Re: Re: kids calling nada mom

[Guest guest]

C,

You think killing a dog is insane to feed the insanity, hear this. My

nada is a registered nurse and when she realized my boundaries were not going

to move she started dropping her parenting " hints " . She tried to talk me

into drugging my infant and baby daughter with stuff like adult benadryl to put

her to sleep or for anything!!!!! Luckily I had just seen a show about a few

babies in my state that DIED because they were given small doses of benadryl

over a period of time by care givers and bad day cares. I saw about how that

stuff reacts to babys systems and how dangerous it can be.

I find it impossible for my mother as a Registered Nurse to not know

that already. Not to mention I dont recall HER ever giving it to any babies. I

seriously wonder if she was trying to set me up to kill my child so she could

validate her tales of what a rotten, unstable and cold person I am !

She even tried to guilt me into thinking I was a bad mother if I did not

drug my daughter. But I did not budge not matter how hard she tried to make

me feel like I was the stupid one because I had the truth on my side!

But I think this goes to show you just cant trust a nada no matter how

high functioning or educated. I think those ones are the scariest!

[Guest guest]

sexystarshine79@... wrote:

> ... My

> nada is a registered nurse

There are lots of BPs in the helping professions -- doctors, nurses,

therapists, teachers (in administration, their highest level of

incompetence), etc etc etc. When they put on the uniform then they feel

good about their tiny and/or fragmented self.

Nadas also like to give their KOs fav toys, dolls, whatever to other

kids -- again to make the nada feel good about HERself. Its ALWAYS jsut

about nada!

- Edith

[Guest guest]

You are so correct on that. My mother loves going on about her tales of

holding people while they die and all the poor patients she helps and sopping

up

the attention for being such a Mother Theresa. My younger sister was eight

and fell and broke both my arms , my nada actually told her to stop crying and

whyining. My step father had to FORCE her to take Tori to the doctor to get

her arms X rayed and put in cast. My step father mused over the irony that

someone who is so PROUD of being a nurse and brags about helping strangers all

day would just let her own child sit around and suffer with two broken arms.

But it isnt really about the patients is it? Its about the recognition for

being in a noble position and feeling better about themselves.

My grandmother left my nada a piano and I loved it. I never took lessons

but I played on it what I could when I could . It was important to me. After

my mother remarried and moved to a new town to start a new life she wanted to

impress everyone with what a great and generous person she was by giving that

piano away to someone else that always wanted one!

I was so upset when I found out. I didnt even know until my mother was

going on about all her goodness and light, all her good deeds and mentioned

it. I was like, " You gave away what ?!!! "

She did not give a damn that it was something, the only thing the witch

had , that I wanted. She didnt care that giving it to a stranger hurt me.

What mattered to her was how good it felt to her to have people think she was a

great , giving person!

She even now said it wasnt my grandmothers at all. B.S. She changes

reality to fit what mood she is in but I remember well. My grandmother had it

in

storage or in the old house. When we moved to Louisiana my nada told me it had

belonged to grandmother and since it was so old it really needed to be tuned

( boy did it ever! ) I remember that. But she had to LIE and say it was

something she had bought because giving away an family heirloom doesnt look so

noble! And even if was not my grandmothers and she lied when she said it was ,

well thats nuts too! Either way she hurts people with her lies.

Thinking about the things she does , it makes me want to see her SUFFER.

I know thats wrong but Ive hidden my rage and hate I feel for her for so long

and turned in on myself for so many years it is almost liberating to loathe

her. I dont want to see her die, I want to see her suffer. But I wonder if

they are even capable of true suffering because they enjoy suffering! they

enjoy being a victim, the are happiest when they are suffering because they

equate sympathy with acceptance.

Maybe they are so in love with suffering they are incaple of true

suffering ? Maybe thats why they make others suffer so much , because they dont

know

how bad it really feels for those not in love with misery?

In a message dated 7/29/2004 3:18:31 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

psyprof@... writes:

There are lots of BPs in the helping professions -- doctors, nurses,

therapists, teachers (in administration, their highest level of

incompetence), etc etc etc. When they put on the uniform then they feel

good about their tiny and/or fragmented self.

