Rough Day

[Guest guest]

Last night & today has been rough on me. I try not to let myself

feel sorry for Sky or myself, but the past 48 hours I've been

struggling. I still feel like we've been swept away into an

alternate universe. It's been a month and a half since we got Sky's

diagnosis & I still feel as lost as ever. I'm struggling over what

therapies & treatments to start Sky on & trying to figure out how

we'll pay for it. She's getting O.T. & S.T. through E.I. & we're

staring Tomatis in May. I'm pretty sure we're going to try

Floortime, but I keep going back and forth if we should do ABA.

Everytime I read about ABA at first I think it all sounds great &

then other times I think it will be hell for her considering her

sensory issues. We found out this week our insurance company isn't

paying for all of our Ped. Neuro. visits which we originally thought

was covered. It doesn't look like the insurance company is going to

be much help paying for anything she may need in the future. I

contaced SSI today & we make too much money to get any kind of

benefits. I called Medicaid too & got the same response. My husband

makes too much money, but not enough to pay for all these extras.

We're refinancing our house next week to get a lower interest rate &

to pay off one of our cars. We're planning on putting the extra

money toward Sky's therapies, but it's still not enough.

Today after I made the phone calls to SSI & Medicaid I decided to

take a break from all this. My girls were napping so I decided to

fix me a soda & read for awhile. I was standing in front of the

kitchen sink & tears just poured out of my eyes from nowhere. I

cried so hard I couldn't stand & just sank to the floor. I prayed

over & over for God to make me strong and to help me be the person my

girls need. I just don't feel like I can do all of this.

Sky's twin sister, Rain, has been acting out for the past couple of

weeks. We all know why. She's feeling like Sky is getting lots of

attention because of all the theapy we're doing with her. I usually

include Rain in the therapy sessions, but I think she can sense it's

all about Sky. I took Rain to the movies yesterday & let Sky stay

with our sitter. I'm hoping I'll be able to schedule at least one

day a week to do something with Rain by ourselves. I know this won't

fix how she feels, but I don't know what else to do. I'm constantly

hugging & kissing my girls all day & telling them I love them. I

don't want either one of them to feel neglected or that they aren't

loved. I'm just feeling overwhelmed by this diagnosis & what comes

with it. Not to mention all the regular everyday things on top of

that. I feel like I'm loosing my grip & everything is suffering

because I can't cope. I don't know how the rest of you do it all!

I'm sorry this is so long & yes I know it sounds like a big old pitty

party, but I just need to share these feelings with someone who

understands. If you got this far thanks for listening.

Wendie