Re: Welcome Newpath

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Barbtremon,

I have continued to have hope. I have already approached her to

recommend specific treatment and occasionally in our " talks " (where

I try to use DEAR model), she does say she would be willing to get

help but always turns defensive. I know she is likely scared.

I am interested to learn more about boundary setting as well as

whether or not families ever use intervention/confrontation

approaches to treatment despite the difficulty intrinsic to this

disorder and therapies to deal with it.

Any further /reading/thoughts/suggestions from you and other members

of ModOasis are much appreciated.

-Jim

> > I'm glad I found this board today and see from many of your

posts

> > that this is a supportive place. I have just " discovered " BPD as

a

> > result of reading most of Levitan's book on DBT (dialetical

> behavior

> > therapy) while helping my wife study for her grad social work

> > degree. I have to admit that I'm thrilled to be ready and

willing

> to

> > jump in here with my question, in the hope of connecting with

> others

> > like myself and getting some help.

> >

> > I'm a 40-yr-old nonBP son of a 74-yr-old BP mom, who the other

> night

> > took the wind out of my sails for the thousandth and first time

> > (yes, I still get taken in by her manipulation), by refusing an

> > invitation to visit my family and her only grandchildren on

> Mother's

> > Day because " I know when I'm not wanted. " You see, I wouldn't

> change

> > plans we have on May 8, the day she wanted to arrive. This is a

> mild

> > instance, typical of our encounters now, but they were much

worse

> > growing up and included threats of suicide, attempted (failed)

> > stabbings of my unresponsive, emotionally absent father during

her

> > rages, attempts to throw herself from moving cars ... you can

> > imagine the horror for a kid.

> >

> > Getting to my point, I am increasingly worried about my 2

> daughters'

> > future exposure to my mother and need some advice as to whether

and

> > how to get her some help (what approach?). She is currently in

> > therapy and on meds (as a result of a prior boundary I set) but

I

> > don't know details about the types of either one. I don't want

to

> > have to shut her out of my life if I don't have to and have

offered

> > to help her get appropriate treatment (eg, DBT) but she is very

> > defensive. I have always been hopeful (naively?) that her

behavior

> > could be stabilized and that we could have a better

relationship.

> > The question now is, how can I direct her to get help?

> >

> > I live in NYC and my mom lives in the Baltimore-Washington area,

if

> > that helps in terms of resources.

> >

> > Looking forward to learning from you,

> >

> > Newpath