Re: Please Share Your Thoughts

[Guest guest]

Hi Deirdre,

You have NOT messed up your whole life. Your life is ahead of you.

If it sounds like a duck/walks... then it is... How he effects you is what

matters, not what species of personality disorder he has. Evicting this man

from your life and home is a positive step in your healing process. It is

actually very 'normal' that we attach ourselves to BP and/or Narcissists; it

is nurturing ourselves beyond that need to complete/continue the FOO dynamics

that IS the healing in progress.

Get a friend to come over and stay with you, when and while you tell him

that he is moving out. You are doing a healthy thing, good for you. Carol

In a message dated 3/12/2005 9:11:50 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

artravven@... writes:

I am scared.

I have BP mom that I am not speaking with, and now I am beginning to think

my fiance is a BP or more likely Narcisstic Personality. I don't even have

too

much to say about it, or his behavior which is like a child's. I am just in

this

very confusing place right now where I just feel frozen. He is living with

me

and I don't think I want to marry him anymore and I just want to start over,

I

don't know how to get rid of him. I just feel like " OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I

DONE " and HOW AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS???

I haven't seen my therapist in a few weeks now because she is ill, and I am

desprate. I spoke with her briefly on the phone but didn't tell her what was

bothering me because I felt bad about the fact that she is sick.

I just came to the realization that something is wrong with my relationship

with

SO when I joined this group. From reading all of your stories and seeing the

similarities of your lives and mine are astounding .

I knew and was sure about NADA, But now the fiance too.???

I HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT HIM LIKE HE HAS 3 HEADS. I swear, we'll be

eating dinner and I am looking at him like he is not human. And then I start

thinking about the problems we have that I have been up until now just

keeping quiet about.

I TRIED to TALK to him about it, HE DOESN " T RESPOND AT ALL!!!!!! HE

PLAYS WITH HIS LONG BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HAIR INSTEAD.

So I walked away.

Then he gets angry an turns it around on me.

I feel like I have messed up my entire life, First my CRAZY NADA, then a

controlling NAPOLEAN HUSBAND, now a BP or N fiance.

Deirdre

[Guest guest]

Hi Deirdre,

You have NOT messed up your whole life. Your life is ahead of you.

If it sounds like a duck/walks... then it is... How he effects you is what

matters, not what species of personality disorder he has. Evicting this man

from your life and home is a positive step in your healing process. It is

actually very 'normal' that we attach ourselves to BP and/or Narcissists; it

is nurturing ourselves beyond that need to complete/continue the FOO dynamics

that IS the healing in progress.

Get a friend to come over and stay with you, when and while you tell him

that he is moving out. You are doing a healthy thing, good for you. Carol

In a message dated 3/12/2005 9:11:50 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

artravven@... writes:

I am scared.

I have BP mom that I am not speaking with, and now I am beginning to think

my fiance is a BP or more likely Narcisstic Personality. I don't even have

too

much to say about it, or his behavior which is like a child's. I am just in

this

very confusing place right now where I just feel frozen. He is living with

me

and I don't think I want to marry him anymore and I just want to start over,

I

don't know how to get rid of him. I just feel like " OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I

DONE " and HOW AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS???

I haven't seen my therapist in a few weeks now because she is ill, and I am

desprate. I spoke with her briefly on the phone but didn't tell her what was

bothering me because I felt bad about the fact that she is sick.

I just came to the realization that something is wrong with my relationship

with

SO when I joined this group. From reading all of your stories and seeing the

similarities of your lives and mine are astounding .

I knew and was sure about NADA, But now the fiance too.???

I HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT HIM LIKE HE HAS 3 HEADS. I swear, we'll be

eating dinner and I am looking at him like he is not human. And then I start

thinking about the problems we have that I have been up until now just

keeping quiet about.

I TRIED to TALK to him about it, HE DOESN " T RESPOND AT ALL!!!!!! HE

PLAYS WITH HIS LONG BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HAIR INSTEAD.

So I walked away.

Then he gets angry an turns it around on me.

I feel like I have messed up my entire life, First my CRAZY NADA, then a

controlling NAPOLEAN HUSBAND, now a BP or N fiance.

Deirdre

[Guest guest]

I am new to THIS list and I am Larry. It was reccommended to me to

join this because I got to this realization opposite of you. I have a

BP in my life and then am now thinking (probably correctly) that mom

was BPD.

I don't kow how much cross-membership there is on these non-BP lists

but this will be my 4th (I am SERIOUSLY trying to figure this out).

