Guilt

[Guest guest]

Hello Everyone,

In a phone conversation the other day with my Non sister we were discussing the

big " G " ..... Guilt. Discussing this along with the sadness that comes from

having to " cut out " so many family members and knowing we'll never have the

family we wish we could have had. I guess this sadness is sort of a mourning

process. But as we are mourning, there is also guilt. Sometimes I have the guilt

under control by thinking of all the harm that was done in childhood. Sometimes

I have the guilt under control by thinking of the comments and " slights " that

have been dished out through my adulthood. The attempst at manipulation. The

" rewriting " of history. The denial of abuses from the past. This is all pretty

good ammunition most of the time to keep the guilt at bay. But then there are

the other times. Times when I think of my aging parents in their mid seventies.

Thoughts of knowing their health can only go downhill from here. I am No Contact

with them because it is the only way to save myself. I

feel strong in my conviction to stay No Contact. But sometimes the guilt can be

pretty sickening and " heavy " to deal with. I meditate...to the Higher Power and

this helps. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the guilt when it

does come in like a big engulfing wave?

Sincerely,

Crazy Land

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[Guest guest]

What I have finally realised, is that no matter how guilty I feel,

being with nada is worse. And yes, this is selfish. But my choice

here is to be selfish to take care of myself, or give in to nada, and

lose myself completely. This is what I am chosing between. I cannot

be me when I with nada, because she doesn't recognize ME. All she

sees is an extension of herself. And I can no longer be in that

environment - where I am only a shadow of something else, where I am

not recognized as an individual - where everyone is living a fantasy

lie and I have have nothing but the pain of the rejection and the

abuse.

I too feel sorry that my parents are elderly, and they do not have

the comfort of two loving children to help them. I also feel sorry

for the little girl who did not have the comfort of two loving

parents to protect and nurture her.

It is a very painful decision to have to make, and none of us really

wants this, but when we see what our choices are, it seems to be the

decision that has to be made.

Sylvia

> > Hello Everyone,

> >

> > In a phone conversation the other day with my Non sister we were

> discussing the big " G " ..... Guilt. Discussing this along with the

> sadness that comes from having to " cut out " so many family members

> and knowing we'll never have the family we wish we could have had.

I

> guess this sadness is sort of a mourning process. But as we are

> mourning, there is also guilt. Sometimes I have the guilt under

> control by thinking of all the harm that was done in childhood.

> Sometimes I have the guilt under control by thinking of the

comments

> and " slights " that have been dished out through my adulthood. The

> attempst at manipulation. The " rewriting " of history. The denial of

> abuses from the past. This is all pretty good ammunition most of

the

> time to keep the guilt at bay. But then there are the other times.

> Times when I think of my aging parents in their mid seventies.

> Thoughts of knowing their health can only go downhill from here. I

> am No Contact with them because it is the only way to save myself. I

> > feel strong in my conviction to stay No Contact. But sometimes

> the guilt can be pretty sickening and " heavy " to deal with. I

> meditate...to the Higher Power and this helps. Does anyone have any

> advice on how to deal with the guilt when it does come in like a

big

> engulfing wave?

> >

> > Sincerely,

> > Crazy Land

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

What I have finally realised, is that no matter how guilty I feel,

being with nada is worse. And yes, this is selfish. But my choice

here is to be selfish to take care of myself, or give in to nada, and

lose myself completely. This is what I am chosing between. I cannot

be me when I with nada, because she doesn't recognize ME. All she

sees is an extension of herself. And I can no longer be in that

environment - where I am only a shadow of something else, where I am

not recognized as an individual - where everyone is living a fantasy

lie and I have have nothing but the pain of the rejection and the

abuse.

I too feel sorry that my parents are elderly, and they do not have

the comfort of two loving children to help them. I also feel sorry

for the little girl who did not have the comfort of two loving

parents to protect and nurture her.

It is a very painful decision to have to make, and none of us really

wants this, but when we see what our choices are, it seems to be the

decision that has to be made.

Sylvia

> > Hello Everyone,

> >

> > In a phone conversation the other day with my Non sister we were

> discussing the big " G " ..... Guilt. Discussing this along with the

> sadness that comes from having to " cut out " so many family members

> and knowing we'll never have the family we wish we could have had.

I

> guess this sadness is sort of a mourning process. But as we are

> mourning, there is also guilt. Sometimes I have the guilt under

> control by thinking of all the harm that was done in childhood.

