Re: Still have a nada voice in my head

[Guest guest]

Sylvia,

I think it is good thaat you shared these thoughts with us. It is

important to know that these Nada FOG's can come and go and that as

we go along we can process them a bit quicker each time.

It is very honest of you to admit that you had such a jolt- just

from Nada's phone call.

As I read your post, I thought, " oh Sylvia, Just call. Just do it-

you don't have to talk to nada, just ask to speak directly to you

father. " But then I remembered how much I hate to call my nada and

how bad I felt afterward. She can make me feel like crap just with

the tome of her voice. Or her tone makes me angry that she is

treating me poorly.

Can you send father a get well card with the simple message that you

hope is is getting better everyday, and that when he feels up to it

to give you a call? Send it registered again so you know that he

signed for it.

I am wishing you a good dose of strength and the ability to toss out

that depression. You are and always have been a good daughter...it

was nada that interfered with your kindness.

Di.

>

> Hello everyone,

>

> I wanted to send a brief update. My dad was discharged from the

> hospital last Friday. I have not talked to him or anyone from the

> family. I would really like to talk to him, but I know that nada

> will answer the phone, and I don't want to talk to her. It is

> amazing how strong the emotion is of not wanting to have any

contact

> with her. What I think has happened is that I had to suppress

these

> feelings for so long, and they were unresolved. Now that they are

> surfacing, they are overwhelming. I am sure they were

overwhelming

> when I was a child, too. I also know that for so many years I

kept

> on doing what I was 'supposed' to do, and I could do that because

the

> feelings were surpressed. Now that they are on the surface, I

cannot

> go back to that false obedience to what I was taught as a child.

I

> am amazed that I am following my instincts, and respecting my

> feelings. This is a strange experience, but an encouraging one.

I

> can see now how my respecting my own feelings leads to my being

able

> to expect respect from others - and to turn away from people who

do

> not want to respect me.

>

> However, since dad was in the hospital. Some of the 'nada voice'

or

> negative self talk has returned. It has left me more depressed

> again. I am just bummed out that this has happened, and more from

> having to hear nada's voice on the answering machine than by the

fact

> that my dad was hospitalized. But the positive is that I am

> confident that I will be able to overcome this set back, and get

back

> on track toward the growth I had been experiencing.

>

> I just want to confirm again that this struggle is hard, and it

takes

> as much time as it takes. There are no time lines out there. But

it

> is certainly worth all the effort we have to put into it.

>

> Take care everyone,

>

> Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Sylvia,

I think it is good thaat you shared these thoughts with us. It is

important to know that these Nada FOG's can come and go and that as

we go along we can process them a bit quicker each time.

It is very honest of you to admit that you had such a jolt- just

from Nada's phone call.

As I read your post, I thought, " oh Sylvia, Just call. Just do it-

you don't have to talk to nada, just ask to speak directly to you

father. " But then I remembered how much I hate to call my nada and

how bad I felt afterward. She can make me feel like crap just with

the tome of her voice. Or her tone makes me angry that she is

treating me poorly.

Can you send father a get well card with the simple message that you

hope is is getting better everyday, and that when he feels up to it

to give you a call? Send it registered again so you know that he

signed for it.

I am wishing you a good dose of strength and the ability to toss out

that depression. You are and always have been a good daughter...it

was nada that interfered with your kindness.

Di.

>

> Hello everyone,

>

> I wanted to send a brief update. My dad was discharged from the

> hospital last Friday. I have not talked to him or anyone from the

> family. I would really like to talk to him, but I know that nada

> will answer the phone, and I don't want to talk to her. It is

> amazing how strong the emotion is of not wanting to have any

contact

> with her. What I think has happened is that I had to suppress

these

> feelings for so long, and they were unresolved. Now that they are

> surfacing, they are overwhelming. I am sure they were

overwhelming

> when I was a child, too. I also know that for so many years I

kept

> on doing what I was 'supposed' to do, and I could do that because

the

> feelings were surpressed. Now that they are on the surface, I

cannot

> go back to that false obedience to what I was taught as a child.

I

> am amazed that I am following my instincts, and respecting my

> feelings. This is a strange experience, but an encouraging one.

I

> can see now how my respecting my own feelings leads to my being

able

> to expect respect from others - and to turn away from people who

do

> not want to respect me.

