long intro

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone, thought I'd take a few minutes to introduce myself, I am also on

the bpsibling list but find this may be a better place for me as I discover more

about the situation, so if you're on the sib list you may want to skip this!

I'm a 48 yo female who has been covering up for my dysfunctional family my

whole life. Dad seemed to keep control of my mother and brother (67 and

36), but he passed away 2 and a half yrs ago, and since then my foo has

gone totally out of control. My mother has been a pill popper and a waif/

hermit most of her life. During my teen years she did many inappropriate

things, mostly sexual, involving me in one crisis after another, and totally

screwing up my self-esteem and my logical thought processes. There have

been numerous suicide threats, she abandoned us to have her fun, then

came home and still likes to reminisce about it 32 yrs later. She has always

been the poor victim, trapped in horrible circumstances, and no one

understands her pain. (In her opinion only!) She is also incredibly negative

and has no friends.

My brother is also bpd, he has been supported by my parents off and on his

whole life, he never finished anything he started except truck driving school.

He has been unemployed about 3-4 yrs, and last yr he stole $4000-6000 from

my mother's credit card. I always had a distant, cordial relationship to him

until my mother asked me to speak to him about getting a job, moving out of

her house, and paying her back what he stole. That was in March, and it's

been hell since then.

He finally went back on the truck 3 weeks ago, after cussing me out royally for

butting into his life, and threatening to call the cops and get a restraining

order

if I EVER contacted him again.

Since he's been gone, he has has 2 crises already. First of all he kept

relaying messages through my mother that he said hello, which I kept telling

her was weird since he threatened me with the cops. Then Saturday my

mother said he asked me to call him. I said no way, he's threatened me with

the cops, maybe I'll talk to him when he comes through again.

Sunday, he called my house, and left a message that he loves me and misses

me, and for me to please call him. Well I''m tired of being stupid about this,

so

I ignored the phone call. The next morning my mother started in again on

how I should just forgive him and make up, that this is really killing him for

me

to not speak to him, and that he'd probably be in town that day, would I see

him? I once again said I hadn't made up my mind yet.

An hour later I get a frantic phone call; he's in the hospital, they found him

on

the side of the road several miles from his truck, unconscious and covered in

ant bites. They took him to the hospital and sedated him because he became

incoherent and unruly. My mother seemed to think he did something drastic

to himself because I didn't call him back. But knowing my brother, this was

just another twisted cry for attention. (Turns out he was dehydrated, but most

of his story doesn't add up, as usual.) He also told mom he'd checked himself

out of the hospital against dr's orders... another gross exaggeration, I

suspect.

My mother wanted to know why I forgave my father for his terrible temper

toward her, yet I couldn't forgive my brother. This infuriated me, because my

father stood by this crazy family his whole life, and she thinks she's the

helpless victim of his temper. Personally I don't know why my dad didn't walk

out on her years ago. What she doesn't see is that I also forgave her for the

horrible mother she has always been, and the sick example she has always

set for me.

I finally set boundaries for the first time, and told her I didn't know if I

would

speak to my brother again, that I knew exactly how she felt, but I would have

to make the decision to see him on my own, and that if I decided not to talk to

him, I realized that they would think I was a selfish b***h, but that I would

have

to live with that.

She started crying and said that neither one of us was thinking about her, we

were both being selfish and thinking of ourselves, and that this was tearing

her apart. My blood felt like ice water, but I was calm. I said I was sorry

she

felt that way, that I understood how this hurt her, but that I had slapped a

smile

on my face and acted like everything was fine my whole life when it wasn't,

and that for once i was being honest and doing what I felt was right, and

wasn't going to pretend everything was ok.

First I got silence. Then she said Well I guess there's nothing left to say,

and

hung up on me.

I know logically that this isn't over by a long shot, that they will now band

together and gang up on me. I am trying to prepare for the next onslaught,

hoping that they decide to move away and leave me alone, but fat chance of

that happening! She lives a mile down the road, and I'm the only family either

of them has that gives a rat's butt about them anymore. This has been

devastating to me.... in the past 4 months I have discovered so much about

how dysfunctional this family has been, I thought this stuff was normal most of

my life! I'm now trying to come to grips with the fact that I may have to cut

myself off from both of them, and it's so hard. Our lives have been so tangled

together for so long.

I have really enjoyed reading everyone's posts, we all have the same sick

situation and that blows my mind!

By the way, I am also in the helping professions. I was a sp ed teacher for 12

yrs, and now I teach art. We just want to rescue the world, don't we?

Thanks for listening.

Gail