Re: Re: i've made great progress!

April 15, 2004

,

I was just thinking those exact thoughts earlier today...having to not only

re-parent ourselves but to de-parent all the bullshit we absorbed early on.

Definitely a confusing state sometimes with the excessive questioning and

second-guessing. I HAVE gotten better at recognizing unhealthy

people/beliefs which I wasn't able to do previously. Comparing how I would

assess certain situations a few years ago versus today is like night and

day.

The one I can't seem to shake is the excessive sarcasm. I wish I could find

something on the subject. Cleese wrote a couple of books on humor and

psychology after suffering problems of his own which I plan to read, but I'm

not sure if he even covers this.

Anyone else think that black humor is prevalent among KOs? What is it? A

defense mechanism to cope with madness? Veiled hostility?

Re: i've made great progress!

> Congrats busigirl7! And celebrate with us, because we can definitely

> see a reason to celebrate!

>

> Reading that article that Edith posted again made me think of

> something...

>

> In a way, once us KOs finally get out from under our nadas, we have

> to catch up emotionally to where we are intellectually. It's what our

> nadas can't do, because they're stuck. Because we were raised by

> them, we got " stuck " too, because we weren't allowed to experience

> our emotions while under their watch, at least, not beyond where they

> got " stuck " emotionally, and often not even that far. Free from them,

> and aware of what happened to us, we start to experience our

> emotional selves again.

>

> The hard part of this is that there can be no skipping steps along

> the way; all the ups and downs and mood swings that everybody else

> experienced in their childhood and teenage years, the appropriate

> learning processes of how to best handle emotions, we have to learn

> that stuff now. I find this frustrating, because I take two steps

> forward and one step back, and all the stuff that seems to easy to

> everyone else comes so very slowly to me. It's so hard to know what's

> appropriate, and half the time I feel like I'm doing it wrong.

> Sometimes I overdo it, and sometimes I underdo it. I'm trying to find

> the balance, but it's a weird, flaky process.

>

> Does anyone else feel this way sometimes?

>

> The good part is that we *can* heal our emotional selves, even if it

> comes slooowly.

>

> >

> > > well, since things are so slow on here and i've got a few mins to

> > > kill, i'll post

> > >

> > > i went to counseling today. my therapist was VERY impressed with

> the

> > > progress i made just this past week (with easter weekend) and

> with

> > > how i responded to my nada and brother and all. you know, setting

> my

> > > boundaries and enforcing them in a non-threatening but firm way;

> > > seeing them for who they are and not the ~ they love me so they

> > > don't mean to hurt me ~ fantasy.

> > >

> > > she said my progress was like a landslide and i deserved to

> > > celebrate. wow.

> > >

> > > now if only i had someone to celebrate with

> >

> > Excellent! Clinking a glass of bubbly (Diet Coke) with you here

> > in California. And, sending on something (below) for you to read.

> >

> > - Edith

> >

> > <<

> > Anonymous Account of Borderline Personality Disorder

> >

> > THEORY

> >

> > All the information on symptoms, behavior, destructive

> > tendencies, random outbursts, insecurity, instability, etc are

> > unquestioned and obvious - especially when you spend much time

> > around these people. The descriptions cover all the amorphous

> > manifestations of this problem. In my opinion however, the

> > mental health community has apparently missed what is actually

> > happening. What they are seeing aren't any number of spurious

> > abnormal behavior patterns, symptoms or defense mechanisms meant

> > to protect the person from threat or depression. As a

> > matter-of-fact, much of their behavior is quite normal and

> > deliberate. At this point, I hope you are wondering how.

> >

> > The reason their behavior is normal and deliberate is because

> > what is being experienced by the BPD person and witnessed by

> > those around them is predominantly: THE NORMAL BEHAVIOR OF A

> > CHILD. Of course, the abnormality/problem comes in because these

> > people aren't children - they're adults. Well, maybe they aren't

> > completely adults - not yet anyway. Their

> > psychological/emotional maturation was " stuck " (arrested), or

> > more accurately stated " trapped " , sometime in their youth due to

> > some perceived loss, real loss, or abuse. From that point on,

> > these people essentially have only had the identity components

> > and relationship capacity of the child they were at the time of

> > the loss (but definitely not more than a teenager). Their

> > intellectual and physical maturity continued reasonably

> > unabated, but what must be realized is that each area of

> > personal growth can occur independently of the others. What you

> > have in the BPD person is a physical/intellectual adult and a

> > psychological/emotional child. They are only doing what they

> > know how to do - what they were capable of at the time of their

> > perceived or real loss!

