Re: anyone else not go to FOO Easter?

[Guest guest]

>

> The Easter cards to my children.... and nothing for me(on

Christmas,

> on Valentines Day, and now on Easter). It is all just a guilt

thing.

> And in my oldest child's card, grandnada drew a sad crying face,

> saying " call your old granny " .... Is it OK to just throw this

> garbage away????? And, cntbreathe, you are right- a 'twist of the

> knife' is what it is. Nada is saying " I will not communicate with

> you, you are not good enough, but let me talk to me sweet angel

> grandchildren... they know I am a good granny. "

*****Sure, it is okay to throw them away. Have you established no

contact with your nada, or is this just a current situation that

might change? While I think it is very appropriate to not give the

children the cards, I also think your children need to have an age

appropriate understanding of what is happening. You don't want them

to grow up and then find out that you 'were keeping things from

them'.

>

> Kind of reminds me of Hansel and Gretel- grandnada is luring them

> into a candy house.. then she will gobble them up!! (Oooo... thats

a

> scary thought)

*****Yes....and unfortunately it does seem to fit the situation.

>

> Nada will not call here, thank goodness. It has been Christmas eve

> since there was contact- and I like it. And like so many of you, I

> always feel like I am waiting for 'the other shoe' to drop. I told

> my hubby I was feeling this overwhelming sense of doom... he said -

> you are just anticipating what she might do next. He is right I

> think.

>

> I did not call her on Easter, nor did I send a card. But we ALLL

> know what is just around the corner....... MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!

> We should probably all start kicking around what we are planning

for

> that day.

>

> Thanks for all being there- I read a lot more than I post. I am

kind

> of an introvert...

> KC

*****I have been told that message boards are populated more by

introverts than extroverts. It gives us introverts time to think and

compose what we want to 'say' before doing so.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Theresa,

It's really sad when you think about it, it's like preying on someone

younger and more innocent when they try to pull in the children. And

I guess they don't realize that they are hurting them too. My

daughter gets hurt because she loves me and doesn't like seeing me

hurt. I know for me the distance really helps. The contact is very

difficult.

cntbreathe

> Yes, yes!! That's what my nada does. Just last week nada told my

> daughter, " I will be here for whenever you need me " right after

> making comments that nada thought I had made fun of my daughter

> wanting to play with toy horses the week before. I was not making

fun

> and daughter knew I was not. Daughter is 14 so some people think

it's

> weird for her to want to play with toy horses but I think it's cute

> and nifty. Somehow nada thought I was making fun of her when I

asked

> her if she was going to open the new package of horses she got to

play

> with them. So, of course, nada tells daughter that nada will be

> there for daughter whenever she needs her (of course - for things

like

> when I reject my own daughter by making fun of her -NOT!) That

would

> be such a nada dream come true. I think the same thing about cards

> as you do. I am now allergic to cards; can't stand to look at them

or

> have to send them to anyone. It's all guilt trips and " you should

> do this for family " stuff. Gag!

>

> Theresa

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sylvia,

This does bother me. I think you're absolutely right. I really feel

I have to give them the cards because I don't want my daughter to

think I'm keeping them from her and I guess as I've learned already,

she has a pretty good fix on Nada anyway, so I should just be honest

with her.

cntbreathe

> *****Sure, it is okay to throw them away. Have you established no

> contact with your nada, or is this just a current situation that

> might change? While I think it is very appropriate to not give the

> children the cards, I also think your children need to have an age

> appropriate understanding of what is happening. You don't want them

> to grow up and then find out that you 'were keeping things from

> them'.

[Guest guest]

<< Kind of reminds me of Hansel and Gretel- grandnada is luring them

into a candy house.. then she will gobble them up!! (Oooo... thats a

scary thought) >>

Even when I was a kid I knew how Hansel felt in the cage, and I was

fully aware of being in the same situation.

As to Easter - when was it? Is it over?

I had a good talk with my brother. He visited Nada recently and

helped her and Fada set up a new computer. Whenever he had a

problem, Nada (watching over his shoulder) said " It doesn't matter,

we don't use that feature anyway. Don't waste your time " . Fada

would say, " Yes, we do use that " . Finally my brother sent Nada out

of the room, talking to her like a 3-year old. When she came back a

half hour later, she was in good spirits and didn't hold it against

him. Of course, he had to keep doing this, once wasn't enough.

I don't think that method would work for me. I believe that Nada

has always treated me differently than anyone else, and would never

accept my sending her out. My brother disagreed. He said that

whenever Nada had him alone, when he was a child, it was the same

nightmare that I lived through. The difference is that she got to

have me alone for my first 4 years. By that time BIID (body

integrity identity disorder) was thoroughly established. I saw my

leg like Hansel's chicken bone. If I could separate myself from it,

she could gnaw on it while I made my escape.

I won't try my brother's method with Nada unless I feel I am so

strong I am bullet-proof. I have a long way to go before that. As

it stands now I am willing to see her in a public place, outside her

lair, but she is unwilling to see me under those circumstances. I

will probably never see her again.

- Dan

[Guest guest]

Hello Dan,

Tell me more about BIID. My sister has BDD, body dysmorphic disorder, where she

believes that she is terribly ugly or distorted and is a monster.

Is that similar to your disorder?

Ymad

[Guest guest]

<< Tell me more about BIID. My sister has BDD, body dysmorphic

disorder, where she believes that she is terribly ugly or distorted

and is a monster. Is that similar to your disorder? >>

No. That is one of the few things that is known about BIID. It is a

wish or compulsion to become an amputee or otherwise disabled. People

with BIID do not think there is anything wrong with their body as it

is. They just want to be rid of part of it to match their self-

perception of how they should be. I believe that most BIID sufferers,

but not all, had mothers with BPD, although there is no formal

research on that yet. You can learn more at www.biid.org.

- Dan