Re: Appropriateness to this list

[Guest guest]

Hi Rustianimal,

>

>

> Hi,

>

> I am separated from my wife (suspected BP) who has filed divorce

proceedings that have

> resulted in my being thrown out of my home and separated from my 5

children. I know my

> own children (currently 18, 16, 16 14 & 12) are really struggling

emotionally with their

> Nada's behaviour in my absence. I want to point them in the

direction of appropriate

> support groups.

>

> Do you think this group is suitable for them?

>

> If not, can you recommend any other suitable support group?

>

> Thanks

>

> rustianimal

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi rustianimal,

>

> (Sorry about the last reply...guess my computer hiccupped!) 

I did get a bit confused by the response, so reposed to you. Please

ignore it.

>

> I know we have had posters in their teens.  But I would recommend

> that you review previous posts to see if your younger children would

> be able to handle some of the stuff that is discussed. 

I don't think the younger ones would be able to handle some stuff,

hence the question. However, they desperately need help to recognise

the abuse from their nada for what it is as they are constantly misled

and manipulated.

> What I would strongly recommend, however, is that you and the

> children get into therapy for the divorce, and that could also be a

> forum for you and they to deal with the suspected BP also. 

Unfortunately, my wife unilaterally cancelled all therapy I arranged

for me and the children (it was arranged by Social Services) and there

is nothing I can do to stop her as the law gives her the right as joint

parent to do so. I am looking for other ways to help the children that

she is not going to be able to block, thus my interest in the list.

> My children and I did not have any therapy or counselling during my

> divorce, and it is something that I later realized would have helped

> us all tremendously. 

What made your children aware of their need to get help and realise

they were being manipulated by their fada? As long as our children are

resident with her, she is confusing their emotions and colouring their

perception of reality. The result is they are burying the emotional

hurt deep down and have no outlet. At some point it will explode, but

then the damage and fallout may be too great. I want to avoid this if

possible and help them now if I can.

> I hope you also are in a support group for this.  You will need it

> for yourself, and also for helping your children.

I am being tremendously supported by my church and by my parents, but

that doesn't diminish my concern for them as their father. I just wish

I had more contact with them. Most of the time I only get to speak to

them on the phone. Some of them I have seen for weeks as their nada

restricts their movements and ability to travel (such as refusing to

take them to see me in her car) or denying them money for bus fares and

demoralising them to the point they cannot be arse'd to make the

journey to see me (even when I was only 400 yards down the road).

> Wishing you and your family well,

>

> Sylvia

Thanks for you concern. Any help, guidance or experience is appreciated.

Russ

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi rustianimal,

>

> (Sorry about the last reply...guess my computer hiccupped!) 

I did get a bit confused by the response, so reposed to you. Please

ignore it.

>

> I know we have had posters in their teens.  But I would recommend

> that you review previous posts to see if your younger children would

> be able to handle some of the stuff that is discussed. 

I don't think the younger ones would be able to handle some stuff,

hence the question. However, they desperately need help to recognise

the abuse from their nada for what it is as they are constantly misled

and manipulated.

> What I would strongly recommend, however, is that you and the

> children get into therapy for the divorce, and that could also be a

> forum for you and they to deal with the suspected BP also. 

Unfortunately, my wife unilaterally cancelled all therapy I arranged

for me and the children (it was arranged by Social Services) and there

is nothing I can do to stop her as the law gives her the right as joint

parent to do so. I am looking for other ways to help the children that

she is not going to be able to block, thus my interest in the list.

> My children and I did not have any therapy or counselling during my

> divorce, and it is something that I later realized would have helped

> us all tremendously. 

What made your children aware of their need to get help and realise

they were being manipulated by their fada? As long as our children are

resident with her, she is confusing their emotions and colouring their

perception of reality. The result is they are burying the emotional

hurt deep down and have no outlet. At some point it will explode, but

then the damage and fallout may be too great. I want to avoid this if

possible and help them now if I can.

> I hope you also are in a support group for this.  You will need it

> for yourself, and also for helping your children.

I am being tremendously supported by my church and by my parents, but

that doesn't diminish my concern for them as their father. I just wish

I had more contact with them. Most of the time I only get to speak to

them on the phone. Some of them I have seen for weeks as their nada

restricts their movements and ability to travel (such as refusing to

take them to see me in her car) or denying them money for bus fares and

demoralising them to the point they cannot be arse'd to make the

journey to see me (even when I was only 400 yards down the road).

> Wishing you and your family well,

>

> Sylvia

Thanks for you concern. Any help, guidance or experience is appreciated.

Russ

[Guest guest]

Not a problem! There is a list just for people who have a BP spouse,

and I understand that there is support there on legal matters also.

The problems that my children had because of my divorce did not have

anything to do with BPD. But there were problems none the less, and

I know that having had some therapy/guidance in this area would have

been better for all of us.

Do the best you can do. Learn as much as you can about this. And I

know that your children know that you love them. That love will

sustain them until they can get out of the situation - either when

they are old enough to leave, or if the situation changes regarding

custody of the children.

It is very important to children of a BP to know that there is

someone out there who knows and understands. So never think that you

are not helping your children, even if you can't do everything you

would like to do.

Sylvia

> >

> > Hi rustianimal,

> >

> > (Sorry about the last reply...guess my computer hiccupped!) 

>

> I did get a bit confused by the response, so reposed to you. Please

> ignore it.

> >

> > I know we have had posters in their teens.  But I would recommend

> > that you review previous posts to see if your younger children

would

> > be able to handle some of the stuff that is discussed. 

>

> I don't think the younger ones would be able to handle some stuff,

> hence the question. However, they desperately need help to

recognise

> the abuse from their nada for what it is as they are constantly

misled

> and manipulated.

>

> > What I would strongly recommend, however, is that you and the

> > children get into therapy for the divorce, and that could also

be a

> > forum for you and they to deal with the suspected BP also. 

>

> Unfortunately, my wife unilaterally cancelled all therapy I

arranged

> for me and the children (it was arranged by Social Services) and

there

> is nothing I can do to stop her as the law gives her the right as

joint

> parent to do so. I am looking for other ways to help the children

that

> she is not going to be able to block, thus my interest in the list.

>

> > My children and I did not have any therapy or counselling during

my

> > divorce, and it is something that I later realized would have

helped

> > us all tremendously. 

>

> What made your children aware of their need to get help and realise

> they were being manipulated by their fada? As long as our children

are

> resident with her, she is confusing their emotions and colouring

their

> perception of reality. The result is they are burying the emotional

> hurt deep down and have no outlet. At some point it will explode,

but

> then the damage and fallout may be too great. I want to avoid this

if

> possible and help them now if I can.

>

> > I hope you also are in a support group for this.  You will need

it

> > for yourself, and also for helping your children.

>

> I am being tremendously supported by my church and by my parents,

but

> that doesn't diminish my concern for them as their father. I just

wish

> I had more contact with them. Most of the time I only get to speak

to

> them on the phone. Some of them I have seen for weeks as their nada

> restricts their movements and ability to travel (such as refusing

to

> take them to see me in her car) or denying them money for bus fares

and

> demoralising them to the point they cannot be arse'd to make the

> journey to see me (even when I was only 400 yards down the road).

>

> > Wishing you and your family well,

> >

> > Sylvia

>

> Thanks for you concern. Any help, guidance or experience is

appreciated.

>

> Russ