New - mother with BPD

[Guest guest]

Hello all. I am new to this board and wanted to briefly introduce

myself and my situation and hopefully find support that I so

desparately need right now.

I am one of four grown children dealing with a BPD mother (she is

undiagnosed). Youngest brother cut himself off with entire family.

Oldest brother refuses to see anything wrong, yet keeps mom at arm's

length. My sister and I are very close and have borne the brunt of

her emotional abuse through the years. We are both at the point

right now of cutting her out of our lives so that we can heal and

break the cycle of abuse.

I do believe my mom has other disorders in addition to BPD, yet I am

not fully certain what they are.

- She lives in a fantasy world MOST of the time.

- Doesn't want to work. Will do anything so she doesn't have to

hold down a job.

- Is constantly changing her mind. (will be one religion one day

and another religion the next....moved from her father's house to

get away from him to another state then moved father down there to

be with her)

- Is extremely manipulative and is very good at dishing out guilt

trips.

- Nothing is ever her fault - it's everyone elses fault.

- Makes no sense with reasoning and has no rational basis for

anything.

- Has an addictive personality (mostly to Rx pain meds)

The list goes on and on. She has never " raged " at any of us. She

was a yeller growing up, but never any incidents of rage that I can

recall.

Anyway, this last incident with her was the last straw for me. I am

in my last weeks of pregnancy and getting over a bout of pneumonia

and dealing with my three small children who are also sick. She

knows this because she talks to my oldest daughter (who is 7)on the

phone almost daily. She begins to complain about aches and

pains...she has arthritis, she has fibromyalgia....she can't find a

doc who believes her....she needs her Darvocet...blah, blah, blah.

With all my sister and I are dealing with - we really didn't give

her the attention I guess she thought she deserved. I get an email

that says she is not coming up to help with the new baby (she lives

in another state) and goes on to tell me ways in which I am not the

best mother. She also advises me to tell my daughter NOT to call

her because she *feels* like she cannot be the kind of grandmother

she wants to be without my approval. *sigh*

I wrote to her and told her not to contact me any more. I told her

should she wish to communicate with me or the children, she needs to

go through my husband.

My sister is struggling with feelings of guilt in cutting her off,

yet she knows it's probably best for her and her family also.

Has anyone cut off the BPD person in their life? Is it a reasonable

thing to do?

+JMJ+