> >

> > There isn't any question that the psychological/emotional child

> > part of the BPD person is distressed. It is fearful, angry or

> > depressed depending on what caused its original trauma. It is

> > actually fear and their subconscious misconception, " I can't do

> > this alone! " , that is part of the trap that prevented the person

> > from maturing. Nevertheless, it is very easy to create a

> > psychological profile on these people using the normal psyche of

> > a child as the basis and couple it with what might be considered

> > a traumatizing component. If you study all the BPD articles and

> > psychological descriptions currently available, it almost jumps

> > out that you are looking at the psyche of a child, a disturbed

> > child indeed, but still a child. It should also be obvious that

> > anything as pervasive as the endless list of so-called BPD

> > symptoms suggests that what you have is general behavior, not

> > ten thousand individual defensive mechanisms or symptoms all

> > acting at once. If you don't see this, then you are undoubtedly

> > as confused as the mental health community evidently is. While

> > BPD behavior frequently seems chaotic and irrational,

> > reconsider, isn't that what you would expect from a distressed

> > child? What you have then is: a once severely distressed child

> > has become what the mental health community has labeled as a BPD

> > adult; an adult which frequently has uncontrollable, erratic

> > behavior. In reality, the BPD label is truly insignificant, what

> > you actually have is an adult with the " stuck " psyche of a child.

> >

> > I have read countless articles relating information on the self,

> > self activating, and other self references. It is more a

> > semantic rather than an actual discussion on the what you call

> > the self, but for me, the self is your soul/personality; in

> > other words, who you are. How your self (soul, personality or

> > whatever you want to call it) interacts/relates in life is based

> > on what level of emotional and intellectual maturity you have

> > achieved (both conscious and subconscious). Therefore, the self

> > is always there, active and is always a complete entity; maybe

> > certain components aren't in sync with each other, but they are

> > there.

> >

> > The articles I've read tie all the pieces together beautifully

> > up to the point of breakdown/loss; including all the facts about

> > the breakdown, that the person was a child, and all the ensuing

> > symptoms manifested by the person as an adult. From this point

> > on, each article takes a departure into mysterious psychic

> > phenomena as the source of symptoms and behavior. The mental

> > health professionals have evidently chosen to neglect the key

> > ingredients in order to force BPD behavior into the existing

> > paradigms of psychology. Nevertheless, the key ingredients are:

> > 1) you started with a child which obviously had the psyche of a

> > child; 2) something happened to stop the child's

> > psychological/emotional growth; 3) you now know that you have an

> > adult with behavioral problems; but if you look closely, their

> > behavior is suspiciously similar to that of a child. Simple

> > logic and common sense will tell you to stick with a line of

> > reasoning that includes the key ingredients; don't take a

> > radical departure. If you start with a child and the child stops

> > growing, one thing is for sure - you still have child! Any

> > extraneous psychic involvement/elements are peripheral or

> > supplementary.

> >

> > You can even map every so-called symptom/behavior of a BPD to

> > the behavior of a distressed child.

> >

> > Just for curiosity, lets map a few symptoms/behavior and see

> > what happens:

> >

> > SPLITTING/TRANSIENT BEHAVIOR:

> >

> > When a child is two years old, his first lessons are polarized -

> > good or bad. His learning continues in this manner for quite

> > some time. All his behavioral teaching has polarized overtones

> > to coincide with the limited intellectual capacity of a child.

> > He also learns to attach subconscious feelings to these

> > conscious lessons/concepts, for instance - love or hate. From

> > then on, (until he matures) he can feel or express total love

> > towards someone because of something good/agreeable, and in the

> > very next instant, feel or express hate towards them because of

> > something bad/disagreeable. Because he is still a child, all

> > these are extremely transient and lacking in depth. Polarized,

> > short term behavioral elements are very normal in children and

> > will continue well into their teens; or unfortunately longer, if

> > there is a problem.

> >

> > PROJECTION:

> >

> > Children either can't accept responsibility/accountability for

> > certain aspects of themselves, certain overwhelming experiences,

> > or don't want to be punished for bad behavior (even internally

> > by feeling guilty), so it's a convenience to displace

> > responsibility and put the blame on someone else. This is very

> > obvious behavior in a child but takes on a little more

> > sophistication in an adult because the mature intellect becomes

> > a factor which has a greater capacity to manipulate/rationalize

> > circumstantial factors. A child will deny bad behavior or

> > transfer it to someone else, even if a parent/adult is

> > completely aware or witnessed what actually happened.

> >

> > Nevertheless, a parent/adult usually dismisses the incident

> > anyway as childish nonsense. However, it boggles the mind to

> > witness an adult do the same thing; it isn't normal mature

> > behavior. When an adult projects, what usually ensues is some

> > kind of argument on what actually happened and who actually did

> > what. The truly amazing part, though, is no matter how you

> > confront the projecting adult, they will deny everything, the

> > same as a child does. This truly is childish behavior - and it

> > is one capacity of a child or a BPD adult.

> >

> > If a BPD is emotionally stressed, they are automatically in the

> > " trapped child " zone of their psyche. In this area, they can't

> > see themselves as anything but a victim. Their behavior is

> > always in response to an encounter, not the provocation. The

> > other person is always the bad guy and is always at fault.