>

> However, since dad was in the hospital. Some of the 'nada voice'

or

> negative self talk has returned. It has left me more depressed

> again. I am just bummed out that this has happened, and more from

> having to hear nada's voice on the answering machine than by the

fact

> that my dad was hospitalized. But the positive is that I am

> confident that I will be able to overcome this set back, and get

back

> on track toward the growth I had been experiencing.

>

> I just want to confirm again that this struggle is hard, and it

takes

> as much time as it takes. There are no time lines out there. But

it

> is certainly worth all the effort we have to put into it.

>

> Take care everyone,

>

> Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Sylvia,

I think it is good thaat you shared these thoughts with us. It is

important to know that these Nada FOG's can come and go and that as

we go along we can process them a bit quicker each time.

It is very honest of you to admit that you had such a jolt- just

from Nada's phone call.

As I read your post, I thought, " oh Sylvia, Just call. Just do it-

you don't have to talk to nada, just ask to speak directly to you

father. " But then I remembered how much I hate to call my nada and

how bad I felt afterward. She can make me feel like crap just with

the tome of her voice. Or her tone makes me angry that she is

treating me poorly.

Can you send father a get well card with the simple message that you

hope is is getting better everyday, and that when he feels up to it

to give you a call? Send it registered again so you know that he

signed for it.

I am wishing you a good dose of strength and the ability to toss out

that depression. You are and always have been a good daughter...it

was nada that interfered with your kindness.

Di.

>

> Hello everyone,

>

> I wanted to send a brief update. My dad was discharged from the

> hospital last Friday. I have not talked to him or anyone from the

> family. I would really like to talk to him, but I know that nada

> will answer the phone, and I don't want to talk to her. It is

> amazing how strong the emotion is of not wanting to have any

contact

> with her. What I think has happened is that I had to suppress

these

> feelings for so long, and they were unresolved. Now that they are

> surfacing, they are overwhelming. I am sure they were

overwhelming

> when I was a child, too. I also know that for so many years I

kept

> on doing what I was 'supposed' to do, and I could do that because

the

> feelings were surpressed. Now that they are on the surface, I

cannot

> go back to that false obedience to what I was taught as a child.

I

> am amazed that I am following my instincts, and respecting my

> feelings. This is a strange experience, but an encouraging one.

I

> can see now how my respecting my own feelings leads to my being

able

> to expect respect from others - and to turn away from people who

do

> not want to respect me.

>

> However, since dad was in the hospital. Some of the 'nada voice'

or

> negative self talk has returned. It has left me more depressed

> again. I am just bummed out that this has happened, and more from

> having to hear nada's voice on the answering machine than by the

fact

> that my dad was hospitalized. But the positive is that I am

> confident that I will be able to overcome this set back, and get

back

> on track toward the growth I had been experiencing.

>

> I just want to confirm again that this struggle is hard, and it

takes

> as much time as it takes. There are no time lines out there. But

it

> is certainly worth all the effort we have to put into it.

>

> Take care everyone,

>

> Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Hi Sylvia,

You're right; it is hard. No matter how you slice it. I never did

reach a point where I was untouched by it completely. I had moments

where I just wished so hard that I didn't have to make such a

difficult heart wrenching decision in order to be free. But I knew

deep down that I had to and I just kept going, even amidst the

guilt, pain and fear I kept moving away from FOO and towards freedom.

Once you see the truth and it is very clear, thinking of returning

is like walking into a fire. Something in us just won't let us, it

is too dangerous, too threatening to our survival.

This will pass. And until it does keep talking and getting angry,

sad, whatever. Don't turn it inward because that causes one to feel

so bad and then you will end up carrying all the garbage for

everyone. I think we KO's have a real tendency to turn our feelings

inward and that really makes for a heavy load. We end up carrying

everyones garbage around until we drop the load and say; To hell

with this; this can't ALL be mine! <wink>

Take care,

>

> Hello everyone,

>

> I wanted to send a brief update. My dad was discharged from the

> hospital last Friday. I have not talked to him or anyone from the

> family. I would really like to talk to him, but I know that nada

> will answer the phone, and I don't want to talk to her. It is

> amazing how strong the emotion is of not wanting to have any

contact

> with her. What I think has happened is that I had to suppress

these

> feelings for so long, and they were unresolved. Now that they are

> surfacing, they are overwhelming. I am sure they were

overwhelming

> when I was a child, too. I also know that for so many years I

kept

> on doing what I was 'supposed' to do, and I could do that because

the

> feelings were surpressed. Now that they are on the surface, I

cannot

> go back to that false obedience to what I was taught as a child.

