Re: things that nada said,too.

[Guest guest]

I had that credibility issue with my mom, too. My mom knows how to

control her behaviour. She does so whenever she wants to look good to

outsiders. When I was a teen living at home with her, I tried to get

help from social services. I tried to get help from friends' parents.

I tried to get help from school. When people talked to her about it,

she was very intelligent, very calm, very

poor-pitiful-me-i-have-a-terrible-lying-daughter-who-has-

always-been-mentally-ill-what-can-i-do?. As soon as she was done

talking to people, their attitude toward me changed 180 degrees. I was

now the problem. She still does that. It doesn't effect me though

since I don't live near her.

Sometimes I hate her, but I think I really just hate her behaviour.

There is a part of her I love, but I haven't seen it in about 20

years. Ever since I left home, she has gotten more and more afraid of

being alone (my view of it anyway) and she pushes us further and

further. It is sad.

Bartnazor

> She told someone recently that I cussed her out. I don't even speak

> when I am angry I just go away until I can react without anger.

> Maybe the worse is that people believe your mother about you even if

> you are a grandparent yourself.

> Is it fair to say that I hate her...

> She will go to her grave in denial while we, her family are left in

> shambles.

> expect2fly

[Guest guest]

I had that credibility issue with my mom, too. My mom knows how to

control her behaviour. She does so whenever she wants to look good to

outsiders. When I was a teen living at home with her, I tried to get

help from social services. I tried to get help from friends' parents.

I tried to get help from school. When people talked to her about it,

she was very intelligent, very calm, very

poor-pitiful-me-i-have-a-terrible-lying-daughter-who-has-

always-been-mentally-ill-what-can-i-do?. As soon as she was done

talking to people, their attitude toward me changed 180 degrees. I was

now the problem. She still does that. It doesn't effect me though

since I don't live near her.

Sometimes I hate her, but I think I really just hate her behaviour.

There is a part of her I love, but I haven't seen it in about 20

years. Ever since I left home, she has gotten more and more afraid of

being alone (my view of it anyway) and she pushes us further and

further. It is sad.

Bartnazor

> She told someone recently that I cussed her out. I don't even speak

> when I am angry I just go away until I can react without anger.

> Maybe the worse is that people believe your mother about you even if

> you are a grandparent yourself.

> Is it fair to say that I hate her...

> She will go to her grave in denial while we, her family are left in

> shambles.

> expect2fly

[Guest guest]

Most memorable of what my mom would say:

" I should have had you over the toilet " (and flushed).

Bartnazor

> Like so many on the list that have shared I would like to add in my 2

> cents worth: Typical nada comments.

> " He will never amount to anything. " He is now one of the kindest and

> wealthest men in the world.

> " I can't tell her that I was wrong about you because she won't let

> me. " My nada talking about my daughter.

> " You didn't have to leave home just because he said you caused all of

> our problems and that I had never wanted you. " . "

[Guest guest]

Bart,

That was so true for me too:

>When people talked to her about it,

> she was very intelligent, very calm, very

> poor-pitiful-me-i-have-a-terrible-lying-daughter-who-has-

> always-been-mentally-ill-what-can-i-do?. As soon as she was done

> talking to people, their attitude toward me changed 180 degrees. I

was

> now the problem. She still does that.

I knew I was right, but I couldn't understand how she managed to

fool others and they believed HER over ME. I still don't understand

it. Anyone??????? -Kari

[Guest guest]

Bart,

That was so true for me too:

>When people talked to her about it,

> she was very intelligent, very calm, very

> poor-pitiful-me-i-have-a-terrible-lying-daughter-who-has-

> always-been-mentally-ill-what-can-i-do?. As soon as she was done

> talking to people, their attitude toward me changed 180 degrees. I

was

> now the problem. She still does that.

I knew I was right, but I couldn't understand how she managed to

fool others and they believed HER over ME. I still don't understand

it. Anyone??????? -Kari

[Guest guest]

It is a great shame that your 'mom' didn't have that nada warning

tatooed on her. Although I know these things happen, and I have been

the recipient of many cruel statements from my nada, I still find it

incomprehensible that our parents have said what they have, and

treated us the way they have.

Sylvia

> Most memorable of what my mom would say:

>

> " I should have had you over the toilet " (and flushed).

>

> Bartnazor

>

>

>

> > Like so many on the list that have shared I would like to add in

my 2

> > cents worth: Typical nada comments.

> > " He will never amount to anything. " He is now one of the kindest

and

> > wealthest men in the world.

> > " I can't tell her that I was wrong about you because she won't

let

> > me. " My nada talking about my daughter.

> > " You didn't have to leave home just because he said you caused

all of

> > our problems and that I had never wanted you. " . "

[Guest guest]

It is a great shame that your 'mom' didn't have that nada warning

tatooed on her. Although I know these things happen, and I have been

the recipient of many cruel statements from my nada, I still find it

incomprehensible that our parents have said what they have, and

treated us the way they have.

Sylvia

> Most memorable of what my mom would say:

>

> " I should have had you over the toilet " (and flushed).

>

> Bartnazor

>

>

>

> > Like so many on the list that have shared I would like to add in

my 2

> > cents worth: Typical nada comments.

> > " He will never amount to anything. " He is now one of the kindest

and

> > wealthest men in the world.

> > " I can't tell her that I was wrong about you because she won't

let

> > me. " My nada talking about my daughter.

> > " You didn't have to leave home just because he said you caused

all of

> > our problems and that I had never wanted you. " . "

[Guest guest]

-

>

>

>

> > Most memorable of what my mom would say:

> >

> > " I should have had you over the toilet " (and flushed).

> >

> > Bartnazor

> >

> >

> >

> > And " If you don'y like it find another family> "

It is barbaric..

[Guest guest]

Kari,

My take on it is this: when an adult is confronted with a parent who

says " my teenage daughter is acting like a rebellious hellion " or

words to that effect, and the parent behaves intelligently and

rationally (in contradiction to what the teenager has been telling

others) most would be tempted to believe the adult. Teenagers are

infamous for rebellious, cantankerous behavior. Also, some kids lie

about their parents when they are mad at their parents. It is a big

deal to step between a parent and child. It involves calling social

services, the police, and if the child is a liar then the intervening

adult looks the fool. People are understandably reluctant to get

between a parent and child unless there is obvious evidence of

physical abuse or allegations of sexual molestation.

I can actually forgive the adults who didn't do anything or who

believed my mother. Perhaps they didn't believe her as much as I

thought then. Perhaps they just were thrown off enough by her act to

have doubts about interfering as long as I wasn't physically in danger.

Bartnazor

> Bart,

> That was so true for me too:

>

> >When people talked to her about it,

> > she was very intelligent, very calm, very

> > poor-pitiful-me-i-have-a-terrible-lying-daughter-who-has-

> > always-been-mentally-ill-what-can-i-do?. As soon as she was done

> > talking to people, their attitude toward me changed 180 degrees. I

> was

> > now the problem. She still does that.

>

> I knew I was right, but I couldn't understand how she managed to

> fool others and they believed HER over ME. I still don't understand

> it. Anyone??????? -Kari