> >

> > IDENTITY:

> >

> > A child is intuitively aware of his dependence on an external

> > source for his emotional, circumstantial, and physical

> > well-being. He perceives himself as limited in his capacity to

> > deal with real-life obligations and responsibility and really

> > doesn't want it anyway. All he really wants is superficial

> > responsibility, the kind that is fun and provides personal

> > gratification but has no real consequences; leave the real stuff

> > to the adults. He wants his life to be in the realm of fantasy

> > and play.

> >

> > If a child is thrust into what he perceives as real-life/adult

> > responsibility and emotional/psychological independence to soon

> > (the emotional abandonment or betrayal scenario), all his

> > limited characteristics become evident and amplified. He feels

> > weak, insecure, inferior, angry, unhappy, inadequate,

> > distrustful, etc; all the real capacity of a emotionally hurt

> > child. As this child matures, especially through adolescence, he

> > probably wont develop healthy and mature replacements of

> > confidence and growth beyond his childish limitations. Instead,

> > as a substitute, he builds a fortress, an outward facade/image

> > which gives the appearance of competence and security.

> >

> > As he grows, he can sense his facade and that not much inside

> > himself seems real; he therefore begins to feel very empty and

> > hollow, even more so than a normal teenager does. This is an

> > early and recurring sign that his intellect and his emotions are

> > way out of sync. His conscious intellect is aware that something

> > is wrong but he can't control or identify exactly what it is;

> > and, unfortunately for the BPD, wont get any better.

> >

> > If the child/BPD has some external attribute, you will generally

> > see an exaggerated importance placed on these as part of the

> > cover, substitute, and security for his lacking internal

> > psychological and emotional maturity. Anything about his person,

> > 1) physical or intellectual; 2) anything material, anything new

> > or lavish; 3) any social ties, especially a number of close

> > friends/companions; 4) anything to cling to as foundation or

> > fulfillment; all become part of the facade and crutches for

> > security.

> >

> > Since children/teenagers are in constant need of entertainment

> > and fun and are exposed to too much of the wrong kind, the BPD

> > person will most likely pick up destructive habits as sources of

> > desperately needed fun and relief. Mind flight and escape become

> > a very important - even necessary - part of their lives, and the

> > various sources that produce it also become

> > psychological/emotional crutches.

> >

> > RELATIONSHIPS:

> >

> > A child initially idolizes his parents; they are wonderful

> > superhumans, omnipotent heroes; so the child worships and loves

> > them deeply. The child tries to emulate every aspect of these

> > people. However, if something happens to damage and breakdown

> > the love bond and idealization of his parent, the child feels

> > disillusioned, betrayed and lost. He perceives himself as still

> > dependent but can no longer depend on his parents, so he tries

> > to quickly replace the parent personage by someone else that (in

> > his eyes) fulfills the superhuman - hero requirements. Until

> > this child matures and truly becomes independent, any

> > significant other for the rest of his life will have to

> > initially either have the perceived superhuman quality or

> > provide some degree of circumstantial security.

> >

> > When a BPD person is an adult (in age anyway) and engages in a

> > serious relationship with someone, a relationship that should be

> > based on mutual adult love and sharing, it isn't long before

> > child-like relationship aspects arise and cause problems. The

> > BPD person is only capable of limited love but needs endless

> > love, the same as what a child expects with a parent. The

> > significant other person in this relationship becomes the parent

> > replacement; available on demand to meet all the personal,

> > emotional, and circumstantial needs; but, gets very little deep

> > mature love and consideration in return. What this person

> > usually experiences in this relationship is what a parent does

> > with a child/teenager; 1) sometimes genuine love; 2) sometimes

> > casual indifference; 3) sometimes sarcasm, smart-ass attitude,

> > picking, provoking, moodiness, and irritability; 4) sometimes

> > withdrawal and depression. Part of this behavior comes from

> > simple immaturity and part comes from the threat that the

> > significant other person represents the capacity to hurt,

> > betray, and leave. Any interpersonal stress/contention can

> > amplify these mood tendencies. Down deep though, the BPD person

> > knows he is still dependent, so no matter how badly he mistreats

> > his significant other, he doesn't want the other person to

> > leave; the same as a child didn't want his parent to leave, in

> > spite of how badly the parent mistreated, neglected, or abused him.

> >

> > These are enough examples; I think you get the idea. Debbie, you

> > can map every BPD aspect in this manner, from the simple more

> > obvious to the complex less obvious. I reiterate, they are only

> > doing what they know how to do; their behavior is not a collage

> > of random elements. Their behavior is primarily based on

> > insecurity, fear, and the once severely hurt child-like psyche

> > (which is still present now, " trapped " ) is extremely limited and

> > vulnerable to anything or anyone that is a potential threat.

> > These limitations make them a stressful/defensive person with

> > three reactionary dimensions. Being frequently stressed or on

> > the defense, BPD's 1) overreact to simple stressors; 2) get

> > angry or become depressed on moderate stressors; and 3) go into

> > panic, rage, or deep depression on what they perceive as

> > overwhelming stressors.