I am trying to find a consistent source of infomation/feedback to

keep up with the insanity that is trying to be instilled into my

life. I have managed some decent distance this week from my primary

BP but *I* KNOW until I understand and DEAL with this (* & ^ I won't

get true resolution.

Good luck with your insanity and for what it is worth I would suggest

DOING EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO HONOR YOURSELF. And if your situation is

anything like mine that will be damn near impossible.

Larry

OH and for a newbie what is NADA?

> I knew and was sure about NADA, But now the fiance too.???

[Guest guest]

I agree with Carol - you have not messed up your whole life. You

have just taken a big step towards recognizing destructive patterns

in your life. Now that you have recognized that you may seek out

other BPs and/or NPDs, you can work to stop their destructive

influence over you.

I have a NPD nada with BP traits. I also strongly suspect that my dh

has narcissistic tendencies as well. It is not to the abusive level

however, it has caused some damage to our relationship. Do not beat

yourself up. As someone once said, " You did what you knew how to

do, and when you knew better, you did better. "

Take care of yourself.

srch4inrpeace

>

> I am scared.

> I have BP mom that I am not speaking with, and now I am

beginning to think

> my fiance is a BP or more likely Narcisstic Personality. I don't

even have too

> much to say about it, or his behavior which is like a child's. I

am just in this

> very confusing place right now where I just feel frozen. He is

living with me

> and I don't think I want to marry him anymore and I just want to

start over, I

> don't know how to get rid of him. I just feel like " OH MY GOD WHAT

HAVE I

> DONE " and HOW AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS???

> I haven't seen my therapist in a few weeks now because she is ill,

and I am

> desprate. I spoke with her briefly on the phone but didn't tell

her what was

> bothering me because I felt bad about the fact that she is sick.

> I just came to the realization that something is wrong with my

relationship with

> SO when I joined this group. From reading all of your stories and

seeing the

> similarities of your lives and mine are astounding .

> I knew and was sure about NADA, But now the fiance too.???

> I HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT HIM LIKE HE HAS 3 HEADS. I swear, we'll be

> eating dinner and I am looking at him like he is not human. And

then I start

> thinking about the problems we have that I have been up until now

just

> keeping quiet about.

> I TRIED to TALK to him about it, HE DOESN " T RESPOND AT ALL!!!!!!

HE

> PLAYS WITH HIS LONG BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HAIR INSTEAD.

> So I walked away.

> Then he gets angry an turns it around on me.

> I feel like I have messed up my entire life, First my CRAZY NADA,

then a

> controlling NAPOLEAN HUSBAND, now a BP or N fiance.

>

> Deirdre

[Guest guest]

I agree with Carol - you have not messed up your whole life. You

have just taken a big step towards recognizing destructive patterns

in your life. Now that you have recognized that you may seek out

other BPs and/or NPDs, you can work to stop their destructive

influence over you.

I have a NPD nada with BP traits. I also strongly suspect that my dh

has narcissistic tendencies as well. It is not to the abusive level

however, it has caused some damage to our relationship. Do not beat

yourself up. As someone once said, " You did what you knew how to

do, and when you knew better, you did better. "

Take care of yourself.

srch4inrpeace

>

> I am scared.

> I have BP mom that I am not speaking with, and now I am

beginning to think

> my fiance is a BP or more likely Narcisstic Personality. I don't

even have too

> much to say about it, or his behavior which is like a child's. I

am just in this

> very confusing place right now where I just feel frozen. He is

living with me

> and I don't think I want to marry him anymore and I just want to

start over, I

> don't know how to get rid of him. I just feel like " OH MY GOD WHAT

HAVE I

> DONE " and HOW AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS???

> I haven't seen my therapist in a few weeks now because she is ill,

and I am

> desprate. I spoke with her briefly on the phone but didn't tell

her what was

> bothering me because I felt bad about the fact that she is sick.

> I just came to the realization that something is wrong with my

relationship with

> SO when I joined this group. From reading all of your stories and

seeing the

> similarities of your lives and mine are astounding .

> I knew and was sure about NADA, But now the fiance too.???

> I HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT HIM LIKE HE HAS 3 HEADS. I swear, we'll be

> eating dinner and I am looking at him like he is not human. And

then I start

> thinking about the problems we have that I have been up until now

just

> keeping quiet about.

> I TRIED to TALK to him about it, HE DOESN " T RESPOND AT ALL!!!!!!

