Re: for those w/experience, hypersensitive?

April 23, 2005

Hi Theresa,

I think you have an exceptionally rotten nada who will always enmesh

herself with those people you associate with. I really, honestly

think that you will not have any consistent success with your nada

around. Your sister can have some boundaries that are successful

because she moved far away. IMO, you won't have that kind of success

with your nada until you take your daughter and move.

You need to remain true to yourself- if you are a bit shy about

starting conversations, that's okay. That is who you are. The world

would be a disaster if everyone were the same. My husband is a shy

type initally. I have come to realize that those who mis-take his

shyness for snobbiness are the ones that are losing out on a great

person.

I don't think you are really a hermit. I think that your nada's

constant intrusion into your life and friendships/accaintainces make

it impossible for you to be authentic. I hope you don't think I am

criticizing you- I don't want it to come across that way- I just

think you have one, insane nada, who won't let you be you. That in

itself would make me feel blue too.

Di.

Ok, I admit I can be hypersensitive about things sometimes. It's

like I am a boxer and always trying to dodge the hits, but sometimes

misjudge and think someone is walking up to hit when really they are

just walking up.

Anyway, lately with my blue feelings, I see I am so hermit like and

stand-offish and somewhat as though I am depressed. Well, nada is

going around making all kinds of connections with people, and plenty

happen to be with moms in the homeschool group that I never get to

be around b/c of my work schedule.

April 23, 2005

Hi Theresa,

I don't think you are hypersensitive. Your nada is intruding in

every aspect of your life. She seems to be trying to take your place

in everything. Just when you find a new friend, there she is taking

over again. IMO, she is mean and evil spirited, and is using

religion as a cover to convince everyone that she is kind and

loving. That is some of the difficulty of BPD, those outside the

family usually don't see what is really going on because nadas are so

good at pretending they are something they aren't.

And I may be paranoid here, but I don't think your nada is giving you

a truthful representation of the conversations she has with these

people - or with anyone else. Why doesn't she try to find friends

her own age, instead of your age? Isn't this the same thing she did

when you were a teenager?

Are you in a really small town? Is it possible to go to another

church? Is there any other way to get nada out of your life?

I know you get exhausted over the thought of selling your house, but,

with summer coming on, will you have a reprieve from homeschooling?

Can you use that time to get your house fixed up enough to sell it?

Your nada is making you and your daughter miserable. We can all

understand that, but there is no way to get your nada to understand

that. Her illness prevents her from understanding anything except

that she wants to get her needs met, and she will go to all these

lengths to do so. And I don't think that is going to change.

You are drained of energy, and your nada seems to have energy to

spare. Hmmmm, where do you think she is getting that extra energy

from?

If I couldn't keep my nada from intruding in my life, I would get the

heXX far enough away so that it was no longer a possibility.

Do things to take care of yourself,

Sylvia

> Ok, I admit I can be hypersensitive about things sometimes. It's

like

> I am a boxer and always trying to dodge the hits, but sometimes

> misjudge and think someone is walking up to hit when really they are

> just walking up.

>

> Anyway, lately with my blue feelings, I see I am so hermit like and

> stand-offish and somewhat as though I am depressed. Well, nada is

> going around making all kinds of connections with people, and plenty

> happen to be with moms in the homeschool group that I never get to

be

> around b/c of my work schedule. Now get this, my daughter had a

> homeschool dad be her confirmation sponsor just recently. Guess who

> nada is more friendly now with? The wife of that homeschool dad.

> The wife asked nada to go to a religiousmeeting with her. I kind of

> found out from nada (don't know how much of it is true) that she

just

> hapepned to call up this mom and talk about stuff, and in the

process

> the mom asked nada to go to this religious meeting every Tuesd. now

> nada knows about this particular religious meeting b/c it is with a

> religious group I am a member of but don't get to go to b/c it's

> during our homeschooling time in the morning. So, to me, it 's

like

> nada is trying to take over this new family b/c we have establishd

> with them in a way (the dad being my daughter's sponsor) and not

only

> that, but she wants to also become enmeshed in this religious group

I

> am a member of just b/c it's something I am a member of. I mean all

> these past years she had no interest in doing such thing. Nada

tells

> me " You wanted me to find people to be friends with besides you and

I

> do and you seem all upset about it " Well, I do want her to be

> friends with people besides me. I happen to be upset about it b/c

it

> appears that she is trying to enmesh with people I have anything to

do

> with so that she can flaunt how they think she is so friendly and

> wonderful, etc. I don't know if I should be truly upset about it

> like i am. I absolutely hate it nada picked up on that one, b/c

that

> is something she can try to continue to play on just so that I can

> continue to be miserable (even though she acts like she does not

want

> me to be miserable).

>

> Today I took my daughter to ride a horse at the stables (the owner

is

> the one where nada stalls her 3 miniatures. The owner does not have

> time to ride her own horse so wants my daughter to as she knows

> daughter rides well). Of course allthis communication of owner

> letting anyone know horse needs to be ridden is through nada. I

go

> over there with daughter and nada wants to come, too, so she comes.

> She acts all friendly with anyone and everyone who walks by. I just

> could not stand it any more b/c to me, it seemed she was just doing

> this to flaunt to me how friendly she is to people and how they like

> her, etc, and I am just a sour puss all keeping to myself. No, I

> don't tend to just walk up to strange people and strike up a

> conversatoin. That is just me. They may think I am stuck up b/c

> sometimes that is what happens. Now if they were to ask me a

> question or start talking about something I would get on a roll.

Me

> starting it is not a very likely happening. I have been that way my

> entire life. Nada now just takes advantage of that to make it

appear

> I am stuck up or depressed or mentally unstable, whatever.

>

> It really is annoying. I think I may be a little hypersensitive

> about this, but I can't seem to get UNfrustrated. If you have

been

> in this boat, what on earth have you tried to get out?

>

> Now, I do remind myself of what Sylvia said - don't need to have

> constant positive responses to know that I am worth something.

When

> I feel like this, I tell myself I am worth a lot and don't need

anyone

> else to tell me so.

>

> I just hate nada flaunting around me, if that is what she is doing

> (feels like it). I just read something in a magazine that really

> made me feel kind of better. It was talking about heroes in

> everyday life, and there was mention of heroes who never get in the

> headlines, and one of them was a single parent. I think KOs also

> ought to be on the list.

>

> Thanks!

> Theresa

April 25, 2005

Theresa,

Honestly, you are NOT hypersensitive at all. If I were in your

shoes, I would be flipping out. Nada is literally everywhere you

turn!!

Regarding your daughter, I will just speak from experience here.

When I was a teenager, if my parents wanted to move I would have

been so pissed. And I guarantee they may have asked my opinion, but

they NEVER would have not moved just bc I was moping. At that age,

everything was about me and my happiness and comfort and I couldn't

see past my own nose. The fact of the matter is that I am now 25 and

I know that if we had moved I would have survived just fine.

ly, I barely remember being 14!! But then my life seemed like

the only thing that mattered, and my entire existence was about my

emotions and getting what I wanted.

It must be tough having to make this choice as a single mom, but I

will tell you what - if I were your kid and I had no clue that my

grandma was a lunatic, I wouldn't want to move either! But you are

the adult, you know the truth. You will ultimately make the choice

which is safest and healthiest for you and your daughter.

There are some posts right now about nada's first grandchild - I

think reading them would be helpful to you.

Take care,

April 25, 2005