> >

> > Everyone, BPD or not, carries some degree of

> > psychological/emotional immaturity into adulthood. The typical

> > gap between the intellectual and emotional psyche is usually

> > small enough that interpersonal conflicts are infrequent and

> > minor; so, the average person can handle these with few serious

> > life side consequences. The maturity gap between the

> > psychological/emotional and the intellect of a BPD person is

> > very wide and pronounced which causes frequent, major

> > interpersonal conflicts. Since emotional responses are

> > reactionary, all you need is an confrontation between a BPD and

> > someone else or a circumstantial problem, add an extra emotional

> > stressing stimulus, and then look out. Depending on the degree

> > of the stressor, you will see the child-like response from the

> > BPD corresponding to the kind and degree described above.

> >

> > The mental health community speculates on chemical imbalance and

> > genetics as the origin of BPD. Although these may be influential

> > factors, more so in one individual than another, I still think

> > it is more a developmental miscarriage than anything else. I

> > seriously doubt that it is possible to do a chemical or

> > neurological test on one of these people and find anything but

> > an imbalance. BPD'S have experienced some kind of stress/anxiety

> > every day for years. While it is beneficial to treat the

> > imbalances and provide temporary relief, the cure remains to

> > help these people with the insight and counseling that leads to

> > a healthy restructuring/reprogramming of the emotional psyche. I

> > am aware of several undiagnosed people who have over the years

> > outgrown the symptoms and behavior. It stands to reason that

> > life-side experience will eventually dispel childish concepts

> > and close the gap. It also stands to reason that the greater the

> > gap, or lack of its awareness, the longer it will take. The

> > tragedy is that BPD people usually ruin their lives and many

> > around them before they grow out of it. I can also say that I

> > know a few that are quite old and still manifest BPD behavior;

> > but, they are in absolute denial.

> >

> > A BPD person essentially is the child they once were, including

> > their age and complete psycho/emotional content resulting from a

> > traumatic experience/loss; the most traumatic loss of all - the

> > perceived loss of nurturing love. Love is a general, pervasive

> > and necessary psychological requirement. If fear, repression or

> > some other psychic mechanism interrupts the nurturing realized

> > by love, the result is a general breakdown or failure, a

> > cessation of emotional growth and maturation. When the

> > subconscious psyche is accessed for behavioral reference and the

> > feelings necessary for relationships, it brings up the latest

> > version. Unfortunately for BPD's, the latest version hasn't been

> > updated/modified for many years; it isn't adult, mature or

> > healthy. For a child/adult who suffers from this, their lives

> > are subject to this condition and will be until they can

> > understand and overcome it.

> >

> > Permission granted by author who wishes to remain anonymous.

> >

> > Posted at:

> > http://www.mhsanctuary.com/borderline/anon.htm

> >

> > >>

>

> Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

> http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

April 16, 2004

busigirl7 wrote:

> hi edith,

>

> thank you for responding to my post. i feel honored at having heard

> from you - you seem to be the guru here.

Hmmm, I'm blushing. But OK, guru sounds nice.

> i mentioned this support group several times to my therapist and

> know that it is now playing a huge role in my recovery.

Again, excellent! And that's why we KOs are gathered here. No

one knows what we've been through, except other KOs who've

walked in the same ill-fitting pair of shoes.

> the article you sent - wow. i was relating it to my nada as i read

> until i got about halfway down. then it was all about me. i'm going

> to have to print it and reread it/think about it. this whole

> recovery process is A LOT of work ...

Yes, its slow and painful work. But, unlike our nadas, we can

change. They can't. Most of the changes that have occurred in my

life, since learning about BPD and being on Oasis lists with

other KOs, occurred within the first two years. Since then its

been a little tuck here and there -- like, I caught myself

second-guessing something yesterday. I've been here for 8 years now.

> anyway, once again something has been posted on here that is going

> to/has already made a huge change in my life. and i've only been

> here, what a week now? i can't wait to see what happens in a month!

> whoo hoo! lol

You're on your way, . From here on you can expect your life

to get better and better and better. None of us deserved the

hand we were dealt by having been parented by a nada.

Hugs,

- Edith

I had posted:

>>Anonymous Account of Borderline Personality Disorder

>>

>>THEORY

>>

>>All the information on symptoms, behavior, destructive

>>tendencies, random outbursts, insecurity, instability, etc are

>>unquestioned and obvious - especially when you spend much time

>>around these people. The descriptions cover all the amorphous

>>manifestations of this problem. In my opinion however, the

>>mental health community has apparently missed what is actually

>>happening. What they are seeing aren't any number of spurious

>>abnormal behavior patterns, symptoms or defense mechanisms meant

>>to protect the person from threat or depression. As a

>>matter-of-fact, much of their behavior is quite normal and

>>deliberate. At this point, I hope you are wondering how.

