Re: happy=anxiety attack?!

[Guest guest]

Whenever I tell my nada something happy that's happened in my life, I

am aware that she is thinking " must be nice. " I am also aware that if

I complain about the day to day things, she is thinking, " What do you

have to complain about? Now I have it tough... " She usually changes

the subject onto herself either way.

> Have you guys considered the idea that nada used to quash your

happy self, happiness and peace might have threatened her, thus

internally your happy feelings trigger anxiety.- Jana (trying to

deprogram the buttons)

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Whenever I tell my nada something happy that's happened in my life, I

am aware that she is thinking " must be nice. " I am also aware that if

I complain about the day to day things, she is thinking, " What do you

have to complain about? Now I have it tough... " She usually changes

the subject onto herself either way.

> Have you guys considered the idea that nada used to quash your

happy self, happiness and peace might have threatened her, thus

internally your happy feelings trigger anxiety.- Jana (trying to

deprogram the buttons)

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Whenever I tell my nada something happy that's happened in my life, I

am aware that she is thinking " must be nice. " I am also aware that if

I complain about the day to day things, she is thinking, " What do you

have to complain about? Now I have it tough... " She usually changes

the subject onto herself either way.

> Have you guys considered the idea that nada used to quash your

happy self, happiness and peace might have threatened her, thus

internally your happy feelings trigger anxiety.- Jana (trying to

deprogram the buttons)

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

I always thought mine was much more devious than that. If I told her anything

she'd store it up and twist it for later use against me.-jana

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I always thought mine was much more devious than that. If I told her anything

she'd store it up and twist it for later use against me.-jana

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi Jana,

I've been off line for a few days, and am going through the

messages. This one really hits close to home for me. I attribute

much of my anxiety to this. For me, I believe my nada couldn't

handle her own happy feelings, and so as she was 'discharging' her

anxiety (sarcastic phrase for raging!), she created the same anxiety

in both me and my sister. I have a long history in therapy of

unraveling all the many ways my nada taught me that happiness and

enjoyment were wrong, selfish, sinful, etc.

Hope all is going well with you,

Sylvia

> Have you guys considered the idea that nada used to quash your

happy self, happiness and peace might have threatened her, thus

internally your happy feelings trigger anxiety.- Jana (trying to

deprogram the buttons)

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

FWIW - My 'set point' for happiness has increased. It increased

immediately when I left the parental home at 21. However, through

out my life (I'm 59 now), it has increased. There were a few times

when it regressed, and definitely times when it just leveled off,

unfortunately for me, for years. However, through all that time, I

didn't know about BPD, and I had never connected to the painful

childhood feelings that were so affecting my life.

Connecting with those feelings (and I am still doing that) was very

painful. But as an adult, I did have some control over the process.

Identifying, recognizing, accepting those feelings has been a great

part of my being able to enjoy my happiness. I hope something

similar will occur for you (and much quicker, too!)

Take care.

>

> .................>

> That reminds me - I read an article that bothered me the other day.

> It said that people have a basic " set point " for happiness in their

> lives, that no matter what happens to them they will return to this

> basic level of happiness. I'm bothered by this, because I feel like

> my set point is very low. I struggle daily to overcome very

negative

> self-talk, I have high anxiety, I worry too much, I feel

overwhelmed

> by my own burdens. Some days I do OK. But I feel like I always

return

> to just treading water in my life, and those negative thoughts are

> always creeping in, and the anxiety always comes back. I really

want

> to find my own sense of contentment, but I wonder if I ever will.

>

> Today, that hill I'm trying to climb seems like a mountain.

>

>

>......

[Guest guest]

Yes, oh yes. This happens to me. I feel bad about acting human

instead of being perfect in all situations. I am working on getting

over this.

Sylvia

> > > Have you guys considered the idea that nada used to quash your

> > happy self, happiness and peace might have threatened her, thus

> > internally your happy feelings trigger anxiety.- Jana (trying to

> > deprogram the buttons)

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > __________________________________________________

> > >

[Guest guest]

Yes, oh yes. This happens to me. I feel bad about acting human

instead of being perfect in all situations. I am working on getting

over this.

Sylvia

> > > Have you guys considered the idea that nada used to quash your

> > happy self, happiness and peace might have threatened her, thus

> > internally your happy feelings trigger anxiety.- Jana (trying to

> > deprogram the buttons)

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > __________________________________________________

> > >

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing, Sylvia - it irks me when I read articles that say

we can't do much about certain things in our lives, but this one in

particular bothered me. I still feel like I'm taking two steps

forward, then one (or two) steps back. Some days, especially when I'm

feeling blue, I just wonder if I'm getting anywhere, although I have

to believe that I am (despite articles like that one). It sure helps

to know others who have made progress, especially other KOs.

Thanks,

> >

> > .................>

> > That reminds me - I read an article that bothered me the other day.

> > It said that people have a basic " set point " for happiness in their

> > lives, that no matter what happens to them they will return to this

> > basic level of happiness. I'm bothered by this, because I feel like

> > my set point is very low. I struggle daily to overcome very

> negative

> > self-talk, I have high anxiety, I worry too much, I feel

> overwhelmed

> > by my own burdens. Some days I do OK. But I feel like I always

> return

> > to just treading water in my life, and those negative thoughts are

> > always creeping in, and the anxiety always comes back. I really

> want

> > to find my own sense of contentment, but I wonder if I ever will.

> >

> > Today, that hill I'm trying to climb seems like a mountain.

> >

> >

> >......

[Guest guest]

Yep, me too. All the time. Snuck up on me this morning, wrote a

post to fast and didn't check 1000 times for rudeness. I have so

much more brain space and time in the day when I'm not being

hypervigilant.

> > > > Have you guys considered the idea that nada used to quash

your

> > > happy self, happiness and peace might have threatened her, thus

> > > internally your happy feelings trigger anxiety.- Jana (trying

to

> > > deprogram the buttons)

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > __________________________________________________

> > > >