I

> am amazed that I am following my instincts, and respecting my

> feelings. This is a strange experience, but an encouraging one.

I

> can see now how my respecting my own feelings leads to my being

able

> to expect respect from others - and to turn away from people who

do

> not want to respect me.

>

> However, since dad was in the hospital. Some of the 'nada voice'

or

> negative self talk has returned. It has left me more depressed

> again. I am just bummed out that this has happened, and more from

> having to hear nada's voice on the answering machine than by the

fact

> that my dad was hospitalized. But the positive is that I am

> confident that I will be able to overcome this set back, and get

back

> on track toward the growth I had been experiencing.

>

> I just want to confirm again that this struggle is hard, and it

takes

> as much time as it takes. There are no time lines out there. But

it

> is certainly worth all the effort we have to put into it.

>

> Take care everyone,

>

> Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Hi Sylvia,

You're right; it is hard. No matter how you slice it. I never did

reach a point where I was untouched by it completely. I had moments

where I just wished so hard that I didn't have to make such a

difficult heart wrenching decision in order to be free. But I knew

deep down that I had to and I just kept going, even amidst the

guilt, pain and fear I kept moving away from FOO and towards freedom.

Once you see the truth and it is very clear, thinking of returning

is like walking into a fire. Something in us just won't let us, it

is too dangerous, too threatening to our survival.

This will pass. And until it does keep talking and getting angry,

sad, whatever. Don't turn it inward because that causes one to feel

so bad and then you will end up carrying all the garbage for

everyone. I think we KO's have a real tendency to turn our feelings

inward and that really makes for a heavy load. We end up carrying

everyones garbage around until we drop the load and say; To hell

with this; this can't ALL be mine! <wink>

Take care,

>

> Hello everyone,

>

> I wanted to send a brief update. My dad was discharged from the

> hospital last Friday. I have not talked to him or anyone from the

> family. I would really like to talk to him, but I know that nada

> will answer the phone, and I don't want to talk to her. It is

> amazing how strong the emotion is of not wanting to have any

contact

> with her. What I think has happened is that I had to suppress

these

> feelings for so long, and they were unresolved. Now that they are

> surfacing, they are overwhelming. I am sure they were

overwhelming

> when I was a child, too. I also know that for so many years I

kept

> on doing what I was 'supposed' to do, and I could do that because

the

> feelings were surpressed. Now that they are on the surface, I

cannot

> go back to that false obedience to what I was taught as a child.

I

> am amazed that I am following my instincts, and respecting my

> feelings. This is a strange experience, but an encouraging one.

I

> can see now how my respecting my own feelings leads to my being

able

> to expect respect from others - and to turn away from people who

do

> not want to respect me.

>

> However, since dad was in the hospital. Some of the 'nada voice'

or

> negative self talk has returned. It has left me more depressed

> again. I am just bummed out that this has happened, and more from

> having to hear nada's voice on the answering machine than by the

fact

> that my dad was hospitalized. But the positive is that I am

> confident that I will be able to overcome this set back, and get

back

> on track toward the growth I had been experiencing.

>

> I just want to confirm again that this struggle is hard, and it

takes

> as much time as it takes. There are no time lines out there. But

it

> is certainly worth all the effort we have to put into it.

>

> Take care everyone,

>

> Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Hi Sylvia,

Just wanted to say, I'm glad your Dad is out of the hospital. I

also want to say we all know that you love him dearly. I'm not sure

if you indicated this in particular, but I know in such times we

would all tend to feel like nada's displeasure means we

don't 'properly' love our other family members. Nada's displeasure

at you protecting yourself from her can never negate your sincere

love for your father. It is only FOG, borderline thinking. I know

you would have liked to have been in contact with him more, but

remember that was not YOUR choice. Your father is the one who made

the decision to make any contact you have with him potentially

dangerous and painful to you, bks he is the one who chose to stay

connected to nada without defending you from her. Hope this

affirmation is helpful.