>>

>>The reason their behavior is normal and deliberate is because

>>what is being experienced by the BPD person and witnessed by

>>those around them is predominantly: THE NORMAL BEHAVIOR OF A

>>CHILD. Of course, the abnormality/problem comes in because these

>>people aren't children - they're adults. Well, maybe they aren't

>>completely adults - not yet anyway. Their

>>psychological/emotional maturation was " stuck " (arrested), or

>>more accurately stated " trapped " , sometime in their youth due to

>>some perceived loss, real loss, or abuse. From that point on,

>>these people essentially have only had the identity components

>>and relationship capacity of the child they were at the time of

>>the loss (but definitely not more than a teenager). Their

>>intellectual and physical maturity continued reasonably

>>unabated, but what must be realized is that each area of

>>personal growth can occur independently of the others. What you

>>have in the BPD person is a physical/intellectual adult and a

>>psychological/emotional child. They are only doing what they

>>know how to do - what they were capable of at the time of their

>>perceived or real loss!

>>

>>There isn't any question that the psychological/emotional child

>>part of the BPD person is distressed. It is fearful, angry or

>>depressed depending on what caused its original trauma. It is

>>actually fear and their subconscious misconception, " I can't do

>>this alone! " , that is part of the trap that prevented the person

>>from maturing. Nevertheless, it is very easy to create a

>>psychological profile on these people using the normal psyche of

>>a child as the basis and couple it with what might be considered

>>a traumatizing component. If you study all the BPD articles and

>>psychological descriptions currently available, it almost jumps

>>out that you are looking at the psyche of a child, a disturbed

>>child indeed, but still a child. It should also be obvious that

>>anything as pervasive as the endless list of so-called BPD

>>symptoms suggests that what you have is general behavior, not

>>ten thousand individual defensive mechanisms or symptoms all

>>acting at once. If you don't see this, then you are undoubtedly

>>as confused as the mental health community evidently is. While

>>BPD behavior frequently seems chaotic and irrational,

>>reconsider, isn't that what you would expect from a distressed

>>child? What you have then is: a once severely distressed child

>>has become what the mental health community has labeled as a BPD

>>adult; an adult which frequently has uncontrollable, erratic

>>behavior. In reality, the BPD label is truly insignificant, what

>>you actually have is an adult with the " stuck " psyche of a child.

>>

>>I have read countless articles relating information on the self,

>>self activating, and other self references. It is more a

>>semantic rather than an actual discussion on the what you call

>>the self, but for me, the self is your soul/personality; in

>>other words, who you are. How your self (soul, personality or

>>whatever you want to call it) interacts/relates in life is based

>>on what level of emotional and intellectual maturity you have

>>achieved (both conscious and subconscious). Therefore, the self

>>is always there, active and is always a complete entity; maybe

>>certain components aren't in sync with each other, but they are

>>there.

>>

>>The articles I've read tie all the pieces together beautifully

>>up to the point of breakdown/loss; including all the facts about

>>the breakdown, that the person was a child, and all the ensuing

>>symptoms manifested by the person as an adult. From this point

>>on, each article takes a departure into mysterious psychic

>>phenomena as the source of symptoms and behavior. The mental

>>health professionals have evidently chosen to neglect the key

>>ingredients in order to force BPD behavior into the existing

>>paradigms of psychology. Nevertheless, the key ingredients are:

>>1) you started with a child which obviously had the psyche of a

>>child; 2) something happened to stop the child's

>>psychological/emotional growth; 3) you now know that you have an

>>adult with behavioral problems; but if you look closely, their

>>behavior is suspiciously similar to that of a child. Simple

>>logic and common sense will tell you to stick with a line of

>>reasoning that includes the key ingredients; don't take a

>>radical departure. If you start with a child and the child stops

>>growing, one thing is for sure - you still have child! Any

>>extraneous psychic involvement/elements are peripheral or

>>supplementary.

>>

>>You can even map every so-called symptom/behavior of a BPD to

>>the behavior of a distressed child.

>>

>>Just for curiosity, lets map a few symptoms/behavior and see

>>what happens:

>>

>>SPLITTING/TRANSIENT BEHAVIOR:

>>

>>When a child is two years old, his first lessons are polarized -

>>good or bad. His learning continues in this manner for quite

>>some time. All his behavioral teaching has polarized overtones

>>to coincide with the limited intellectual capacity of a child.

>>He also learns to attach subconscious feelings to these

>>conscious lessons/concepts, for instance - love or hate. From

>>then on, (until he matures) he can feel or express total love

>>towards someone because of something good/agreeable, and in the

>>very next instant, feel or express hate towards them because of

>>something bad/disagreeable. Because he is still a child, all

>>these are extremely transient and lacking in depth. Polarized,

>>short term behavioral elements are very normal in children and

>>will continue well into their teens; or unfortunately longer, if

>>there is a problem.

