Discounting, negating comments

[Guest guest]

The teacher responded fairly nicely, but this part bites: She said

she also works full time and is home schooling 6 kids (was 7 but 1

just graduated), that her husband is disabled so he tries to

contribute some to home schooling but not much, really. Theresa

…..This is called negating or discounting. These are described in

book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Negating

denies or belittles the perceptions, experiences, values, and

accomplishments and plans of the person beginning the conversation or

in your case, a written request. This is an act to cause anguish and

confusion; many responders negate or discount and continue to do so

for years because they do not know or do not care that they are being

(verbally) abusive.

Discounting denies the experience of the other person and is very

destructive. You wrote a person of authority (a teacher) and

trusted her for advice.

She did make a dig at you and then turned around and helped you (with

advise about the curriculum). So it is not wonder you had frustrated

feelings. And yes, her comment DOES BITE. Take care, mg

[Guest guest]

Thank you! Just needed that positivity that someone was negating my

reality, in essence. I guess there may apparently be more verbally

abusive people out there then one might think? Either that or I have

a sign on that says " verbally abuse me " I better have someone

check my back side!

Theresa

>

>

> The teacher responded fairly nicely, but this part bites: She said

> she also works full time and is home schooling 6 kids (was 7 but 1

> just graduated), that her husband is disabled so he tries to

> contribute some to home schooling but not much, really. Theresa

>

> …..This is called negating or discounting. These are described in

> book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Negating

> denies or belittles the perceptions, experiences, values, and

> accomplishments and plans of the person beginning the conversation or

> in your case, a written request. This is an act to cause anguish and

> confusion; many responders negate or discount and continue to do so

> for years because they do not know or do not care that they are being

> (verbally) abusive.

>

> Discounting denies the experience of the other person and is very

> destructive. You wrote a person of authority (a teacher) and

> trusted her for advice.

>

> She did make a dig at you and then turned around and helped you (with

> advise about the curriculum). So it is not wonder you had frustrated

> feelings. And yes, her comment DOES BITE. Take care, mg

>

>

> Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

> http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you! Just needed that positivity that someone was negating my

reality, in essence. I guess there may apparently be more verbally

abusive people out there then one might think? Either that or I have

a sign on that says " verbally abuse me " I better have someone

check my back side!

Theresa

>

>

> The teacher responded fairly nicely, but this part bites: She said

> she also works full time and is home schooling 6 kids (was 7 but 1

> just graduated), that her husband is disabled so he tries to

> contribute some to home schooling but not much, really. Theresa

>

> …..This is called negating or discounting. These are described in

> book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Negating

> denies or belittles the perceptions, experiences, values, and

> accomplishments and plans of the person beginning the conversation or

> in your case, a written request. This is an act to cause anguish and

> confusion; many responders negate or discount and continue to do so

> for years because they do not know or do not care that they are being

> (verbally) abusive.

>

> Discounting denies the experience of the other person and is very

> destructive. You wrote a person of authority (a teacher) and

> trusted her for advice.

>

> She did make a dig at you and then turned around and helped you (with

> advise about the curriculum). So it is not wonder you had frustrated

> feelings. And yes, her comment DOES BITE. Take care, mg

>

>

> Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

> http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/21/2005 1:05:15 PM Pacific Standard Time,

mghue_82@... writes:

Discounting denies the experience of the other person and is very

destructive. You wrote a person of authority (a teacher) and

trusted her for advice.

I'd like to add that authority figures/teachers/mentors who demean while

'doling' out help are acting out of a threadened/lessened self-esteem of their

own; and is using you to make themselves feel powerful/important/large. Don't

buy. Help4teachers.com is a great site for nearly any topic. CarolC./a

teacher

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/21/2005 1:05:15 PM Pacific Standard Time,

mghue_82@... writes:

Discounting denies the experience of the other person and is very

destructive. You wrote a person of authority (a teacher) and

trusted her for advice.

I'd like to add that authority figures/teachers/mentors who demean while

'doling' out help are acting out of a threadened/lessened self-esteem of their

own; and is using you to make themselves feel powerful/important/large. Don't

buy. Help4teachers.com is a great site for nearly any topic. CarolC./a

teacher

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/21/2005 1:05:15 PM Pacific Standard Time,

mghue_82@... writes:

Discounting denies the experience of the other person and is very

destructive. You wrote a person of authority (a teacher) and

trusted her for advice.

I'd like to add that authority figures/teachers/mentors who demean while

'doling' out help are acting out of a threadened/lessened self-esteem of their

own; and is using you to make themselves feel powerful/important/large. Don't

buy. Help4teachers.com is a great site for nearly any topic. CarolC./a

teacher

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/21/2005 1:54:11 PM Pacific Standard Time,

theresa.vidos@... writes:

I have

a sign on that says " verbally abuse me " I better have someone

check my back side!

Haha, that is what this list is for :-) we 'cover' one another's back...and

we all wear the 'i'm vulnerable' sign at times. Hugs, Carol

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/21/2005 1:54:11 PM Pacific Standard Time,

theresa.vidos@... writes:

I have

a sign on that says " verbally abuse me " I better have someone

check my back side!

Haha, that is what this list is for :-) we 'cover' one another's back...and

we all wear the 'i'm vulnerable' sign at times. Hugs, Carol

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/21/2005 1:54:11 PM Pacific Standard Time,

theresa.vidos@... writes:

I have

a sign on that says " verbally abuse me " I better have someone

check my back side!

Haha, that is what this list is for :-) we 'cover' one another's back...and

we all wear the 'i'm vulnerable' sign at times. Hugs, Carol