Guest guest Posted December 7, 2004 Report Share Posted December 7, 2004 little_ugh wrote: > How she worked it in our FOO was she doted on the first > child (me), til the next one came along (Al). Then she dumped little > Al for another sister, dumped her for the next baby and so on down the > line. It was horrible and confusing. The last one has her all to > himself and he's feeling pretty smug. Boy, is he delusional. > > Les **Hi Les, Nada has done the same thing to some extent with her grandchildren. We think it's because she loves them best when they are too young to disagree or really voice their own opinions. As long as she can have complete control - that child is her favorite - but once that control starts to slip - well, time for a new one. As kids, she really stuck to me as the split good - because I was a pleaser of the first order. I would've done anything to make sure she would still love me. In high school, I had a great experience of going abroad for a month - with people whom I had never met. What an eye-opening experience for me - to have people see me differently than nada. I picked up a new attitude (which had been coming anyway with other accomplishments than had given me confidence) - and needless to say - I have been split mostly bad since. Occassionally, I'm good - but not often. My younger sister is split good right now. And I admit - we tease her saying nada thinks she's the best. My brother-in-law keeps telling sis " but look at the source - are you sure that's a good thing. " Love him - he always makes me laugh - and it's so necessary to laugh. Also - for a while nada kept saying she was going to move to the same city my sister is moving too. Brother-in-law kept saying " Quit being nice to your mom. " Then nada decided she would move south instead and he said to sis " way to be mean. " I sometimes need help keeping my sense of humor - my sister has a winner of a husband and helps us all keep our balance. Take care of yourself Kath Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2004 Report Share Posted December 7, 2004 Hi, Kath, You're right that it's a control thing. When a child reaches a point where they are beginning to have a mind of their own, it's a betrayal. So she moves down to a younger one. She used to portray herself as " having a soft spot for children " . Yuk. Your BIL sounds funny. Neat what one cool head in a family can accomplish, isn't it? I've been split bad for a while now. Al and I had to laugh a few years ago when I'd made tentative re-contact with our nada. Previously Nada'd been bugging me to move to GA because she knew I would just love it to death. I would be just so happy there. It's just so gracious there. The weather is just so great. No one should live in the west. She would never live west of the Mississippi again. The weather is just so bad. People out there just don't know how to act. Montana people are just extra awful. They have such bad attitudes. They are so negative. And on, and on. (Now I think she was trying to get me set up in that state in case she wanted to move in with me. I think she was working on positioning us all so she'd have options.) Well, in the interim, Al moved to that very state. Then she and I got into contact again, and my SO and I decided to move there to be near Al. I thought nada would be happy that I was finally doing her bidding. I hadn't realized her probable motives at that time. I told her, " you're going to be so happy. We're moving to GA. " Nada was very, very quiet for moment. Then in a wee, tiny, little voice, she said, " I don't think you'll like it there. " !!!! Les Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2004 Report Share Posted December 7, 2004 Hi, Kath, You're right that it's a control thing. When a child reaches a point where they are beginning to have a mind of their own, it's a betrayal. So she moves down to a younger one. She used to portray herself as " having a soft spot for children " . Yuk. Your BIL sounds funny. Neat what one cool head in a family can accomplish, isn't it? I've been split bad for a while now. Al and I had to laugh a few years ago when I'd made tentative re-contact with our nada. Previously Nada'd been bugging me to move to GA because she knew I would just love it to death. I would be just so happy there. It's just so gracious there. The weather is just so great. No one should live in the west. She would never live west of the Mississippi again. The weather is just so bad. People out there just don't know how to act. Montana people are just extra awful. They have such bad attitudes. They are so negative. And on, and on. (Now I think she was trying to get me set up in that state in case she wanted to move in with me. I think she was working on positioning us all so she'd have options.) Well, in the interim, Al moved to that very state. Then she and I got into contact again, and my SO and I decided to move there to be near Al. I thought nada would be happy that I was finally doing her bidding. I hadn't realized her probable motives at that time. I told her, " you're going to be so happy. We're moving to GA. " Nada was very, very quiet for moment. Then in a wee, tiny, little voice, she said, " I don't think you'll like it there. " !!!! Les Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2004 Report Share Posted December 7, 2004 ............... My daughter had noticed that when we are around my sister's children that " grandma " acts differently and seems to prefer them and love them more. I told my daughter to wait until they are little older and then she will be treating them with not much favoritism any more because they will not be so cute, adorable and all worshiping of " grandma " . My daughter still thinks it not fair but knew what I was