>>

>>PROJECTION:

>>

>>Children either can't accept responsibility/accountability for

>>certain aspects of themselves, certain overwhelming experiences,

>>or don't want to be punished for bad behavior (even internally

>>by feeling guilty), so it's a convenience to displace

>>responsibility and put the blame on someone else. This is very

>>obvious behavior in a child but takes on a little more

>>sophistication in an adult because the mature intellect becomes

>>a factor which has a greater capacity to manipulate/rationalize

>>circumstantial factors. A child will deny bad behavior or

>>transfer it to someone else, even if a parent/adult is

>>completely aware or witnessed what actually happened.

>>

>>Nevertheless, a parent/adult usually dismisses the incident

>>anyway as childish nonsense. However, it boggles the mind to

>>witness an adult do the same thing; it isn't normal mature

>>behavior. When an adult projects, what usually ensues is some

>>kind of argument on what actually happened and who actually did

>>what. The truly amazing part, though, is no matter how you

>>confront the projecting adult, they will deny everything, the

>>same as a child does. This truly is childish behavior - and it

>>is one capacity of a child or a BPD adult.

>>

>>If a BPD is emotionally stressed, they are automatically in the

>> " trapped child " zone of their psyche. In this area, they can't

>>see themselves as anything but a victim. Their behavior is

>>always in response to an encounter, not the provocation. The

>>other person is always the bad guy and is always at fault.

>>

>>IDENTITY:

>>

>>A child is intuitively aware of his dependence on an external

>>source for his emotional, circumstantial, and physical

>>well-being. He perceives himself as limited in his capacity to

>>deal with real-life obligations and responsibility and really

>>doesn't want it anyway. All he really wants is superficial

>>responsibility, the kind that is fun and provides personal

>>gratification but has no real consequences; leave the real stuff

>>to the adults. He wants his life to be in the realm of fantasy

>>and play.

>>

>>If a child is thrust into what he perceives as real-life/adult

>>responsibility and emotional/psychological independence to soon

>>(the emotional abandonment or betrayal scenario), all his

>>limited characteristics become evident and amplified. He feels

>>weak, insecure, inferior, angry, unhappy, inadequate,

>>distrustful, etc; all the real capacity of a emotionally hurt

>>child. As this child matures, especially through adolescence, he

>>probably wont develop healthy and mature replacements of

>>confidence and growth beyond his childish limitations. Instead,

>>as a substitute, he builds a fortress, an outward facade/image

>>which gives the appearance of competence and security.

>>

>>As he grows, he can sense his facade and that not much inside

>>himself seems real; he therefore begins to feel very empty and

>>hollow, even more so than a normal teenager does. This is an

>>early and recurring sign that his intellect and his emotions are

>>way out of sync. His conscious intellect is aware that something

>>is wrong but he can't control or identify exactly what it is;

>>and, unfortunately for the BPD, wont get any better.

>>

>>If the child/BPD has some external attribute, you will generally

>>see an exaggerated importance placed on these as part of the

>>cover, substitute, and security for his lacking internal

>>psychological and emotional maturity. Anything about his person,

>>1) physical or intellectual; 2) anything material, anything new

>>or lavish; 3) any social ties, especially a number of close

>>friends/companions; 4) anything to cling to as foundation or

>>fulfillment; all become part of the facade and crutches for

>>security.

>>

>>Since children/teenagers are in constant need of entertainment

>>and fun and are exposed to too much of the wrong kind, the BPD

>>person will most likely pick up destructive habits as sources of

>>desperately needed fun and relief. Mind flight and escape become

>>a very important - even necessary - part of their lives, and the

>>various sources that produce it also become

>>psychological/emotional crutches.

>>

>>RELATIONSHIPS:

>>

>>A child initially idolizes his parents; they are wonderful

>>superhumans, omnipotent heroes; so the child worships and loves

>>them deeply. The child tries to emulate every aspect of these

>>people. However, if something happens to damage and breakdown

>>the love bond and idealization of his parent, the child feels

>>disillusioned, betrayed and lost. He perceives himself as still

>>dependent but can no longer depend on his parents, so he tries

>>to quickly replace the parent personage by someone else that (in

>>his eyes) fulfills the superhuman - hero requirements. Until

>>this child matures and truly becomes independent, any

>>significant other for the rest of his life will have to

>>initially either have the perceived superhuman quality or

>>provide some degree of circumstantial security.

>>

>>When a BPD person is an adult (in age anyway) and engages in a

>>serious relationship with someone, a relationship that should be

>>based on mutual adult love and sharing, it isn't long before

>>child-like relationship aspects arise and cause problems. The

>>BPD person is only capable of limited love but needs endless

>>love, the same as what a child expects with a parent. The

>>significant other person in this relationship becomes the parent

>>replacement; available on demand to meet all the personal,

>>emotional, and circumstantial needs; but, gets very little deep

>>mature love and consideration in return. What this person

>>usually experiences in this relationship is what a parent does

>>with a child/teenager; 1) sometimes genuine love; 2) sometimes

>>casual indifference; 3) sometimes sarcasm, smart-ass attitude,

>>picking, provoking, moodiness, and irritability; 4) sometimes

>>withdrawal and depression. Part of this behavior comes from

>>simple immaturity and part comes from the threat that the

>>significant other person represents the capacity to hurt,

>>betray, and leave. Any interpersonal stress/contention can

>>amplify these mood tendencies. Down deep though, the BPD person

>>knows he is still dependent, so no matter how badly he mistreats

>>his significant other, he doesn't want the other person to

>>leave; the same as a child didn't want his parent to leave, in

>>spite of how badly the parent mistreated, neglected, or abused him.

