Guest guest Posted November 18, 2004 Report Share Posted November 18, 2004 You guys, let me know what you think. I can't believe I still am not more assertive! Below is an email I sent my sister. My sister and I talk about our weird nada plenty. Katrina is my 14-year-old daughter. My daughter is considering going to a boarding school 1000 miles away which would happen to be pretty darn close to my sister. She will try out the school for a week in December with a retreat and then for a month in the summer. If she thinks it's what she wants after the 1-month summer visit, she will stay; if not, she will come back home. Here's background in 10 seconds. My dad is 65 and he retired from his job. My nada is angry because he " quit working " and will not get another job. She is too uneducated and " handicapped " to get a decent job with good insurance, etc. She told my dad he could work for $5/hr in a toll booth which is nice and air conditioned (he used to be a mechanic at a chemical plant - heavy and hot work). He told her that sounded like a type of job she could do. Boy did she blow up at that one!! She likes to act like she is too busy every day to work. Yeah, right, doing what? Opening junk mail all day? She has not seen her therapist since July because therpaist and she made a deal that she had to get all paperwork off the floor in the living room before she could come back to see her. Well, she never picked up all that stuff so never went back. I guess that was a test by the therapist to see how interested nada is in changing? What do you guys think? The whole rest of her house is more of a mess than the living room so they started with the easiest one! here is the email to my sister: As usual grandma is just-a askin' for it again. She is still trying to talk to Katrina about her problems with grandpa, etc. Katrina said that grandma used what Father said at Mass this morning against her. Father had said that sometimes when life gets difficult we tend to keep it all to ourselves instead of going to family or friends to help us. Guess what? Grandma says she goes to family (me, you, Katrina) and no one wants to listen. So we ain't listenin' to Father's advice as usual. I can't believe she still apparently thinks Katrina does not tell me what she says? Perhaps it does not matter to her because I do not do anything because I have to pretend I don't know what's going on plus she acts all pretty normal around me. She wants Katrina to spend the night next week and I suppose I oughta tell her Katrina cannot as long as she continues to tell her problems to Katrina. Like she thinks I am going to talk Katrina into staying around here instead of moving away when putting up with that? Theresa ________________________________________________________________ Juno Platinum $9.95. Juno SpeedBand $14.95. Sign up for Juno Today at http://www.juno.com! Look for special offers at Best Buy stores. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 19, 2004 Report Share Posted November 19, 2004 Hi Theresa, It sounds like your nada is still up to her tricks, and the time outs aren't being very effective. You asked what we think - I think the dynamics here are bad, and it doesn't seem like they are changing. I wonder if the time Katrina spends with the horses is worth her being subjected to the emotional abuse from nada. Isn't Katrina being placed in a bad situation with her telling you about nada, but your pretending to nada that you don't know what is going on? I would be concerned that Katrina is going to see her role in adult relationships as the go-between, that she might carry this current dynamic into her future relationships. I got a big chuckle out of your dad suggesting that nada get a job! This is the type of interaction that my nada and father go through. She is always suggesting things HE should be doing, but gets just as upset if someone turns the tables on her. I hope you are able to work this all out, Sylvia > > > You guys, let me know what you think. I can't believe I still am not more assertive! Below is an email I sent my sister. My sister and I talk about our weird nada plenty. Katrina is my 14-year-old daughter. My daughter is considering going to a boarding school 1000 miles away which would happen to be pretty darn close to my sister. She will try out the school for a week in December with a retreat and then for a month in the summer. If she thinks it's what she wants after the 1-month summer visit, she will stay; if not, she will come back home. > > Here's background in 10 seconds. My dad is 65 and he retired from his job. My nada is angry because he " quit working " and will not get another job. She is too uneducated and " handicapped " to get a decent job with good insurance, etc. She told my dad he could work for $5/hr in a toll booth which is nice and air conditioned (he used to be a mechanic at a chemical plant - heavy and hot work). He told her