talking about. > > So, yep, as long as nada has control over them because they are too young to know any better or do anything about it those are the ones she likes; get a little older and you're out the door in the sense of being treated well. > > Theresa *****In one of the last conversations I had with my nada, she told me that there was never a child that was loved more than I was. I had heard that several other times from her as well. Of course, I wondered exactly what she thought love was, if the was she treated me was loving in her mind. After giving it much thought, what I think was going on was how great SHE was feeling with her little baby who was so adoring and responsive to her. She equated that feeling with loving me. It was quite the opposite. It was I who loved her so very, very much. Never was there a mother who was loved more than she was. Unfortunately, she couldn't recognize the love I was giving her, and very unfortunately, she couldn't reciprocate in any way. Sylvia > > > ________________________________________________________________ > Juno Gift Certificates > Give the gift of Internet access this holiday season. > http://www.juno.com/give Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2004 Report Share Posted December 7, 2004 >*****In one of the last conversations I had with my nada, she told me >that there was never a child that was loved more than I was. I had >heard that several other times from her as well. Of course, I >wondered exactly what she thought love was, if the was she treated me >was loving in her mind. After giving it much thought, what I think >was going on was how great SHE was feeling with her little baby who >was so adoring and responsive to her. She equated that feeling with >loving me. It was quite the opposite. It was I who loved her so >very, very much. Never was there a mother who was loved more than she >was. Unfortunately, she couldn't recognize the love I was giving >her, and very unfortunately, she couldn't reciprocate in any way. >Sylvia > > Yes, my nada " thinks " she loves my daughter probably even more than I do because she does things for her - has those little horses, takes daughter to lessons, buys her things, helps her with a few things, etc. etc. All it is, though, is nada living her life through a child again which is not love. Then when the child grows up she lets them know how many strings were attached for " all I ever did for you " blah blah Theresa ________________________________________________________________ Juno Gift Certificates Give the gift of Internet access this holiday season. http://www.juno.com/give Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2004 Report Share Posted December 7, 2004 >Theresa, >Many years ago, I stop accepting all but the most token gifts from >nada. The gifts were nice, but someone was always getting caught up >in the strings! >Sylvia > > If it were just me I could do it. If I lived far away I probably could do it. Having to keep my daughter from the horses is what I am having such a hard time with. Of course, nada knows that !! UGH !! At least I can take away her driving my daughter everywhere, don't have a problem with that except that daughter will have to give up several things because I work when most homeschoolers get together for anything. So in essence we get to just be our hermit selves because I can't take her anywhere and won't allow nada to take her, either. Then to take the horses away from my daughter would just make it all the much more difficult. You can see why I hope maybe she will try the boarding school 1000 miles away. If not, I have to get the effort up to move 1000 miles away. My sister has a minimum requirement of living at least 1000 miles away from nada. The boarding school would not make me feel the FOG from nada; me just up and moving 1000 miles away would. Theresa ________________________________________________________________ Juno Gift Certificates Give the gift of Internet access this holiday season. http://www.juno.com/give Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2004 Report Share Posted December 7, 2004 >Theresa, >Many years ago, I stop accepting all but the most token gifts from >nada. The gifts were nice, but someone was always getting caught up >in the strings! >Sylvia > > If it were just me I could do it. If I lived far away I probably could do it. Having to keep my daughter from the horses is what I am having such a hard time with. Of course, nada knows that !! UGH !! At least I can take away her driving my daughter everywhere, don't have a problem with that except that daughter will have to give up several things because I work when most homeschoolers get together for anything. So in essence we get to just be our hermit selves because I can't take her anywhere and won't allow nada to take her, either. Then to take the horses away from my daughter would just make it all the much more difficult. You can see why I hope maybe she will try the boarding school 1000 miles away. If not, I have to get the effort up to move 1000 miles away. My sister has a minimum requirement of living at least 1000 miles away from nada. The boarding school would not make me feel the FOG from nada; me just up and moving 1000 miles away would. Theresa ________________________________________________________________ Juno Gift Certificates Give the gift of Internet access this holiday season. http://www.juno.com/give Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2004 Report Share Posted December 7, 2004 >Theresa, >Many years ago, I stop accepting all but the most token gifts from >nada. The gifts were nice, but someone was always getting caught up >in the strings! >Sylvia > > If it were just me I could do it. If I lived far away I probably could do