>>

>>These are enough examples; I think you get the idea. Debbie, you

>>can map every BPD aspect in this manner, from the simple more

>>obvious to the complex less obvious. I reiterate, they are only

>>doing what they know how to do; their behavior is not a collage

>>of random elements. Their behavior is primarily based on

>>insecurity, fear, and the once severely hurt child-like psyche

>>(which is still present now, " trapped " ) is extremely limited and

>>vulnerable to anything or anyone that is a potential threat.

>>These limitations make them a stressful/defensive person with

>>three reactionary dimensions. Being frequently stressed or on

>>the defense, BPD's 1) overreact to simple stressors; 2) get

>>angry or become depressed on moderate stressors; and 3) go into

>>panic, rage, or deep depression on what they perceive as

>>overwhelming stressors.

>>

>>Everyone, BPD or not, carries some degree of

>>psychological/emotional immaturity into adulthood. The typical

>>gap between the intellectual and emotional psyche is usually

>>small enough that interpersonal conflicts are infrequent and

>>minor; so, the average person can handle these with few serious

>>life side consequences. The maturity gap between the

>>psychological/emotional and the intellect of a BPD person is

>>very wide and pronounced which causes frequent, major

>>interpersonal conflicts. Since emotional responses are

>>reactionary, all you need is an confrontation between a BPD and

>>someone else or a circumstantial problem, add an extra emotional

>>stressing stimulus, and then look out. Depending on the degree

>>of the stressor, you will see the child-like response from the

>>BPD corresponding to the kind and degree described above.

>>

>>The mental health community speculates on chemical imbalance and

>>genetics as the origin of BPD. Although these may be influential

>>factors, more so in one individual than another, I still think

>>it is more a developmental miscarriage than anything else. I

>>seriously doubt that it is possible to do a chemical or

>>neurological test on one of these people and find anything but

>>an imbalance. BPD'S have experienced some kind of stress/anxiety

>>every day for years. While it is beneficial to treat the

>>imbalances and provide temporary relief, the cure remains to

>>help these people with the insight and counseling that leads to

>>a healthy restructuring/reprogramming of the emotional psyche. I

>>am aware of several undiagnosed people who have over the years

>>outgrown the symptoms and behavior. It stands to reason that

>>life-side experience will eventually dispel childish concepts

>>and close the gap. It also stands to reason that the greater the

>>gap, or lack of its awareness, the longer it will take. The

>>tragedy is that BPD people usually ruin their lives and many

>>around them before they grow out of it. I can also say that I

>>know a few that are quite old and still manifest BPD behavior;

>>but, they are in absolute denial.

>>

>>A BPD person essentially is the child they once were, including

>>their age and complete psycho/emotional content resulting from a

>>traumatic experience/loss; the most traumatic loss of all - the

>>perceived loss of nurturing love. Love is a general, pervasive

>>and necessary psychological requirement. If fear, repression or

>>some other psychic mechanism interrupts the nurturing realized

>>by love, the result is a general breakdown or failure, a

>>cessation of emotional growth and maturation. When the

>>subconscious psyche is accessed for behavioral reference and the

>>feelings necessary for relationships, it brings up the latest

>>version. Unfortunately for BPD's, the latest version hasn't been

>>updated/modified for many years; it isn't adult, mature or

>>healthy. For a child/adult who suffers from this, their lives

>>are subject to this condition and will be until they can

>>understand and overcome it.

>>

>>Permission granted by author who wishes to remain anonymous.

>>

>>Posted at:

>>http://www.mhsanctuary.com/borderline/anon.htm

>>

>> >>

April 16, 2004

Greg wrote:

> Anyone else think that black humor is prevalent among KOs? What is it? A

> defense mechanism to cope with madness? Veiled hostility?

Hi Greg,

Uh huh, probably both of the above. One characteristic of the

KOs we see on these Oasis lists is that they're generally very

good at using black humor. And some use sarcasm.

I heard somewhere, too, that comics/comedians generally have

originated from a background of dysfunctional/abusive FOOs

(Family of Origin, for the newbies).

I think we KOs learned to express ourself via black humor etc in

our self-talk while being chastised. Hmmm, maybe we learned to

do black humor stuff as a way of 'tickling' our Self. <g>

- Edith

April 16, 2004

Regarding unhealthy people, it seems I went through a few stages:

1) It's not ME that's unhealthy, but the world,

2) Something reeks around here...and it might just be me...yes it's ALL me

(black-and-white)

3) No, it's not ALL me, our society and particularly our dominant belief

systems are the source of a lot of our problems (think of the prevalence of

shallow consumerism - a futile attempt to overcome neglect - also think of

another topic that shall remain nameless)

The trick is to accept the dysfunction in oneself and others and still live

happily.

