Re: Spending Easter Alone

March 23, 2005

Hi,

Sorry to hear you are in a tough situation and feeling so down. You

wrote that you don't " have anyone anymore. " I think when your're

depressed that feels true, but it isn't true.

Our inner dialogue gets really distorted when we're depressed. We

feel alone and believe we are alone and I guess in a way we are

because we stop reaching out to others. It seems like a vicious

cycle. We don't have the energy to reach out and then feel alone

which makes us feel more isolated. I think the worst thing to do

when you're depressed is to isolate. Unfortunately it is usually all

we want to do. We don't have the desire to push ourselves to get out

and interact with people.

Maybe you'll feel better after the ex is gone. I know it is hard at

the holidays but if you can find a way to get out and go somewhere

you will probably feel better.

I used to be depressed a lot and for me my thoughts were my own

worst enemy. I compared my life to others and always felt inferior,

I just felt inadequate. I didn't know how to deal with my feelings

and just shut down. I don't know if you do that, but I realized that

I just sorta numbed out when faced with sadness, pain, anything

uncomfortable. I didn't have any confidence. I went inward just like

I did when I was in nada's house. I had to learn to process

feelings.

I read a really good book on depression titled " Feeling Good " and it

is a cognitive approach to feeling better. It resonated with me

because this doctor basically states that it is often our inner

dialogue causing our depression and once we change that we begin to

feel better. It doesn't make everything better, but it helped me to

see how I contributed to the depression.

I hope you are feeling better soon,

>

> Hi All,

>

> Haven't posted in a while, I am extremely lonely and depressed.

Still not

> speaking to Nada, I am Ok with it, no big suprise. Won't be

spending Easter

> with my family.

>

> I won't be spending it with my fiance either. He's not my fiance

anymore, but

> he's still living here with me. i told him on Sunday that he must

move out by

> April 1st. He is an " N " , and life has not been to stable for me

since I met him 2

> years ago. I did everything for him and got nothing back. I'm too

depressed to

> get into details.

>

> I have heard and read that it is common for KO's of BP Nadas to

get into

> relationships with " N " 's. That's what happened in my situation and

when I

> think back to past relationships, I do see a pattern of N

involvement. i have

> been involved with 2 others. They are very difficult to break away

from.

>

> I just feel so sick and sad. I come home from work and run up to

my bedroom

> and lock myself in there so I don't have to see him or speak to

him. I don't want

> to give him the opportunity to melt me. I am very attracted to him

physically, so

> I have to stay far away. This is taking alot of energy out of me

and I still have 9

> days of this to go. God give me strength. LOL.

>

> He works on Saturdays, and I am praying he is not here on Sunday

for

> Easter. The truth is though, I am so sad about being alone on a

Holiday, and I

> guess frightened to be alone in general. I have no one anymore. My

sister is

> married and pregnant and I hate to intrude on her life with my

screwed up life.

> I barely see my friends anymore because they have hubbies and kids.

>

> I feel so Icky. Holidays Suck.

>

> Deirdre

March 24, 2005

Hi Deirdre,

Sending lots of e-hugs to you. I remember spending holidays alone by

my own choice; I definitely preferred them to seeing nada, but it

still meant I was alone. Can you do something just for you on

Easter? Even something like talking a long walk or a hot bubble

bath, something to celebrate the Self you're taking care of. Because

although you feel blue right now, you ARE taking care of your Self,

and that pays off bigtime, for the rest of your life. Maybe this

holiday you can celebrate the real you, the Self you're helping now.

One tradition I started during the lonely Easters - I'd go buy a

bunch of those Cadbury egg thingys and then schedule what time

during the day to eat each one. Yeah, I know that's weird, but the

sugar highs were nice. It was a little something that I did, just

for me, that no one else had to know about. These days I still have

to buy at least one, just for memories' sake.

And you have this list if you need to post - my Easter is quiet this

year so I'll certainly be around, as I'm sure others will be, too.

If you get lonely, post and someone will be here.

>