Re: ill

[Guest guest]

Would you mind posting more about the email thing? I can't recall

what that was about.

But about feeling guilt, depression, anger, and confusion. That

sounds like a legacy from a BPD parent. Our nada/fada instilled

these feelings in us in order to control us so that they could feel

good. They didn't/couldn't/wouldn't consider how their behavior

affected us, for after all, to them, we were not individuals, we were

just an extension of them.

The difficult job of sifting through all of this, and getting rid of

the junk, replacing it with loving, comforting, and encouraging

thoughts, is what we have to go through to heal ourselves. It is

hard, and it takes time, but it is very much worth it.

I am not a particularly religious person, but I do believe in the

concept of " God doesn't make junk. " You are a special and unique

individual. You may have hidden this deep inside to protect yourself

when you were a child. Give yourself the time you need to heal.

I hope you can take comfort in this holiday season that though you

may be alone, there are all of us who are together in spirit as we

support each other on our journeys of self healing.

Be extra kind and gentle to yourself,

Sylvia

>

> I just feel a combination of guilt, depression, anger, and

confusion

> over the whole email thing. I am sitting here questioning my worth

> and no wonder I'll be sitting here alone on Christmas.

[Guest guest]

> >

> > I just feel a combination of guilt, depression, anger, and

> confusion

> > over the whole email thing. I am sitting here questioning my

worth

> > and no wonder I'll be sitting here alone on Christmas.

[Guest guest]

> >

> > I just feel a combination of guilt, depression, anger, and

> confusion

> > over the whole email thing. I am sitting here questioning my

worth

> > and no wonder I'll be sitting here alone on Christmas.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

First of all, big (((hugs))) to you for the rough time you're going

through right now. The holidays are certainly hard enough for us

KO's as it is. I'm glad you're posting here. This list is pretty

quiet over the holidays but there are always some of us hanging

around, and there is definitely comfort to be found in that.

Nobody, not even " normal " people, can ever make a guarantee that

they will never have another emotional outburst. We're human, filled

with unpredictable emotions, but the beauty of that is, we're all in

the same boat! It actually sounds like something my nada would do,

i.e. " I'll love you but only if you act exactly the way I want you

to. " That may not have been the actual intent of the email you

received, but it sure sounded like it from here. Nobody's perfect,

period. We're all trying our best to be better people, but we all

have our flaws and quirks and bad days. Even the person who sent

that email! Acceptance of another person means accepting all their

good stuff AND their bad stuff, it's not conditional.

You're not a bad person. You have far more junk to process than most

people, but the fact that you're trying to work through it speaks of

far more strength than most people have! Celebrate the strength in

you. Love the person you are, because you're worthy of love right at

this very moment - not when you're better, not when you're not

emotional, right NOW.

And post here whenever you need to.

> I know, I am trying so hard, but that email really set me back.

>It's like I love you but you're too bad a person to ever let back

>into my life in a loving way. I sort of feel like, what's the point

>of going on? I can't guarantee I'll never have another emotional

>outburst because of what I've been through. sOmetimes these things

>happen, whether you're aware of them or not and what if that chases

>off the next one? Or even this one again? I feel I'll never

>be 'normal'.