Re: Therapy Improved yeah - making peace

[Guest guest]

> Well put. My shrink did ask me to consider how I would feel if nada

> died and I hadn't been in contact with her. Would I be okay? I

told

> him I'd thought about it and I knew I would be fine. He said, okay,

> and we never talked about going back again. In those days if he had

> even *hinted* that I should make peace with her, I would have.

What a

> disaster that would have been!

**This is something I've thought a lot about. Right now - I think I

would feel bad if nada died - but mostly because I've got so much to

work through. I think for me - finding peace while she is alive

would help me. But - I don't necessarily think that finding peace

means having contact with nada. I guess if I work through my own

feelings/fears/problems now - even if in the end I decide on no

contact - it's my choice. Control problems?? I don't want the

decision forced on me by death - and feeling there are things left

undone. I want it to be my decision after a lot of reflection.

Right now I have contact only through therapy (my choice) -

personally, if I don't try I think I would regret it - but if therapy

isn't working - and I don't have great hopes for it - I will be able

to cut contact with less guilt (That guilt complex is so strong - I

still have to appease it!!). I know this route isn't for everyone -

I think it helps that my whole family is supportive and they all

understand something is wrong with her. I get tremendous support

(though I am the only one who won't see her outside of a shrink's

office - my family is amazingly nonjudgemental). My sister was

gently putting pressure on me to just come for Christmas. Her and I

went to the shrink together - and after hearing me talk with her

shrink - she stopped applying pressure. She told me - obviously this

is harder for you - I had no idea. Just because I want a family

Christmas - I shouldn't force my goals on you. You do what you need

to - we'll work it out - maybe nada can come christmas eve and you

can come christmas day. Sweet, huh?

> They imply that

> she and I are weak because we are unable to have any interaction

with

> nada at all.

**Funny - I said this to my therapist - that I felt weak not being

able to handle contact with nada. She told me that I was showing

tremendous courage to stand up to someone like that to protect my

daughter and myself. I don't feel courageous - but it was nice to

hear!

>

**Take care,

Kath

>

> Les

[Guest guest]

> Well put. My shrink did ask me to consider how I would feel if nada

> died and I hadn't been in contact with her. Would I be okay? I

told

> him I'd thought about it and I knew I would be fine. He said, okay,

> and we never talked about going back again. In those days if he had

> even *hinted* that I should make peace with her, I would have.

What a

> disaster that would have been!

**This is something I've thought a lot about. Right now - I think I

would feel bad if nada died - but mostly because I've got so much to

work through. I think for me - finding peace while she is alive

would help me. But - I don't necessarily think that finding peace

means having contact with nada. I guess if I work through my own

feelings/fears/problems now - even if in the end I decide on no

contact - it's my choice. Control problems?? I don't want the

decision forced on me by death - and feeling there are things left

undone. I want it to be my decision after a lot of reflection.

Right now I have contact only through therapy (my choice) -

personally, if I don't try I think I would regret it - but if therapy

isn't working - and I don't have great hopes for it - I will be able

to cut contact with less guilt (That guilt complex is so strong - I

still have to appease it!!). I know this route isn't for everyone -

I think it helps that my whole family is supportive and they all

understand something is wrong with her. I get tremendous support

(though I am the only one who won't see her outside of a shrink's

office - my family is amazingly nonjudgemental). My sister was

gently putting pressure on me to just come for Christmas. Her and I

went to the shrink together - and after hearing me talk with her

shrink - she stopped applying pressure. She told me - obviously this

is harder for you - I had no idea. Just because I want a family

Christmas - I shouldn't force my goals on you. You do what you need

to - we'll work it out - maybe nada can come christmas eve and you

can come christmas day. Sweet, huh?

> They imply that

> she and I are weak because we are unable to have any interaction

with

> nada at all.

**Funny - I said this to my therapist - that I felt weak not being

able to handle contact with nada. She told me that I was showing

tremendous courage to stand up to someone like that to protect my

daughter and myself. I don't feel courageous - but it was nice to

hear!

>

**Take care,

Kath

>

> Les

[Guest guest]

>

> **Funny - I said this to my therapist - that I felt weak not being

> able to handle contact with nada. She told me that I was showing

> tremendous courage to stand up to someone like that to protect my

> daughter and myself. I don't feel courageous - but it was nice to

> hear!

> >

Kath,

After I read UMB I felt like superwoman for just having survived the

experience. More and more I see myself and Al as courageous for

having the strength to fight the guilt and break away so that we can

heal. You *are* courageous, and that's not just the words of one

chicken to another. I finally believe it....I think.

Les

[Guest guest]

>

> **Funny - I said this to my therapist - that I felt weak not being

> able to handle contact with nada. She told me that I was showing

> tremendous courage to stand up to someone like that to protect my

> daughter and myself. I don't feel courageous - but it was nice to

> hear!

> >

Kath,

After I read UMB I felt like superwoman for just having survived the

experience. More and more I see myself and Al as courageous for

having the strength to fight the guilt and break away so that we can

heal. You *are* courageous, and that's not just the words of one

chicken to another. I finally believe it....I think.

Les