Re Thx Dee

[Guest guest]

Don't feel too bad about not having understood about your futile

attemp to make a nada happy. I have really only understood it for

about a year now and I will have my 62nd birthday next. I am a late

bloomer to the healthy KO community. My mother is now 95 years old.

I still have contact with her daily as my Father just passed on April

8 at the age of 98. The best thing for me now is that I am able to

support her the best I can without the guilt, anxiety and resentment I

always had before. I have found just since my Dad's passing that I

feel some level of compassion for her. She is so unhappy every minute

of her waking hours. I believe the statement in SWOE when he says as

miserable as a BP makes your life, they are many times more miserable.

I am fortunate in that my nada never was a rager and didn't run me

down. She just gave me tons of guilt,and was intrusive and

controlling. I was SO enmeshed and felt so responsible for her. I know

BPD comes in individual form with each person who has it. Many on the

board have no other choice than to go NC. I support and understand

them. I feel this truth I have learned is one of the most important

things I have learned my whole life long. Giving up trying to " make "

others happy applies to many more situations in life than just with a

nada.

One of my fleas was trying to do that for my children, friends,

husband and though I wansn't as obsessed as my nada I'm sure at times

I was a pain to my family. I have been able to communicate to my

children (especially my daughters) how sorry I am that I didn't learn

all this earlier. We have a much closer, more normal relationship now

and I am loving it. This journey is not easy and it takes time, but

making it is so worth it. I am a different person inside.

Dee