HE

> PLAYS WITH HIS LONG BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HAIR INSTEAD.

> So I walked away.

> Then he gets angry an turns it around on me.

> I feel like I have messed up my entire life, First my CRAZY NADA,

then a

> controlling NAPOLEAN HUSBAND, now a BP or N fiance.

>

> Deirdre

[Guest guest]

I agree with Carol - you have not messed up your whole life. You

have just taken a big step towards recognizing destructive patterns

in your life. Now that you have recognized that you may seek out

other BPs and/or NPDs, you can work to stop their destructive

influence over you.

I have a NPD nada with BP traits. I also strongly suspect that my dh

has narcissistic tendencies as well. It is not to the abusive level

however, it has caused some damage to our relationship. Do not beat

yourself up. As someone once said, " You did what you knew how to

do, and when you knew better, you did better. "

Take care of yourself.

srch4inrpeace

>

> I am scared.

> I have BP mom that I am not speaking with, and now I am

beginning to think

> my fiance is a BP or more likely Narcisstic Personality. I don't

even have too

> much to say about it, or his behavior which is like a child's. I

am just in this

> very confusing place right now where I just feel frozen. He is

living with me

> and I don't think I want to marry him anymore and I just want to

start over, I

> don't know how to get rid of him. I just feel like " OH MY GOD WHAT

HAVE I

> DONE " and HOW AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS???

> I haven't seen my therapist in a few weeks now because she is ill,

and I am

> desprate. I spoke with her briefly on the phone but didn't tell

her what was

> bothering me because I felt bad about the fact that she is sick.

> I just came to the realization that something is wrong with my

relationship with

> SO when I joined this group. From reading all of your stories and

seeing the

> similarities of your lives and mine are astounding .

> I knew and was sure about NADA, But now the fiance too.???

> I HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT HIM LIKE HE HAS 3 HEADS. I swear, we'll be

> eating dinner and I am looking at him like he is not human. And

then I start

> thinking about the problems we have that I have been up until now

just

> keeping quiet about.

> I TRIED to TALK to him about it, HE DOESN " T RESPOND AT ALL!!!!!!

HE

> PLAYS WITH HIS LONG BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HAIR INSTEAD.

> So I walked away.

> Then he gets angry an turns it around on me.

> I feel like I have messed up my entire life, First my CRAZY NADA,

then a

> controlling NAPOLEAN HUSBAND, now a BP or N fiance.

>

> Deirdre

[Guest guest]

Hi Diedre,

I too don't think you have ruined your life, more likely the

opposite. Realizing something was wrong before you got married.

Having been through a similar situation of having to " un-do " a live-

in relationship, I would recommend you deal with it in small bites.

Its very good advice to have someone with you when you ask him to

move out, even if you don't feel physically threatened, having an

emotional ally (allie?) (sp) nearby will help you get through this.

I think its just human nature that its hard to change. The

situation may look impossible right now, but just take it one day,

one issue at a time. And we are all here to bounce ideas and

problems off of. We are all glad to help you through this.

Jeanine

>

> I am scared.

> I have BP mom that I am not speaking with, and now I am

beginning to think

> my fiance is a BP or more likely Narcisstic Personality. I don't

even have too

> much to say about it, or his behavior which is like a child's. I

am just in this

> very confusing place right now where I just feel frozen. He is

living with me

> and I don't think I want to marry him anymore and I just want to

start over, I

> don't know how to get rid of him. I just feel like " OH MY GOD WHAT

HAVE I

> DONE " and HOW AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS???

> I haven't seen my therapist in a few weeks now because she is ill,

and I am

> desprate. I spoke with her briefly on the phone but didn't tell

her what was

> bothering me because I felt bad about the fact that she is sick.

> I just came to the realization that something is wrong with my

relationship with

> SO when I joined this group. From reading all of your stories and

seeing the

> similarities of your lives and mine are astounding .

> I knew and was sure about NADA, But now the fiance too.???

> I HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT HIM LIKE HE HAS 3 HEADS. I swear, we'll be

> eating dinner and I am looking at him like he is not human. And

then I start

> thinking about the problems we have that I have been up until now

just

> keeping quiet about.

> I TRIED to TALK to him about it, HE DOESN " T RESPOND AT ALL!!!!!!

HE

> PLAYS WITH HIS LONG BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HAIR INSTEAD.

> So I walked away.

> Then he gets angry an turns it around on me.