that sounded like a type of job she could do. Boy did she blow up at that one!! She likes to act like she is too busy every day to work. Yeah, right, doing what? Opening junk mail all day? She has not seen her therapist since July because therpaist and she made a deal that she had to get all paperwork off the floor in the living room before she could come back to see her. Well, she never picked up all that stuff so never went back. I guess that was a test by the therapist to see how interested nada is in changing? What do you guys think? The whole rest of her house is more of a mess than the living room so they started with the easiest one! > > > here is the email to my sister: > > As usual grandma is just-a askin' for it again. She is still trying to talk to Katrina about her problems with grandpa, etc. Katrina said that grandma used what Father said at Mass this morning against her. Father had said that sometimes when life gets difficult we tend to keep it all to ourselves instead of going to family or friends to help us. Guess what? Grandma says she goes to family (me, you, Katrina) and no one wants to listen. So we ain't listenin' to Father's advice as usual. I can't believe she still apparently thinks Katrina does not tell me what she says? Perhaps it does not matter to her because I do not do anything because I have to pretend I don't know what's going on plus she acts all pretty normal around me. She wants Katrina to spend the night next week and I suppose I oughta tell her Katrina cannot as long as she continues to tell her problems to Katrina. Like she thinks I am going to talk Katrina into staying around here instead of moving away when putting up with that? > > Theresa > > ________________________________________________________________ > Juno Platinum $9.95. Juno SpeedBand $14.95. > Sign up for Juno Today at http://www.juno.com! > Look for special offers at Best Buy stores. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 19, 2004 Report Share Posted November 19, 2004 Hi Theresa, It sounds like your nada is still up to her tricks, and the time outs aren't being very effective. You asked what we think - I think the dynamics here are bad, and it doesn't seem like they are changing. I wonder if the time Katrina spends with the horses is worth her being subjected to the emotional abuse from nada. Isn't Katrina being placed in a bad situation with her telling you about nada, but your pretending to nada that you don't know what is going on? I would be concerned that Katrina is going to see her role in adult relationships as the go-between, that she might carry this current dynamic into her future relationships. I got a big chuckle out of your dad suggesting that nada get a job! This is the type of interaction that my nada and father go through. She is always suggesting things HE should be doing, but gets just as upset if someone turns the tables on her. I hope you are able to work this all out, Sylvia > > > You guys, let me know what you think. I can't believe I still am not more assertive! Below is an email I sent my sister. My sister and I talk about our weird nada plenty. Katrina is my 14-year-old daughter. My daughter is considering going to a boarding school 1000 miles away which would happen to be pretty darn close to my sister. She will try out the school for a week in December with a retreat and then for a month in the summer. If she thinks it's what she wants after the 1-month summer visit, she will stay; if not, she will come back home. > > Here's background in 10 seconds. My dad is 65 and he retired from his job. My nada is angry because he " quit working " and will not get another job. She is too uneducated and " handicapped " to get a decent job with good insurance, etc. She told my dad he could work for $5/hr in a toll booth which is nice and air conditioned (he used to be a mechanic at a chemical plant - heavy and hot work). He told her that sounded like a type of job she could do. Boy did she blow up at that one!! She likes to act like she is too busy every day to work. Yeah, right, doing what? Opening junk mail all day? She has not seen her therapist since July because therpaist and she made a deal that she had to get all paperwork off the floor in the living room before she could come back to see her. Well, she never picked up all that stuff so never went back. I guess that was a test by the therapist to see how interested nada is in changing? What do you guys think? The whole rest of her house is more of a mess than the living room so they started with the easiest one! > > > here is the email to my sister: > > As usual grandma is just-a askin' for it again. She is still trying to talk to Katrina about her problems with grandpa, etc. Katrina said that grandma used what Father said at Mass this morning against her. Father had said that sometimes when life gets difficult we tend to keep it all to ourselves instead of going to