Why do we bother?

[Guest guest]

Ok, I am understanding why many of us KO's have to have nothing to

do with Nada...they make it so difficult to continue any type of

relationship!

Here's what happened at our house last night:

Nada had gone on a trip to see my sister. She, being kind, sent a

box of fruit for our family and a special box with some neat things

for our son. I have laryngitis right now. I asked our son if he

would please call his grandma and thank her for the fruit and his

stuff. He calls, uses my cell phone because that's how we do long

distance. The phone runs out of juice after 10 minutes. Nada calls

back to our house/land phone to continue the call with our son. It

is a typical call with her...he listens, saying nothing, while she

goes on and on and on. Finally, 15 minutes later, my husband tells

son, " time to get ready for bed. " It is 10 p.m. Our son says, very

politely, to Nada (who he had to interupt), " Grandma, I have to get

ready for bed now. I have a track meet in the morning. "

The call ends and son says, " Well, now Grandma is mad. " Son tells us

that Nada said (in an irritated voice), " Well, it was nice talking

to you. But if you can't talk on the phone with me, then don't

bother calling! " Click.

Good God, he is only 10 years old! What a crappy thing to say to a

kid- a very polite child who was just calling to say thank you. That

really made me mad. I told our son that it was wrong of Nada to say

this to him, that she should not be so rude, that he should not be

feeling like he was a bad kid because she became angry. Husband and

I told him that adults should not act like Nada does. That she does

not have any control of her emotions and she reacts like a baby

does.

This is so NUTS- how do you explain to a 10 year old? How dare she

treat him like that. Then I am mad at myself for letting him try and

have any sort of relationship with her. My husband shook his head

and said, " She is never going to change, is she? " I asked him if he

was mad enough to call her and ream her out for being verbally

abusive to our son and he said, " Why bother? It won't change

anything. She obviously thinks there is nothing wrong with talking

to a kid like that. "

AAAAARRRRRrrrrrgggggghhh! BPD Sucks!!!

And to those of you on the posts about sharing info with family

members, I understand your plight. My sister doesn't get it either,

nor does she want to. She is all about " forgiving and moving on " .

That is easy for her to say because she is split good and Nada lives

3,000 miles away! Sister is not interested in learning how to set

boundaries.

This is a very frustrating and tiring disorder. I applaud those of

you who could drop all connections. It is very hard to try and have

any sort of relationship with Nada. I feel that is like walking on

eggshells that are sitting on top of landmines!

Thanks for listening. Somehow there is a peace in knowing that many

of you can relate to this madness.

Oh, that also reminds me that a fellow boss/friend of Nada's

recently wrote an email and said, " How is your Mother? " LOL- what's

a KO to do? Lie politely, I suppose. When what I really want to say

is: Gosh, Mom is her usual insane self, making me feel like crap

whenenver I try to have a conversation with her. Verbally abusing

those near and dear to her!

Ugh,

Di.