mother's day/contact from nada

[Guest guest]

Hi folks!

I just read the post on mother's day and am also filled with conflicting

feelings. My nada's birthday is April 30, too, so there are two occasions

that cause my teeth to chatter in fear that she will not be able to control

herself and once again try to force me to interact with her (those never end

well). On top of that, she just e-mailed me saying " is our attempt at

reconciliation off? Please let me know. " This is just psychotic, as there IS

no attempt at reconciliation. I sent her registered mail over a year ago

telling her not to contact me by any means under any circumstances at all:

it wasn't vague. I wonder if I should send another letter re-establishing

slightly modified boundaries because I do want to allow her to inform me of

events such as illness in close family members, but I quake at ANY

interaction with her. It's like poking a wasp nest. Anyway, in the meantime

I feel like the world's worst and most cruel daughter, refusing to even send

her cards for her birthday or mother's day. I try to perk myself up by

reminding myself that I'd like nothing better than to have at least a civil

relationship with my mother, but she has shown no indication that she can

handle attempts at having one without behaving in ways that are abusive and

crazy-making for me.

In other words, it's not punishment for her, it's protection for me.

Still. I go back and forth several times a day wondering if I'm nuts and

making all this up, blah blah blah...it's tiresome. I'm so glad I found this

list. I love all the posts and knowing I may be nuts but not on this

particular issue!

Megen