Re: Re: working toward forgiveness

[Guest guest]

Yup, you've definitely come a long way, baby!

Splitting with my mother resulted in a total schism too, and at the time

I thought it was the end of the world! Not! It was the best thing that

ever happened! But, it took a few years of really hard work, especially

grieving, although at the time I didn't know that's what I was

experiencing. In those days I didn't know about BPD, so I was floating

my boat all alone in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Mother and I had no direct contact during the four years that followed

the big schism, so she took all her ugly baggage with her to the grave

when she died last year. A day doesn't pass that I don't celebrate her

death. It's great not having any more bricks hanging over my head.

Happy days!

SmileS!

Carol

wjseetch wrote:

> Carol,

> So much that you wrote here is the same for me...I also was raised to believe

that I was the holder of " blame " . I was the designated " fixer " . That was my

place in this world and I didn't know anything else. The abuse I went through

was what I considered normal. How was I to know anything else???Nada kept us

from others. I found out about BPD in 1997. Then I joined this list a year

later

> Finding out about BPD and realizing that there were other options out there,

not just the two nada told me about,( B & W thinking) shocked and amazed me! Talk

about a new frontier!! lol

> The fact that the fog rarely rolls in anymore is a testament to how far I have

come. The fact that I actually stood in the same room with nada and confronted

her, laid down the boundary lines in bold, dark lines and stayed firm, is

something I never, ever thought I would or could do! The price for my freedom

was costly...I lost my whole family. But I have gained my freedom from the fog.

And I agree with you, it feels good to put the blame back where it truly

belongs, with nada. YEAH!

> As my favorite song goes, " I can see clearly now.... "

> I've come along way baby!

> lol

> Warm thoughts,

>

> ....

> Re: Re: working toward forgiveness

>

>

> Hi Groupees!

>

> (back from a loooooooong tax season and am in Ann Arbor, MI right now

> visiting my daughter)

>

> Can I stick in my two cents worth?

>

> All my life I blamed myself for " everything " that went wrong, including

> all of mother's foibles. When people played the Blame Game, on Me, I

> believed them, and then I tried to modify My behavior to fix the

> problem. This was true in the workplace, at home, with FOO, with

> friends, with neighbors.........ad nauseum. I'd literally cave if

> mother (or hubby) blamed me for anything, however trite, and I'd make

> immediate amends. Their word was gospel. Why, I don't know. It just

> was.

>

> I was never a subscriber to any of the commonly bantered theories about

> one's upbringing causing our adulthood problems. What a cop-out, I

> thought, because I was solely responsible for my own problems, actions,

> and reactions. Translated, mother's problems were mine. What I didn't

> realize - then - was I had absorbed them as my own and I couldn't tell

> the difference. Hence, the FOG bank.

>

> Whelp, I'm here to say that it feels " great " to finally put the blame

> somewhere else - on mother! It's been the best concept in the whole

> wide world. Woo! Hoo!

>

> No, I don't go around blaming everything on everyone now. Instead, I'm

> more aware, so that I'm not victimized by it anymore, or as much.

>

> SmileS!

> Carol M

[Guest guest]

Yup, you've definitely come a long way, baby!

Splitting with my mother resulted in a total schism too, and at the time

I thought it was the end of the world! Not! It was the best thing that

ever happened! But, it took a few years of really hard work, especially

grieving, although at the time I didn't know that's what I was

experiencing. In those days I didn't know about BPD, so I was floating

my boat all alone in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Mother and I had no direct contact during the four years that followed

the big schism, so she took all her ugly baggage with her to the grave

when she died last year. A day doesn't pass that I don't celebrate her

death. It's great not having any more bricks hanging over my head.

Happy days!

SmileS!

Carol

wjseetch wrote:

> Carol,

> So much that you wrote here is the same for me...I also was raised to believe

that I was the holder of " blame " . I was the designated " fixer " . That was my

place in this world and I didn't know anything else. The abuse I went through

was what I considered normal. How was I to know anything else???Nada kept us

from others. I found out about BPD in 1997. Then I joined this list a year

later

> Finding out about BPD and realizing that there were other options out there,

not just the two nada told me about,( B & W thinking) shocked and amazed me! Talk

about a new frontier!! lol

> The fact that the fog rarely rolls in anymore is a testament to how far I have

come. The fact that I actually stood in the same room with nada and confronted

her, laid down the boundary lines in bold, dark lines and stayed firm, is

something I never, ever thought I would or could do! The price for my freedom

was costly...I lost my whole family. But I have gained my freedom from the fog.

And I agree with you, it feels good to put the blame back where it truly

belongs, with nada. YEAH!

> As my favorite song goes, " I can see clearly now.... "

> I've come along way baby!

> lol

> Warm thoughts,

>

> ....

> Re: Re: working toward forgiveness

>

>

> Hi Groupees!

>

> (back from a loooooooong tax season and am in Ann Arbor, MI right now

> visiting my daughter)

>

> Can I stick in my two cents worth?

>

> All my life I blamed myself for " everything " that went wrong, including

> all of mother's foibles. When people played the Blame Game, on Me, I

> believed them, and then I tried to modify My behavior to fix the

> problem. This was true in the workplace, at home, with FOO, with

> friends, with neighbors.........ad nauseum. I'd literally cave if

> mother (or hubby) blamed me for anything, however trite, and I'd make

> immediate amends. Their word was gospel. Why, I don't know. It just

> was.

>

> I was never a subscriber to any of the commonly bantered theories about

> one's upbringing causing our adulthood problems. What a cop-out, I

> thought, because I was solely responsible for my own problems, actions,

> and reactions. Translated, mother's problems were mine. What I didn't

> realize - then - was I had absorbed them as my own and I couldn't tell

> the difference. Hence, the FOG bank.

>

> Whelp, I'm here to say that it feels " great " to finally put the blame

> somewhere else - on mother! It's been the best concept in the whole

> wide world. Woo! Hoo!

>

> No, I don't go around blaming everything on everyone now. Instead, I'm

> more aware, so that I'm not victimized by it anymore, or as much.

>

> SmileS!

> Carol M

[Guest guest]

wjseetch wrote:

> As my favorite song goes, " I can see clearly now.... "

> I've come along way baby!

Me, too. I grew up on this list and my fav song is, " I'll do it my way. "

<two thumbs up>

- Edith

List Manager / WelcomeToOz Family of NonBP Email Support Groups

[Guest guest]

ketebebe1972 wrote:

> Hey and Carol M,

> You guys are such inspiration! I'm so glad that you are part of this

> list. I have always been the peace-maker in my family too. I have

> hated confrontation and fighting in my family more than I loved

> myself or my own opinions for most of my life.

> Blessings,

>

Me, too. I was peacemaker, too.

- Edith

[Guest guest]

ketebebe1972 wrote:

> Hey and Carol M,

> You guys are such inspiration! I'm so glad that you are part of this

> list. I have always been the peace-maker in my family too. I have

> hated confrontation and fighting in my family more than I loved

> myself or my own opinions for most of my life.

> Blessings,

>

Me, too. I was peacemaker, too.

- Edith