Guest guest Posted October 13, 2004 Report Share Posted October 13, 2004 Oops! Sorry about that. She's gone. BPs have their own lists. The WelcomeToOz lists are for NonBPs. Back to our regularly scheduled programming. - Edith List Manager / WelcomeToOz Family of NonBP Email Support Groups pentecosto42 wrote: > Being a BPD wife and mother for several years... I have learned the > following from my family .... <snip> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 13, 2004 Report Share Posted October 13, 2004 Thanks, you actually made me LOL =) ~kim In a message dated 10/13/2004 9:16:16 AM Eastern Standard Time, hellokitty435@... writes: Hey, get off our board and take your pout somewheres else, ok? I dont feel sorry for you.- jana pentecosto42 wrote: Being a BPD wife and mother for several years... I have learned the following from my family .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 13, 2004 Report Share Posted October 13, 2004 Hey, I think these rules sound pretty good for a bpd, think they could actually use them? I think # 3 and 9 would be a pretty tall order... > > > Being a BPD wife and mother for several years... I have learned the > following from my family .... > > 1. Accept that no matter how much you actually improve or try to > improve it will never be enough for your family... stop trying to > please them and do whatever makes you happy. > > 2. Accept that everything will always be your fault... walk away > from their accusations and criticisms without comment. > > 3. Accept that there is no use in defending your position or ever > trying to discuss anything rationally, you will never be seen as > rational...simply let the chips fall where they may. > > 4. Accept that there is no such thing as right and wrong for anyone > in the family other than yourself...so give up all of your morals and > let everyone, including yourself, do as they damn please. > > 5. Accept that you will always be told that there is no such thing > as black and white... so rationalize everything you do into a shade > of gray and stop blaming yourself. > > 6. Accept that you cannot confide in anyone in the family without it > spreading like wild fire to everyone else...so keep your mouth shut > and tell no one anything. > > 7. Accept that as far as your family is concerned, you have no > feelings ....so never tell them how you feel about anything. Tell > your best friend the truth about your feelings and lie to everyone > else by telling them only and exactly what they want to hear. If you > don't know what they want to hear then ask them, and no matter what > it is they say... just agree to it. > > 8. Accept that whether you stay with the family or divorce them > doesn't really matter... the important thing is to live as though you > live alone and build a life that doesn't involve them. > > 9. Accept that you can never let them see your BPD or trust them > with having any compassion for your disorder...hang up the phone > with a smile and a " thank-you for calling, " or leave the house and > drive to the Yukon, but never let them know your pain... they can't > handle it and they don`t believe its real. > > 10. Accept that everyday, over and over and over , you will have to > repeat to yourself numbers one through nine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 13, 2004 Report Share Posted October 13, 2004 Yes, layers upon layers! This freaked me out especially because my nada used to often say to me 'Yes, it's all MY fault, everything is MY fault'. Accusing me, of accusing her, of ruining my life. (Unfairly, she thought). So it very much freaked me out to read my nada's exact words posted on this board. I sense if I confronted her about bpd, this would be exactly how she would respond. I ask all of you, how can one worry about nada's 'feelings' when she has a (literal or figurative) knife in her hand, and she is right in the middle of stabbing us with it, repeatedly? It is our right to get away from that knife, no? Or should we just let ourselves die of depression, suicide, etc, just because nada needs to believe she has 'feelings'? This post made me really angry and I am still processing it. > > > > > > Being a BPD wife and mother for several years... I have learned > the > > following from my family .... > > > > 1. Accept that no matter how much you actually improve or try to > > improve it will never be enough for your family... stop trying to > > please them and do whatever makes you happy. > > > > 2. Accept that everything will always be your fault... walk away > > from their accusations and criticisms without comment. > > > > 3. Accept that there is no use in defending your position or ever > > trying to discuss anything rationally, you will never be seen as > > rational...simply let the chips fall where they may. > > > > 4. Accept that there is no such thing as right and wrong for > anyone > > in the family other than yourself...so give up all of your morals > and > > let everyone, including yourself, do as they damn please. > > > > 5. Accept that you will always be told that there is no such > thing > > as black and white... so rationalize everything you do into a > shade > > of gray and stop blaming yourself. > > > > 6. Accept that you cannot confide in anyone in the family without > it > > spreading like wild fire to everyone else...so keep your mouth > shut > > and tell no one anything. > > > > 7. Accept that as far as your family is concerned, you have no > > feelings ....so never tell them how you feel about anything. Tell > > your best friend the truth about your feelings and lie to everyone > > else by telling them only and exactly what they want to hear. If > you > > don't know what they want to hear then ask them, and no matter > what > > it is they say... just agree to it. > > > > 8. Accept that whether you stay with the family or divorce them > > doesn't really matter... the important thing is to live as though > you > > live alone and build a life that doesn't involve them. > > > > 9. Accept that you can never let them see your BPD or trust them > > with having any compassion for your disorder...hang up the phone > > with a smile and a " thank-you for calling, " or leave the house and > > drive to the Yukon, but never let them know your pain... they > can't > > handle it and they don`t believe its real. > > > > 10. Accept that everyday, over and over and over , you will have > to > > repeat to yourself numbers one through nine. > > > > > > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: > http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 13, 2004 Report Share Posted October 13, 2004 The thing that struck me was how many of these rules could also apply to KOs, though in a jumbled combination of things we need to do now (stop trying to please your family, walk away from criticism) and things we needed to do when we were kids (not admit your feelings, etc.). Of course, I think we tend to come to them from a place of survival and not from the cranky-pants mood the author seemed to be in. peace, journeywork Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.