BPD mom with ailing dad

[Guest guest]

I am new at this. I am learning as fast as I can. SWOE has been an

eyeopening book. I have to reread passages many times to begin to

get the ideas. It gives advice many other books have given but the

context of BPD and how it limits the sufferer is extremely helpful.

It does make sense.

My huge concern has been that my BPD mom is the responsible

person for my ailing dad. She has always treated him with

disrespect. She is convinced that he is the reason she has not

succeeded in life. I have seen over the years that it is her false

assumptions that cause landslides that block her from getting to the

other side of the road (the successful side).

Now she dutifully keeps track of my dad's medicines, gets him to

the oncologist. REports to the doctors when there are changes. Yet,

she treats him like a child, still expects him to cook, do the

dishes and clean the house. She is allergic to dust i can't see her

hiring a cleaning service. She is so stuck and afraid of not having

enough money that she continues to pursue numerous activities that

have nothing to do with the problems at hand. They should move from

their 4 bdrm home. She is still sorting through files and

destroying anything which might allow someone to steal her

identity. She is obsessed with her stuff, will not let my dad get

rid of anything that might remotely be hers.

She wants to rent a place that could fit her grand piano but not

pay more than $1,200 a month for a two-bedroom apt in a metro

area. She has always insisted on deadbolting the locks on all the

outside doors to the house whether she is in the house or outside.

My dad has always bowed to her rules though he will get angry.

Where am I going with all this? I checked with my father

yesterday. He knows life is more difficult because he will not set

limits. He feels his job is to live within her guidelines. He

acknowledges that if he should fall and not be able to open the door

he would still call 911 and let them break down the door. You see I

cannot be trusted with the house keys though I live only 4 mi away.

Just wondering if others facing similar challenges.

slips

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/21/04 2:24:45 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

comeslippers@... writes:

I am new at this. I am learning as fast as I can. SWOE has been an

eyeopening book. I have to reread passages many times to begin to

get the ideas. It gives advice many other books have given but the

context of BPD and how it limits the sufferer is extremely helpful.

It does make sense.

My huge concern has been that my BPD mom is the responsible

person for my ailing dad. She has always treated him with

disrespect. She is convinced that he is the reason she has not

succeeded in life. I have seen over the years that it is her false

assumptions that cause landslides that block her from getting to the

other side of the road (the successful side).

Now she dutifully keeps track of my dad's medicines, gets him to

the oncologist. REports to the doctors when there are changes. Yet,

she treats him like a child, still expects him to cook, do the

dishes and clean the house. She is allergic to dust i can't see her

hiring a cleaning service. She is so stuck and afraid of not having

enough money that she continues to pursue numerous activities that

have nothing to do with the problems at hand. They should move from

their 4 bdrm home. She is still sorting through files and

destroying anything which might allow someone to steal her

identity. She is obsessed with her stuff, will not let my dad get

rid of anything that might remotely be hers.

She wants to rent a place that could fit her grand piano but not

pay more than $1,200 a month for a two-bedroom apt in a metro

area. She has always insisted on deadbolting the locks on all the

outside doors to the house whether she is in the house or outside.

My dad has always bowed to her rules though he will get angry.

Where am I going with all this? I checked with my father

yesterday. He knows life is more difficult because he will not set

limits. He feels his job is to live within her guidelines. He

acknowledges that if he should fall and not be able to open the door

he would still call 911 and let them break down the door. You see I

cannot be trusted with the house keys though I live only 4 mi away.

Just wondering if others facing similar challenges.

slips

Hi Slips,

Your Dad already knows the consequences of defying her. My nada also

designates herself as the 'caregiver'...rages if she is not the center of

attention

in my dad and siblings illnesses. She also has 'taken' every endeavor of Dad's

away, for her own. The BP is always the undiscovered, 'unaccomplished

because of other people' GENIUS in the family (I say that with tongue in cheek).

If you can persuade your Dad to allow you to copy his keys you could check on

him when she is not at home. Carol

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/25/04 3:22:30 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

expect2fly@... writes:

they truely believe we think like they think and so of

course we can't be trusted.

This might be the root of nada rage...we defy their expectations, and think

over their heads. Carol

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/25/04 3:22:30 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

expect2fly@... writes:

they truely believe we think like they think and so of

course we can't be trusted.

This might be the root of nada rage...we defy their expectations, and think

over their heads. Carol