Guest guest Posted October 25, 2004 Report Share Posted October 25, 2004 > Actually years ago I suggested this to hubby when I was first working on boundaries. He is NOT bp, so he kinda got the point- treat me at LEAST as polite as you would a stranger that you'd be polite to. I guess nada would have to find some kind of problem with any move we make, though. I was really thinking of Kim's inlaws and hubby when I posted it! - J > I still think treating someone like a client or in a " business-like " way is a great alternative to being confrontational. I've been doing a lot of thinking since my last post as to way my mother gets so furious with me when I treat her " business-like " . I will not speak to my mother unless there is someone else around who can at least hear my end of the conversation. Since my mother tends to insist I've said things that I have not, I keep this as one of my boundaries....I can always ask the person who's been listening to my end of the conversation to confirm/deny at least what I did say. So...to make a long story short, I asked my family tonight how I actually sound when I treat my mother " business-like " . They tell me that I am not rude or disrespectful but that I am firm and totally emotionless...as though I'm talking to a stranger. I guess hearing that made a light-bulb go off. If I sound emotionless when I'm talking to her, while I think I'm treating her with respect for not being confrontational...what she must " hear " is that I've emotionally abandoned her which therefore only works to reinforce her greatest fear. She constantly tells me that " A mother can disown a child, but a child can NEVER disown a mother. " I fail to see her one-sided logic in that but at least maybe I can better understand why she reacts so furiously with me when I think I'm being respectful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 28, 2004 Report Share Posted October 28, 2004 good luck nadine! did it work? curious. __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 28, 2004 Report Share Posted October 28, 2004 good luck nadine! did it work? curious. __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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