Nadas also like to give their KOs fav toys, dolls, whatever to other

kids -- again to make the nada feel good about HERself. Its ALWAYS jsut

about nada!

- Edith

[Guest guest]

I have to admit that my nada wasn't as awful as yours, Edith, but she took

us to a dentist every 6 months and told him " no novocaine " ..My God, I can

remember crying before I got there..(my brother testified to that too) The

dentist would say to raise our hand if it hurt while he was drilling..OUCH!!!

I was 30 before I decided I better go again!!! Thank God my teeth were in

pretty good shape after all those years..a few root canals and I was fine...

I love novocaine now..LOL

Nada also would not let me take piano lessons..but all of my siblings took

musical lessons. My sister, whom I love, and am close to, got to take a year of

piano lessons and wouldn't know middle C if it hit her in the face! Me, on

the other hand, learned a lot from my father, as he plays wonderfully..I just

know I would have played like a pro if I had the chance.

One day, it is my passion to take lessons and learn how to play a piece the

way it it written. I play good by ear, which Nada always brags about, but to

read music properly would make my day! ONE DAY!! Oh, my Sister, has OCD so

very bad..she tries to keep her house just like our nada! Poor thing!! LOL

She's a wonderful " people pleaser " ..

Anyway, that's my story, and I'm stickin to it!!! Have a wonderful evening!

Jeanette(someone who doesn't post too much, but watches daily)

[Guest guest]

sexystarshine79@... wrote:

> ... My step father mused over the irony that

> someone who is so PROUD of being a nurse and brags about helping strangers

all

> day would just let her own child sit around and suffer with two broken arms.

> But it isnt really about the patients is it? Its about the recognition for

> being in a noble position and feeling better about themselves.

Exactly.

> My grandmother left my nada a piano and I loved it. I never took lessons

> but I played on it what I could when I could . It was important to me. After

> my mother remarried and moved to a new town to start a new life she wanted to

> impress everyone with what a great and generous person she was by giving that

> piano away to someone else that always wanted one!

Yup, that's a nada. She lacked boundaries and it made her feel good

about HERSELF to do that.

> I was so upset when I found out. I didnt even know until my mother was

> going on about all her goodness and light, all her good deeds and mentioned

> it. I was like, " You gave away what ?!!! "

> She did not give a damn that it was something, the only thing the witch

> had , that I wanted. She didnt care that giving it to a stranger hurt me.

> What mattered to her was how good it felt to her to have people think she was

a

> great , giving person!

Yup, she lacked empathy re your feelings and she told everyone what a

nice thing SHE did. It was all about HER.

> She even now said it wasnt my grandmothers at all. B.S. She changes

> reality to fit what mood she is in but I remember well.

Yes, their lies are called rationalization. The defense mechanisms used

automatically (unthinkingly) by BPs are:

(1) projection (ie, ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!),

(2) denial (ie, IT DIDN'T HAPPEN THAT WAY!),

(3) rationalization (ie, telling lies and re-writing history), and

(4) splitting.

This stuff is in ch 3 of SWOE.

At the end of that chapter is a section titled " A Childlike World View " .

Its about how one's nada acts/behaves reflects their *emotional*

developmental level - ie, where it stopped in childhood. My nada, for

example, was an emotional 2 yo in a full-sized adult body, with all the

rights and privileges normally awarded to adults. My nada's fav game was

" If you want it, you can't have it. " So, we never got anything we

wanted, and our basic needs were neglected (ie, medical, dental,

cleanliness, clothing, food, shelter, etc). My sister needed glasses but

couldn't have them until she was in high school! The first time I saw a

dentist I was in my teen years and by then the teeth he pulled were

beyond saving. When I got rheumatic fever when I was 16 yo, she took me

to a doctor only because she thought I was pregnant! Or, as you'd say,

" My Aunt Flow stopped. " But by that time one of my heart valves was

already premanently damaged.

I walked out of their house the day I turned 18. She'd always threatened

to have us thrown in jail if we left one day early. And, from Michigan I

headed west as far as I could go without falling in the ocean and I've

lived here in So California ever since. I took my kids back to see their

g'ma when they were 4 and 6 yo, and we weren't in the house for 3 hours

before she started raging so I gathered them up and headed out the door.

<sigh>

- Edith