Ch

> >

> > Hello everyone,

> >

> > I wanted to send a brief update. My dad was discharged from the

> > hospital last Friday. I have not talked to him or anyone from

the

> > family. I would really like to talk to him, but I know that

nada

> > will answer the phone, and I don't want to talk to her. It is

> > amazing how strong the emotion is of not wanting to have any

> contact

> > with her. What I think has happened is that I had to suppress

> these

> > feelings for so long, and they were unresolved. Now that they

are

> > surfacing, they are overwhelming. I am sure they were

> overwhelming

> > when I was a child, too. I also know that for so many years I

> kept

> > on doing what I was 'supposed' to do, and I could do that

because

> the

> > feelings were surpressed. Now that they are on the surface, I

> cannot

> > go back to that false obedience to what I was taught as a

child.

> I

> > am amazed that I am following my instincts, and respecting my

> > feelings. This is a strange experience, but an encouraging

one.

> I

> > can see now how my respecting my own feelings leads to my being

> able

> > to expect respect from others - and to turn away from people who

> do

> > not want to respect me.

> >

> > However, since dad was in the hospital. Some of the 'nada

voice'

> or

> > negative self talk has returned. It has left me more depressed

> > again. I am just bummed out that this has happened, and more

from

> > having to hear nada's voice on the answering machine than by the

> fact

> > that my dad was hospitalized. But the positive is that I am

> > confident that I will be able to overcome this set back, and get

> back

> > on track toward the growth I had been experiencing.

> >

> > I just want to confirm again that this struggle is hard, and it

> takes

> > as much time as it takes. There are no time lines out there.

But

> it

> > is certainly worth all the effort we have to put into it.

> >

> > Take care everyone,

> >

> > Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Hi Sylvia,

Just wanted to say, I'm glad your Dad is out of the hospital. I

also want to say we all know that you love him dearly. I'm not sure

if you indicated this in particular, but I know in such times we

would all tend to feel like nada's displeasure means we

don't 'properly' love our other family members. Nada's displeasure

at you protecting yourself from her can never negate your sincere

love for your father. It is only FOG, borderline thinking. I know

you would have liked to have been in contact with him more, but

remember that was not YOUR choice. Your father is the one who made

the decision to make any contact you have with him potentially

dangerous and painful to you, bks he is the one who chose to stay

connected to nada without defending you from her. Hope this

affirmation is helpful.

Ch

> >

> > Hello everyone,

> >

> > I wanted to send a brief update. My dad was discharged from the

> > hospital last Friday. I have not talked to him or anyone from

the

> > family. I would really like to talk to him, but I know that

nada

> > will answer the phone, and I don't want to talk to her. It is

> > amazing how strong the emotion is of not wanting to have any

> contact

> > with her. What I think has happened is that I had to suppress

> these

> > feelings for so long, and they were unresolved. Now that they

are

> > surfacing, they are overwhelming. I am sure they were

> overwhelming

> > when I was a child, too. I also know that for so many years I

> kept

> > on doing what I was 'supposed' to do, and I could do that

because

> the

> > feelings were surpressed. Now that they are on the surface, I

> cannot

> > go back to that false obedience to what I was taught as a

child.

> I

> > am amazed that I am following my instincts, and respecting my

> > feelings. This is a strange experience, but an encouraging

one.

> I

> > can see now how my respecting my own feelings leads to my being

> able

> > to expect respect from others - and to turn away from people who

> do

> > not want to respect me.

> >

> > However, since dad was in the hospital. Some of the 'nada

voice'

> or

> > negative self talk has returned. It has left me more depressed

> > again. I am just bummed out that this has happened, and more

from

> > having to hear nada's voice on the answering machine than by the

> fact

> > that my dad was hospitalized. But the positive is that I am

> > confident that I will be able to overcome this set back, and get

> back

> > on track toward the growth I had been experiencing.

> >

> > I just want to confirm again that this struggle is hard, and it

> takes

> > as much time as it takes. There are no time lines out there.

But

> it

> > is certainly worth all the effort we have to put into it.

