Guest guest Posted December 22, 2004 Report Share Posted December 22, 2004 Hey, my nada does the same EXACT thing to my sister (who lives with her hubby and 3 kids 1000 miles away from nada which is the reason nada does this with her and not with me) . My sister is also trying to declutter and does not want all the little knick knacky unimportant things or things that are not much use or things the kids will forget about because they don't really want it anyway. My sister has also asked my nada to just get 1 good thing that each of them really wants and just focus the money on that. But nooooo, nada thinks the more the better - it makes nada feel good to look like she is giving them tons of stuff. She thinks it impresses the little children (who are 5 and younger so don't know any better). Nada does not do such things to me and my 14 year old daughter because my 14 year old is not cute to her any more (even though she wants to act as though she is my daughter's mother) and I live too close. Plus I am on her bad list now - get this - someone in her subdivision or close to called the city on all nada's animals (she just recently got a Pigmy goat who bleats rather LOUDLY when he is scared or can't get to his food). Well, nada and her husband claim I am the one who called the city, Why? Because we have not been getting along plus she thinks I want to get rid of those little mini horses so my daughter will not want to go over there any more. Well I do sort of want that to happen but at the same time I would NEVER do such a mean thing because I know how much my daughter really likes those horses. Of course I would feel guilt from hell in all the FOG if I did such a thing. Anway, she is probably calling all her croonies by now telling me how evil I am (I know she told at least 3 people already). AND, she claims I wanted to do this because my daughter went to the retreat at the boarding school for a week and that I wanted the animals to be gone by the time she got back. I don't know if she really ends up having to get rid of all the animals, but if she does it sure the heck is better someone else made it happen and would actually be a relief to me! I have not talked to nada in 4 days and it's been a relief. Theresa > > > Background: > Nada always comes to my house for xmas. This year I asked her to > stay away. I wanted to create good holiday memories with my husband > and son. I have had very limited phone contact and no visits with > her in the past 6 months since her last huge rage. > > Problem: > Nada sent 3 huge boxes of presents to my house. Tons for son and for > me, and $ for husband to use to go skiiing. Now, I know that Nada > only has my small family and my sister to buy gifts for. I know that > she likes to shop. I know that every year she goes overboard for > gifts, even when I have asked her not too. I am at the point in my > life where I am decluttering constantly. I really don't want or need > anything small. New furniture- sure. A trip away from the daily > grind, sure. > > So, why do I feel bad about all of these gifts? I think it is > because I am mad/sad/annoyed that Nada has not learned who the real > me, what my real wants/needs are. Ahe is doing what makes HER feel > good, instead off what I would actually wish for. > > Is this more FOG? Shouldn't I feel grateful that I have so many > beautifully wrapped gifts under the tree? ICK. Plus it will make me > feel inauthentic when I have to thank Nada for all of the lovely > gifts. > > Thanks for reading. I feel better knowing that I have vented a bit. > > Di. > > > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: > http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 .....................> > So, why do I feel bad about all of these gifts? I think it is > because I am mad/sad/annoyed that Nada has not learned who the real > me, what my real wants/needs are. Ahe is doing what makes HER feel > good, instead off what I would actually wish for. > > Is this more FOG? Shouldn't I feel grateful that I have so many > beautifully wrapped gifts under the tree? ICK. Plus it will make me > feel inauthentic when I have to thank Nada for all of the lovely > gifts. > > Thanks for reading. I feel better knowing that I have vented a bit. > > Di. Di - It sounds like there is some FOG swirling around those presents! Probably residual stuff cause you are not playing nada's games, but still have some bad feelings since you know she isn't going to be happy. I wouldn't feel grateful for gifts that I didn't want, couldn't use, or that added to the clutter in my house. I also get bad feelings about anything that my nada has touched. I am working of giving/throwing away everthing that nada came into contact with. Perhaps you can donate the gifts where they can be of use or benefit to someone. It is so frustrating realizing that our nadas really don't know us at all. They have their own ideas of us, and we just extensions of them, split either good or bad, but still not separate individuals. Don't you wish we could declutter our minds too? In spite of the nada stuff, I hope you have a happy holiday, Sylvia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2004 Report Share Posted December 24, 2004 > Di - It sounds like there is some FOG swirling around those > presents! Me too. I didn't get anybody any presents. My son didn't either. I told him that was the best present he could give - freedom from guilt. - Dan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 24, 2004 Report Share Posted December 24, 2004 > Di - It sounds like there is some FOG swirling around those > presents! Me too. I didn't get anybody any presents. My son didn't either. I told him that was the best present he could give - freedom from guilt. - Dan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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