> Sometimes I have the guilt under control by thinking of the

comments

> and " slights " that have been dished out through my adulthood. The

> attempst at manipulation. The " rewriting " of history. The denial of

> abuses from the past. This is all pretty good ammunition most of

the

> time to keep the guilt at bay. But then there are the other times.

> Times when I think of my aging parents in their mid seventies.

> Thoughts of knowing their health can only go downhill from here. I

> am No Contact with them because it is the only way to save myself. I

> > feel strong in my conviction to stay No Contact. But sometimes

> the guilt can be pretty sickening and " heavy " to deal with. I

> meditate...to the Higher Power and this helps. Does anyone have any

> advice on how to deal with the guilt when it does come in like a

big

> engulfing wave?

> >

> > Sincerely,

> > Crazy Land

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

What I have finally realised, is that no matter how guilty I feel,

being with nada is worse. And yes, this is selfish. But my choice

here is to be selfish to take care of myself, or give in to nada, and

lose myself completely. This is what I am chosing between. I cannot

be me when I with nada, because she doesn't recognize ME. All she

sees is an extension of herself. And I can no longer be in that

environment - where I am only a shadow of something else, where I am

not recognized as an individual - where everyone is living a fantasy

lie and I have have nothing but the pain of the rejection and the

abuse.

I too feel sorry that my parents are elderly, and they do not have

the comfort of two loving children to help them. I also feel sorry

for the little girl who did not have the comfort of two loving

parents to protect and nurture her.

It is a very painful decision to have to make, and none of us really

wants this, but when we see what our choices are, it seems to be the

decision that has to be made.

Sylvia

> > Hello Everyone,

> >

> > In a phone conversation the other day with my Non sister we were

> discussing the big " G " ..... Guilt. Discussing this along with the

> sadness that comes from having to " cut out " so many family members

> and knowing we'll never have the family we wish we could have had.

I

> guess this sadness is sort of a mourning process. But as we are

> mourning, there is also guilt. Sometimes I have the guilt under

> control by thinking of all the harm that was done in childhood.

> Sometimes I have the guilt under control by thinking of the

comments

> and " slights " that have been dished out through my adulthood. The

> attempst at manipulation. The " rewriting " of history. The denial of

> abuses from the past. This is all pretty good ammunition most of

the

> time to keep the guilt at bay. But then there are the other times.

> Times when I think of my aging parents in their mid seventies.

> Thoughts of knowing their health can only go downhill from here. I

> am No Contact with them because it is the only way to save myself. I

> > feel strong in my conviction to stay No Contact. But sometimes

> the guilt can be pretty sickening and " heavy " to deal with. I

> meditate...to the Higher Power and this helps. Does anyone have any

> advice on how to deal with the guilt when it does come in like a

big

> engulfing wave?

> >

> > Sincerely,

> > Crazy Land

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dee,

Thanks so much for sharing these uplifting quotes. It's so helpful

to read these affriming statements from great writers! Why does it

make so much sense when you read something someone else wrote? And

when I tell myself these things there's a lot of doubt, must be those

Nada tapes playing in my head!

Thank-you,

cntbreathe

> Sylvia, Taking care of yourself is, in my view, not selfish. If

each

> of us does not take care of ourselves we will be of no use or

service

> to anyone else. I learned this when I had a house full of small

> children and so many demands were made on my time. I had to take

care

> of myself in order to be a good mother. It was not selfishness but

> wisdom I gradually learned. We have to love ourselves before we can

> love others.

>

> " There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy. "

> Louis son

>

> I like this quote and it has helped me. I have a collection of

quotes

> that help me. Here are a few in my file folder called Peace in any

> situation.

>

> " This above all: To thine own self be true and it must follow as the

> night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. "

> Shakespeare

>

> " Often the test of courage is not to die but to live. " Vittorio

Alfieri "

>

> " I am more and more convinced that our happiness depends far more on

> the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those

events

> themselves. " –Frederich H. Humboldt

>

> " Insanity is repeating the same thoughts and behaviors again and

again

> and expecting different results. To get a new outcome, you have to

> rewrite your agreement with reality. "

>

> " Change your thoughts and you change your world. " Norman

Peale

>

> These are just a few of what I have collected. Somehow, these

truths

> expressed in such a succinct manner lift me and help me when I feel

> down. Hope they are of some value to someone.