it. Having to keep my daughter from the horses is what I am having such a hard time with. Of course, nada knows that !! UGH !! At least I can take away her driving my daughter everywhere, don't have a problem with that except that daughter will have to give up several things because I work when most homeschoolers get together for anything. So in essence we get to just be our hermit selves because I can't take her anywhere and won't allow nada to take her, either. Then to take the horses away from my daughter would just make it all the much more difficult. You can see why I hope maybe she will try the boarding school 1000 miles away. If not, I have to get the effort up to move 1000 miles away. My sister has a minimum requirement of living at least 1000 miles away from nada. The boarding school would not make me feel the FOG from nada; me just up and moving 1000 miles away would. Theresa ________________________________________________________________ Juno Gift Certificates Give the gift of Internet access this holiday season. http://www.juno.com/give Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2004 Report Share Posted December 8, 2004 little_ugh wrote: > > Your BIL sounds funny. Neat what one cool head in a family can > accomplish, isn't it? **He is - I think he helps us all keep sane with his humor and laid back attitude. He helped me move out of nadas. I was sitting in the car waiting for him - and he came up to my window and asked if I had remembered the garlic and crosses since he forgot his - I really needed a little levity that day. Also nada cornered the other BIL - because he was the smart one and maybe he could talk sense into all of the daughters - BIL was dancing around the basement singing " I'm glad I'm stupid! " > I've been split bad for a while now. Al and I had to laugh a few > years ago when I'd made tentative re-contact with our nada. Previously > Nada'd been bugging me to move to GA because she knew I would just > love it to death. I would be just so happy there. It's just so > gracious there. The weather is just so great. No one should live in > the west. She would never live west of the Mississippi again. The > weather is just so bad. People out there just don't know how to act. > Montana people are just extra awful. They have such bad attitudes. > They are so negative. And on, and on. (Now I think she was trying to > get me set up in that state in case she wanted to move in with me. I > think she was working on positioning us all so she'd have options.) > > Well, in the interim, Al moved to that very state. Then she and I got > into contact again, and my SO and I decided to move there to be near > Al. I thought nada would be happy that I was finally doing her > bidding. I hadn't realized her probable motives at that time. I told > her, " you're going to be so happy. We're moving to GA. " > > Nada was very, very quiet for moment. Then in a wee, tiny, little > voice, she said, " I don't think you'll like it there. " !!!! **Crazy isn't it? Can't do anything right. You think we'd be used to it by now - or at least expect it. Glad you have your sister to rely on - and you two also seem to deal with this with a lot of sense of humor - I can do it sometimes - between BIL - you and Al - and others on the list - I'm working on finding the humor - so I can laugh instead of cry. Take care, Kath > Les Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2004 Report Share Posted December 8, 2004 little_ugh wrote: > > Your BIL sounds funny. Neat what one cool head in a family can > accomplish, isn't it? **He is - I think he helps us all keep sane with his humor and laid back attitude. He helped me move out of nadas. I was sitting in the car waiting for him - and he came up to my window and asked if I had remembered the garlic and crosses since he forgot his - I really needed a little levity that day. Also nada cornered the other BIL - because he was the smart one and maybe he could talk sense into all of the daughters - BIL was dancing around the basement singing " I'm glad I'm stupid! " > I've been split bad for a while now. Al and I had to laugh a few > years ago when I'd made tentative re-contact with our nada. Previously > Nada'd been bugging me to move to GA because she knew I would just > love it to death. I would be just so happy there. It's just so > gracious there. The weather is just so great. No one should live in > the west. She would never live west of the Mississippi again. The > weather is just so bad. People out there just don't know how to act. > Montana people are just extra awful. They have such bad attitudes. > They are so negative. And on, and on. (Now I think she was trying to > get me set up in that state in case she wanted to move in with me. I > think she was working on positioning us all so she'd have options.) > > Well, in the interim, Al moved to that very state. Then she and I got > into contact again, and my SO and I decided to move there to be near > Al. I thought nada would be happy that I was finally doing her > bidding. I hadn't realized her probable motives at that time. I told > her, " you're going to be so happy. We're moving to GA. " > > Nada was very, very quiet for moment. Then in a wee, tiny, little > voice, she said, " I don't think you'll like it there. " !!!! **Crazy isn't it? Can't do anything right. You think we'd be used to it by now - or at least expect it. Glad you have your sister to rely on - and you two also seem to deal with this with a lot of sense of humor - I can do it sometimes - between BIL - you and Al - and others on the list - I'm working on finding the humor - so I can laugh instead of cry. Take care, Kath > Les Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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