> >

> > Take care everyone,

> >

> > Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Hi Sylvia,

Just wanted to say, I'm glad your Dad is out of the hospital. I

also want to say we all know that you love him dearly. I'm not sure

if you indicated this in particular, but I know in such times we

would all tend to feel like nada's displeasure means we

don't 'properly' love our other family members. Nada's displeasure

at you protecting yourself from her can never negate your sincere

love for your father. It is only FOG, borderline thinking. I know

you would have liked to have been in contact with him more, but

remember that was not YOUR choice. Your father is the one who made

the decision to make any contact you have with him potentially

dangerous and painful to you, bks he is the one who chose to stay

connected to nada without defending you from her. Hope this

affirmation is helpful.

Ch

> >

> > Hello everyone,

> >

> > I wanted to send a brief update. My dad was discharged from the

> > hospital last Friday. I have not talked to him or anyone from

the

> > family. I would really like to talk to him, but I know that

nada

> > will answer the phone, and I don't want to talk to her. It is

> > amazing how strong the emotion is of not wanting to have any

> contact

> > with her. What I think has happened is that I had to suppress

> these

> > feelings for so long, and they were unresolved. Now that they

are

> > surfacing, they are overwhelming. I am sure they were

> overwhelming

> > when I was a child, too. I also know that for so many years I

> kept

> > on doing what I was 'supposed' to do, and I could do that

because

> the

> > feelings were surpressed. Now that they are on the surface, I

> cannot

> > go back to that false obedience to what I was taught as a

child.

> I

> > am amazed that I am following my instincts, and respecting my

> > feelings. This is a strange experience, but an encouraging

one.

> I

> > can see now how my respecting my own feelings leads to my being

> able

> > to expect respect from others - and to turn away from people who

> do

> > not want to respect me.

> >

> > However, since dad was in the hospital. Some of the 'nada

voice'

> or

> > negative self talk has returned. It has left me more depressed

> > again. I am just bummed out that this has happened, and more

from

> > having to hear nada's voice on the answering machine than by the

> fact

> > that my dad was hospitalized. But the positive is that I am

> > confident that I will be able to overcome this set back, and get

> back

> > on track toward the growth I had been experiencing.

> >

> > I just want to confirm again that this struggle is hard, and it

> takes

> > as much time as it takes. There are no time lines out there.

But

> it

> > is certainly worth all the effort we have to put into it.

> >

> > Take care everyone,

> >

> > Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Hi Sylvia,

I'm very familiar with the 'nada voice'; it's the 'dare you to defy me'

memory. You don't have to retreat back to a place where she scares you in

order

to do what you need to do, call your dad ... just be your 'business' self

when you call. Ask very quickly to speak to your dad, repeat as many times as

necessary, 'may I speak to dad'. Sister Hug, CarolC.

In a message dated 4/14/2005 9:00:10 PM Pacific Standard Time,

smhtrain2@... writes:

Hello everyone,

I wanted to send a brief update. My dad was discharged from the

hospital last Friday. I have not talked to him or anyone from the

family. I would really like to talk to him, but I know that nada

will answer the phone, and I don't want to talk to her. It is

amazing how strong the emotion is of not wanting to have any contact

with her. What I think has happened is that I had to suppress these

feelings for so long, and they were unresolved. Now that they are

surfacing, they are overwhelming. I am sure they were overwhelming

when I was a child, too. I also know that for so many years I kept

on doing what I was 'supposed' to do, and I could do that because the

feelings were surpressed. Now that they are on the surface, I cannot

go back to that false obedience to what I was taught as a child. I

am amazed that I am following my instincts, and respecting my

feelings. This is a strange experience, but an encouraging one. I

can see now how my respecting my own feelings leads to my being able

to expect respect from others - and to turn away from people who do

not want to respect me.

However, since dad was in the hospital. Some of the 'nada voice' or

negative self talk has returned. It has left me more depressed

again. I am just bummed out that this has happened, and more from

having to hear nada's voice on the answering machine than by the fact

that my dad was hospitalized. But the positive is that I am

confident that I will be able to overcome this set back, and get back

on track toward the growth I had been experiencing.

I just want to confirm again that this struggle is hard, and it takes

as much time as it takes. There are no time lines out there. But it

is certainly worth all the effort we have to put into it.

Take care everyone,

Sylvia