So many questions, so alone and confused

[Guest guest]

Hi, I'm new and not quite sure I belong here, so maybe some of you can

help me out.

I am a married mother of 3 teen DD's. I always thought that I lived a

pretty normal life and was able to keep it together.

I have an aging mother that I was trying to care for. Our relationship

has always been very strained. Lately, things became so bad that I

started seeing a therapist who was helping me with boundaries, and

self-esteem.

The more I tried to protect myself the more my mother became enraged.

I stated to avoid her out of fear and resentment.

She has always said hurtful things to me that made me feel guilty. It

got to the point, I couldn't talk to her at all anymore. She would

scream at me, and I would scream back. Rage, tears, threats. Just

thinking about her was making me feel physically ill. I avoided her.

Sleep became impossible. My thoughts became obsessive. The guilt was

eating me up inside. I felt hopeless. The pain became unbearable.

This went on for weeks and weeks until I overdosed and woke up in a

psyhc hospital under suicide watch. I spent weeks in both inpatient

and outpatient therapy.

One of the many therapists I saw during this period suggested that my

mother is probably BPD.

I've been trying to read about BP on the net and I can see alot of

signs that mom is BP.

Unfortunately, even with this new information I still feel, helpless

and hopeless.

Cherish