You can't live with them and you can't live without them

[Guest guest]

Last night I talked to my wife about the problems between us. As

you may remember, she is away for 6 months. I learned the following

things.

1. She is not trying to get rid of me and she doesn't want a divorce.

2. She is incapable of understanding that her pushing my buttons and

then escalating when I ask her to stop, is a problem. To her the

problem is 100% mine, I am " too sensitive " . To me this is the

habitual refuge of the abuser.

3. She will not make any effort to stop this behavior, because she

doesn't see it as a problem.

4. She won't talk to me about these problems because she is afraid

of making it worse. I told her (for the umpteenth time) that there

is absolutely nothing that would be worse than not talking about

it. Then I asked her to repeat what I just said. She couldn't.

She dissociates rather than hear anything that goes against her

preconceived notions.

5. She says she is justified to hurt me because I am not sensitive

to her needs. Well, I used to try, but recently all I can do is

survive around her. At least I don't push her buttons and escalate -

unless my asking her not to push my buttons pushes her buttons.

I love her and I enjoy doing outdoor sports with her. I enjoy her

cooking. I enjoy snuggling with her. I am wondering if it is

possible to live with her destructive behaviors. For a month now I

have had my BIID (Body Integrity Identity Disorder) pretty well

under control. I believe that her behavior makes it harder for me

to live with BIID. I am frankly afraid that if I let her come back,

she will destabilize me again.

- Dan