Re: [modoasis] Daughter's friend answers about BPD

[Guest guest]

I don't think it can really be challenged b/c my nada is a step ahead

of me. She has already negated anything I could possibly put out

there b/c she sucked this family in and put thoughts into their minds

already, way ahead, to make them believe I am the crazy one. She got

herself involved with them in time and way ahead of time etc etc, all

VERY calculated, so it's all been explained away that nada's acts of

desperation at all were only out of love for my daughter b/c I took

her away from her grandmother. So do you still think we should

challenge it?

Theresa

> I'd tell her that what she knows about BPD is the surface description. The

> fact that she has failed to glean, is that often BPD's are very high

> functioning with acquaintances - is an acquaintance - she is not

> someone who has a long term " close " relationship with a BPD - who are more

> commonly the targets/victims of the BP's rages and abuses.. (BTW, Theresa,

> in general it would be better to scrub names from things you post - your

> name is fair game to include, but shouldn't include other's names)

> Her friend obviously cares, but has no concept of the kind of irrational

> abuse that she is capable of. Your daughter should tell her that doesn't she

> think there must be something pretty serious for me to not to want to see

> her? Don't you think there must have been something pretty serious for my

> grandfather to just leave? I'd suggest she read SWOE if she's really

> interested, but most likely I think it would best to J to respect and trust

> your daughter, if she can't do that, she's not worth having as a friend.

> It's also worth asking her if she has ever interacted with someone who is

> crazy and was angry at them. The advice I got from a psychiatrist is,

> " anytime you are expecting to have a rational conversation with someone with

> BPD, you're setting yourself up for failure. "

> I'd also point out to J that all the examples of past bad behavior she

> indicates are recent due to the non-contact, I'm assuming that you and your

> daughter have 100's (1,000's?) of examples of bad behavior in the past. It's

> important to let her know that it's not about anything in that past couple

> of months, it's because of YEARS of bad behavior and you are following

> psychological advice because you were unwilling to continue the way it was.

> Also I get the feeling from the note that she thinks your daughter is being

> prevented from seeing grandma, it's actually the case that she's just as fed

> up.

> What she's not getting is that she's expecting someone with to be a raving,

> drooling lunatic - They aren't, to superficial relationships they can seem

> very normal, even really great. (It's called splitting . . . :-)

>

> She's making a lot of assumptions and you need to challenge the assumptions:

>

> - Why would nada's husband just up and leave?

> - Why did she come to our house and physically break windows?

> - why would we decide that a non-contact policy was best?

> - Why do psychologists recommend non-contact with BP's?

> - Why would we subject ourselves to all the trouble we are dealing

> with regarding this if there wasn't something significant happening?

>

> Good Luck,

>

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