Guest guest Posted November 2, 2004 Report Share Posted November 2, 2004 Hi Ch: I find that never allowing myself to be alone with my NADA helps tremendously. I can more easily " keep my cool " and she usually doesn't act up. I also can get some sort of validation of what actually has/has not been said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 2, 2004 Report Share Posted November 2, 2004 {{{charlotte}}} You are doing just fine! That anxious feeling is normal....your body is telling you that you are going into dangerous territory! But good for you for doing so. Each time we can do something like this, we gain strength! And big congrats on going through this to vote! Take care, Sylvia > > dear posters, > > I need to post because I find myself in the terrible position of > having to drive to nada's to vote today. I'm about to take off in a > few minutes. I am trying to fake her out--avoid cutting off all > contact--but I don't think it's working. > > Anyway, here are my 'rules'. Nada is starting to notice I'm not > coming around, and she's been reacting. Today she may try > to 'confront'. I know that any 'discussion' would not really be > communication, but instead nada trying to soothe her demons through > the usual techniques of projecting, abuse, etc. So I refuse to > participate, even if she tries. What she is going to try is to make > me feel bad for never visiting, and to try and prompt me to somehow > blame it on her so she can start her waif/witch projection thing. > She may also issue no-win statements, where there is no graceful > response. Here are my rules: I will tell her I am busy with work, > and describe that work to her in cursory details. I will tell her > nothing of my social life or romantic life. (This one isn't that > hard bks it's been the rule for years now). If I get pressure like > we never see you, etc., I will just keep repeating how busy I am and > that it's nice to see them, and I visit as much as I can. If I get > do you hate me or not love me, whatever, I will just keep repeating, > I am very busy. I will NOT get roped into using an ugly tone, > saying something like 'I have a life', etc etc. I will not let her > make me ugly as she LOVES to do. I will not discuss > our 'relationship' with nada. Those are my rules. It is also okay > for me to be angry (my anger has been surfacing lately) for all she > did to me in the past. At this point, her needs are completely > irrelevant to me. I am only surviving the best I can. > > I am still extremely anxious. This is just another example that I > must CUT anything that makes me dependent on nada. I am getting > there. I should have taken the time to register somewhere else. > Or, I should have NOT told her I was coming to vote. I'll know > better next time! > > This is hard. Thanks for being there, guys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 2, 2004 Report Share Posted November 2, 2004 {{{charlotte}}} You are doing just fine! That anxious feeling is normal....your body is telling you that you are going into dangerous territory! But good for you for doing so. Each time we can do something like this, we gain strength! And big congrats on going through this to vote! Take care, Sylvia > > dear posters, > > I need to post because I find myself in the terrible position of > having to drive to nada's to vote today. I'm about to take off in a > few minutes. I am trying to fake her out--avoid cutting off all > contact--but I don't think it's working. > > Anyway, here are my 'rules'. Nada is starting to notice I'm not > coming around, and she's been reacting. Today she may try > to 'confront'. I know that any 'discussion' would not really be > communication, but instead nada trying to soothe her demons through > the usual techniques of projecting, abuse, etc. So I refuse to > participate, even if she tries. What she is going to try is to make > me feel bad for never visiting, and to try and prompt me to somehow > blame it on her so she can start her waif/witch projection thing. > She may also issue no-win statements, where there is no graceful > response. Here are my rules: I will tell her I am busy with work, > and describe that work to her in cursory details. I will tell her > nothing of my social life or romantic life. (This one isn't that > hard bks it's been the rule for years now). If I get pressure like > we never see you, etc., I will just keep repeating how busy I am and > that it's nice to see them, and I visit as much as I can. If I get > do you hate me or not love me, whatever, I will just keep repeating, > I am very busy. I will NOT get roped into using an ugly tone, > saying something like 'I have a life', etc etc. I will not let her > make me ugly as she LOVES to do. I will not discuss > our 'relationship' with nada. Those are my rules. It is also okay > for me to be angry (my anger has been surfacing lately) for all she > did to me in the past. At this point, her needs are completely > irrelevant to me. I am only surviving the best I can. > > I am still extremely anxious. This is just another example that I > must CUT anything that makes me dependent on nada. I am getting > there. I should have taken the time to register somewhere else. > Or, I should have NOT told her I was coming to vote. I'll know > better next time! > > This is hard. Thanks for being there, guys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 3, 2004 Report Share Posted November 3, 2004 Hi Kim, Thanks so much for the support! I need and appreciate it. I found that I felt tremendously empowered by imagining everything that nada could do or say, and having a planned response for each. It didn't relieve the anxiety, but overall, when it was all over, I found that I needed very little recovery time! And yes, it is good to know our anxiety is natural and justified ... Nada was all about giving me gifts and what did I want for Christmas this visit. The attempt was to show how nice and wonderful she is, and how I'm not justified in disliking her company! Sigh... > > Charlotte, > > Sylvia is so right, I am so anxious at the moment cause NADA & CO. will be > in town in 3 weeks. I try so hard not to think about it, but man it is haard. > Sylvia's comment about your body telling you that you're about to go into > " DANGEROUS TERRITORY " is right on. That fight or flight reaction that those with > anxiety issues/panic often feel is hitting you hard...Very true also that > each time we can go over one mountain, the next mountain is more like a hill. > > You have loads of strength being sent your way from me, and hope all goes > well! > > ~Kim.b > > In a message dated 11/2/2004 6:40:48 PM Eastern Standard Time, > smhtrain2@y... writes: > > {{{charlotte}}} > > You are doing just fine! That anxious feeling is normal....your body > is telling you that you are going into dangerous territory! But good > for you for doing so. Each time we can do something like this, we > gain strength! And big congrats on going through this to vote! > > Take care, > > Sylvia > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.