> I feel like I have messed up my entire life, First my CRAZY NADA,

then a

> controlling NAPOLEAN HUSBAND, now a BP or N fiance.

>

> Deirdre

[Guest guest]

Hi Diedre,

I too don't think you have ruined your life, more likely the

opposite. Realizing something was wrong before you got married.

Having been through a similar situation of having to " un-do " a live-

in relationship, I would recommend you deal with it in small bites.

Its very good advice to have someone with you when you ask him to

move out, even if you don't feel physically threatened, having an

emotional ally (allie?) (sp) nearby will help you get through this.

I think its just human nature that its hard to change. The

situation may look impossible right now, but just take it one day,

one issue at a time. And we are all here to bounce ideas and

problems off of. We are all glad to help you through this.

Jeanine

>

> I am scared.

> I have BP mom that I am not speaking with, and now I am

beginning to think

> my fiance is a BP or more likely Narcisstic Personality. I don't

even have too

> much to say about it, or his behavior which is like a child's. I

am just in this

> very confusing place right now where I just feel frozen. He is

living with me

> and I don't think I want to marry him anymore and I just want to

start over, I

> don't know how to get rid of him. I just feel like " OH MY GOD WHAT

HAVE I

> DONE " and HOW AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS???

> I haven't seen my therapist in a few weeks now because she is ill,

and I am

> desprate. I spoke with her briefly on the phone but didn't tell

her what was

> bothering me because I felt bad about the fact that she is sick.

> I just came to the realization that something is wrong with my

relationship with

> SO when I joined this group. From reading all of your stories and

seeing the

> similarities of your lives and mine are astounding .

> I knew and was sure about NADA, But now the fiance too.???

> I HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT HIM LIKE HE HAS 3 HEADS. I swear, we'll be

> eating dinner and I am looking at him like he is not human. And

then I start

> thinking about the problems we have that I have been up until now

just

> keeping quiet about.

> I TRIED to TALK to him about it, HE DOESN " T RESPOND AT ALL!!!!!!

HE

> PLAYS WITH HIS LONG BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HAIR INSTEAD.

> So I walked away.

> Then he gets angry an turns it around on me.

> I feel like I have messed up my entire life, First my CRAZY NADA,

then a

> controlling NAPOLEAN HUSBAND, now a BP or N fiance.

>

> Deirdre

[Guest guest]

Hi Diedre,

I too don't think you have ruined your life, more likely the

opposite. Realizing something was wrong before you got married.

Having been through a similar situation of having to " un-do " a live-

in relationship, I would recommend you deal with it in small bites.

Its very good advice to have someone with you when you ask him to

move out, even if you don't feel physically threatened, having an

emotional ally (allie?) (sp) nearby will help you get through this.

I think its just human nature that its hard to change. The

situation may look impossible right now, but just take it one day,

one issue at a time. And we are all here to bounce ideas and

problems off of. We are all glad to help you through this.

Jeanine

>

> I am scared.

> I have BP mom that I am not speaking with, and now I am

beginning to think

> my fiance is a BP or more likely Narcisstic Personality. I don't

even have too

> much to say about it, or his behavior which is like a child's. I

am just in this

> very confusing place right now where I just feel frozen. He is

living with me

> and I don't think I want to marry him anymore and I just want to

start over, I

> don't know how to get rid of him. I just feel like " OH MY GOD WHAT

HAVE I

> DONE " and HOW AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS???

> I haven't seen my therapist in a few weeks now because she is ill,

and I am

> desprate. I spoke with her briefly on the phone but didn't tell

her what was

> bothering me because I felt bad about the fact that she is sick.

> I just came to the realization that something is wrong with my

relationship with

> SO when I joined this group. From reading all of your stories and

seeing the

> similarities of your lives and mine are astounding .

> I knew and was sure about NADA, But now the fiance too.???

> I HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT HIM LIKE HE HAS 3 HEADS. I swear, we'll be

> eating dinner and I am looking at him like he is not human. And

then I start

> thinking about the problems we have that I have been up until now

just

> keeping quiet about.

> I TRIED to TALK to him about it, HE DOESN " T RESPOND AT ALL!!!!!!

HE

> PLAYS WITH HIS LONG BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HAIR INSTEAD.

> So I walked away.

> Then he gets angry an turns it around on me.

> I feel like I have messed up my entire life, First my CRAZY NADA,

then a

> controlling NAPOLEAN HUSBAND, now a BP or N fiance.

>

> Deirdre