family or friends to help us. Guess what? Grandma says she goes to family (me, you, Katrina) and no one wants to listen. So we ain't listenin' to Father's advice as usual. I can't believe she still apparently thinks Katrina does not tell me what she says? Perhaps it does not matter to her because I do not do anything because I have to pretend I don't know what's going on plus she acts all pretty normal around me. She wants Katrina to spend the night next week and I suppose I oughta tell her Katrina cannot as long as she continues to tell her problems to Katrina. Like she thinks I am going to talk Katrina into staying around here instead of moving away when putting up with that? > > Theresa > > ________________________________________________________________ > Juno Platinum $9.95. Juno SpeedBand $14.95. > Sign up for Juno Today at http://www.juno.com! > Look for special offers at Best Buy stores. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 19, 2004 Report Share Posted November 19, 2004 Hi Theresa, It sounds like your nada is still up to her tricks, and the time outs aren't being very effective. You asked what we think - I think the dynamics here are bad, and it doesn't seem like they are changing. I wonder if the time Katrina spends with the horses is worth her being subjected to the emotional abuse from nada. Isn't Katrina being placed in a bad situation with her telling you about nada, but your pretending to nada that you don't know what is going on? I would be concerned that Katrina is going to see her role in adult relationships as the go-between, that she might carry this current dynamic into her future relationships. I got a big chuckle out of your dad suggesting that nada get a job! This is the type of interaction that my nada and father go through. She is always suggesting things HE should be doing, but gets just as upset if someone turns the tables on her. I hope you are able to work this all out, Sylvia > > > You guys, let me know what you think. I can't believe I still am not more assertive! Below is an email I sent my sister. My sister and I talk about our weird nada plenty. Katrina is my 14-year-old daughter. My daughter is considering going to a boarding school 1000 miles away which would happen to be pretty darn close to my sister. She will try out the school for a week in December with a retreat and then for a month in the summer. If she thinks it's what she wants after the 1-month summer visit, she will stay; if not, she will come back home. > > Here's background in 10 seconds. My dad is 65 and he retired from his job. My nada is angry because he " quit working " and will not get another job. She is too uneducated and " handicapped " to get a decent job with good insurance, etc. She told my dad he could work for $5/hr in a toll booth which is nice and air conditioned (he used to be a mechanic at a chemical plant - heavy and hot work). He told her that sounded like a type of job she could do. Boy did she blow up at that one!! She likes to act like she is too busy every day to work. Yeah, right, doing what? Opening junk mail all day? She has not seen her therapist since July because therpaist and she made a deal that she had to get all paperwork off the floor in the living room before she could come back to see her. Well, she never picked up all that stuff so never went back. I guess that was a test by the therapist to see how interested nada is in changing? What do you guys think? The whole rest of her house is more of a mess than the living room so they started with the easiest one! > > > here is the email to my sister: > > As usual grandma is just-a askin' for it again. She is still trying to talk to Katrina about her problems with grandpa, etc. Katrina said that grandma used what Father said at Mass this morning against her. Father had said that sometimes when life gets difficult we tend to keep it all to ourselves instead of going to family or friends to help us. Guess what? Grandma says she goes to family (me, you, Katrina) and no one wants to listen. So we ain't listenin' to Father's advice as usual. I can't believe she still apparently thinks Katrina does not tell me what she says? Perhaps it does not matter to her because I do not do anything because I have to pretend I don't know what's going on plus she acts all pretty normal around me. She wants Katrina to spend the night next week and I suppose I oughta tell her Katrina cannot as long as she continues to tell her problems to Katrina. Like she thinks I am going to talk Katrina into staying around here instead of moving away when putting up with that? > > Theresa > > ________________________________________________________________ > Juno Platinum $9.95. Juno SpeedBand $14.95. > Sign up for Juno Today at http://www.juno.com! > Look for special offers at Best Buy stores. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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