Re: Help! What do I say?

[Guest guest]

weary_daughter wrote:

> ... I'm reading " Stop Walking on Eggshells "

> right now...is this one of those " tag, you're it " things?

Hi Weary,

The " tag, you're it " things are about *projection* where nada dumps HER

shxt on the KO. The parts of SWOE that are applicable to KOs are

chapters 1-4 which are about " Understanding BPD Behavior " and chapters

5-7 which are about " Taking Back Control of Your Life " . Also, chapter 11

which is about *distortion campaigns*.

In chapters 1-4 you'll learn to recognize the various (ego/self) defense

mechanisms that are used by BPs. A KO needs to be able to tell when a

nada is using projection, denial, rationalization, and splitting. A KO

also needs to know about dissociation, nada's lack of empathy, etc etc

etc. KOs are in an 'unchosen' relationship with their nada/fada. We

didn't ask to have a parent with a terrible personality disorder that's

bent on destroying our self-esteem, sanity, and future.

> Any of you

> have any suggestions? I am trying to be aware of her fear of

> rejection and avoid hurting her if possible.

Fxck her fear of rejection. Let her rage and then walk out on her. By

trying to " avoid hurting her " you've been forced to walk on eggshells

all your life.

> I also just don't want

> to deal with the ensuing guilt trip about how I've hurt her deeply,

> etc.

You don't have to listen to her. What's coming out of her mouth is the

mental illness speaking. She's the one who FOGGED you when you were a

little child - ie, CONTROLLED you by using Fear, Obligation, and Guilt -

and now its time to pull those emotional 'hooks' out. Its not easy but,

like that ad goes, life sure goes better without a nada.

My .05,

- Edith

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I know I didn't ask for the help but thanks anyway, Edith, it's easy

to read a book but to try to incorporate it when the FOG is holding

you back is really hard. It helps to get clarification from people

who actually have to do this.

cntbreathe

>

> > ... I'm reading " Stop Walking on Eggshells "

> > right now...is this one of those " tag, you're it " things?

>

> Hi Weary,

>

> The " tag, you're it " things are about *projection* where nada dumps

HER

> shxt on the KO. The parts of SWOE that are applicable to KOs are

> chapters 1-4 which are about " Understanding BPD Behavior " and

chapters

> 5-7 which are about " Taking Back Control of Your Life " . Also,

chapter 11

> which is about *distortion campaigns*.

>

> In chapters 1-4 you'll learn to recognize the various (ego/self)

defense

> mechanisms that are used by BPs. A KO needs to be able to tell when

a

> nada is using projection, denial, rationalization, and splitting. A

KO

> also needs to know about dissociation, nada's lack of empathy, etc

etc

> etc. KOs are in an 'unchosen' relationship with their nada/fada. We

> didn't ask to have a parent with a terrible personality disorder

that's

> bent on destroying our self-esteem, sanity, and future.

>

> > Any of you

> > have any suggestions? I am trying to be aware of her fear of

> > rejection and avoid hurting her if possible.

>

> Fxck her fear of rejection. Let her rage and then walk out on her.

By

> trying to " avoid hurting her " you've been forced to walk on

eggshells

> all your life.

>

> > I also just don't want

> > to deal with the ensuing guilt trip about how I've hurt her

deeply,

> > etc.

>

> You don't have to listen to her. What's coming out of her mouth is

the

> mental illness speaking. She's the one who FOGGED you when you were

a

> little child - ie, CONTROLLED you by using Fear, Obligation, and

Guilt -

> and now its time to pull those emotional 'hooks' out. Its not easy

but,

> like that ad goes, life sure goes better without a nada.

>

> My .05,

>

> - Edith