A monologue is when one person talks and the

other doesn't. The alternative to monologue is silence, and I can't

put up with silence full time. It seems my wife interrupts when I am

talking, to shut me up, but does not initiate conversations when I am

silent.

- Dan