Re: nada talking to more people

[Guest guest]

Theresa -

I think that nada's friend, and the other people who are talking to

you, are trying to 'hoover' you, but with well meaning intentions.

Not necessarily seeing you as a kid - but definitely an 'older'

person trying to give the benefit of their advice to someone

younger. However, these are people who have probably never

experienced anything like BPD behavior, and as you said, they don't

know what nada can really be like. This is one of the difficulties

of this illness.....BPs can be soooooooooooooooo nice to everyone

else! (My nada is a SAINT to her acquaintances.)

Save your money - don't send the book. If you aren't comfortable

telling what she is like (and I understand that, because it can sound

strange to someone who has only seen different behavior), then you

could just make a polite comment back. " Thank you for your concern.

I wish things could be different. But I am dealing with some

problems that are only know to the immediate family. As difficult as

it has been, I have made the decision to......(whatever else is

appropriate).

Take care of yourself & your daughter,

Sylvia

>

> Hi y'all, thought I would share with you a letter I got from a

visitor who came out of town. This visitor actually lives out of

state and kind of knows my nada from years ago when I was a kid and

we actually last visited with this person closed 10 years ago when my

daughter was only about 3 or 4. Anyway, obvious nada talked to her

about me (surprise surprise **not** - nada had just made a smear

scene splitting me bad in front of that grandma friend of ours,

boohooing in front of her about how I called the police on her) as I

got this letter from the visitor who is actually a kind lady, but

this shows someone (you know who) was talking:

>

> " I know that your mother is going through a very difficult time.

Although I feel that it was good for you to leave home and start a

home of your own where you could make all of your own decisions, I am

asking you to be patient to your mother. Right now, she is depressed

and perhaps says things that are NOT what you want to hear. She has

always been strong and maybe too interfering, but she has always

loved you, your sister, and your daughter. Since I am not living in

your city, I do not really know the relationship, but I am sure they

are strained. You must DO what you have to do, I know, but do be

patient with your mother. You are a dear person and a good mother "

>

> O.k. is it my imagination or are people still seeing me as a " kid "

so to speak? How come it seems that it's always the " child "

(although I am now an adult, of course) who is seemingly mean to

their poor mother. I have seen the same with some of our

homeschooling acquaintances, the women - them thinking I am not being

patient enough with or I am not being empathetic enough, etc. Yeah,

my nada is convincing when she talks or boohoos about her situation,

but c'mon! Is it because I don't look my age or what? I am 34 but I

could pass for about 18 or 19 to adults - I am pretty sure teens can

always tell I am older than they are but the adults have difficulty

for some reason. I do look younger than my age but I don't think

that is the whole problem. I mean, if I were to tell some women to

stop being mean to her poor mom especially when I don't know that

person very well, that's just not the way adults talk to other adults

is it?

>

> What do I do with these people who are inquiring or trying to give

advice ? I feel like just sending her the SWOE book. Think that's a

good idea? I don't plan on revealing info about my nada to her

because this woman has her idea of what my nada is like (as does

everyone else who does not know what she can really be like).

>

> Theresa

>

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