If we accept the proposition that anger is a secondary emotion,

http://eqi.org/anger.htm

then what is or are the primary unmet emotional need(s)?

I can see a positive quality to sarcasm because it does make you think as

liquidsunsh stated, but it can definitely be harmful too (especially for

children who don't even understand sarcasm until around what age? 10 or

something?). I think I just need some more precise terms to tease out the

various aspects that I don't currently see. Anyone have any references?

Re: i've made great progress!

> hi greg,

>

> re: recognizing unhealthy people - omg ME TOO i used to think

> everyone else out there was confident and so level-headed. now it's

> as if they're wearing a t-shirt that says, I HAVE ISSUES. it's that

> obvious to me now and it surprises me when other people don't see it.

>

> about sarcasm. i don't remember where i read it but what i read said

> specifically that sarcasm is a child of anger. i've always been very

> sarcastic. as has my whole family. of course my nada (who, btw is

> THE smartest person on the planet and knows things no other mortal

> does...) uses the $5 word - facetious. and she's quite proud of

> her " sense of humor. "

>

> i'm trying to reduce the amount of sarcasm that comes out of my

> mouth. would that be another flea?

>

> karen

>

> > > >

> > > > > well, since things are so slow on here and i've got a few

> mins to

> > > > > kill, i'll post

> > > > >

> > > > > i went to counseling today. my therapist was VERY impressed

> with

> > > the

> > > > > progress i made just this past week (with easter weekend) and

> > > with

> > > > > how i responded to my nada and brother and all. you know,

> setting

> > > my

> > > > > boundaries and enforcing them in a non-threatening but firm

> way;

> > > > > seeing them for who they are and not the ~ they love me so

> they

> > > > > don't mean to hurt me ~ fantasy.

> > > > >

> > > > > she said my progress was like a landslide and i deserved to

> > > > > celebrate. wow.

> > > > >

> > > > > now if only i had someone to celebrate with

> > > >

> > > > Excellent! Clinking a glass of bubbly (Diet Coke) with you here

> > > > in California. And, sending on something (below) for you to

> read.

> > > >

> > > > - Edith

> > > >

> > > > <<

> > > > Anonymous Account of Borderline Personality Disorder

> > > >

> > > > THEORY

> > > >

> > > > All the information on symptoms, behavior, destructive

> > > > tendencies, random outbursts, insecurity, instability, etc are

> > > > unquestioned and obvious - especially when you spend much time

> > > > around these people. The descriptions cover all the amorphous

> > > > manifestations of this problem. In my opinion however, the

> > > > mental health community has apparently missed what is actually

> > > > happening. What they are seeing aren't any number of spurious

> > > > abnormal behavior patterns, symptoms or defense mechanisms

> meant

> > > > to protect the person from threat or depression. As a

> > > > matter-of-fact, much of their behavior is quite normal and

> > > > deliberate. At this point, I hope you are wondering how.

> > > >

> > > > The reason their behavior is normal and deliberate is because

> > > > what is being experienced by the BPD person and witnessed by

> > > > those around them is predominantly: THE NORMAL BEHAVIOR OF A

> > > > CHILD. Of course, the abnormality/problem comes in because

> these

> > > > people aren't children - they're adults. Well, maybe they

> aren't

> > > > completely adults - not yet anyway. Their

> > > > psychological/emotional maturation was " stuck " (arrested), or

> > > > more accurately stated " trapped " , sometime in their youth due

> to

> > > > some perceived loss, real loss, or abuse. From that point on,

> > > > these people essentially have only had the identity components

> > > > and relationship capacity of the child they were at the time of

> > > > the loss (but definitely not more than a teenager). Their

> > > > intellectual and physical maturity continued reasonably

> > > > unabated, but what must be realized is that each area of

> > > > personal growth can occur independently of the others. What you

> > > > have in the BPD person is a physical/intellectual adult and a

> > > > psychological/emotional child. They are only doing what they

> > > > know how to do - what they were capable of at the time of their

> > > > perceived or real loss!

> > > >

> > > > There isn't any question that the psychological/emotional child

> > > > part of the BPD person is distressed. It is fearful, angry or

> > > > depressed depending on what caused its original trauma. It is

> > > > actually fear and their subconscious misconception, " I can't do

> > > > this alone! " , that is part of the trap that prevented the

> person

> > > > from maturing. Nevertheless, it is very easy to create a

> > > > psychological profile on these people using the normal psyche

> of

> > > > a child as the basis and couple it with what might be

> considered

> > > > a traumatizing component. If you study all the BPD articles and

> > > > psychological descriptions currently available, it almost jumps

> > > > out that you are looking at the psyche of a child, a disturbed

> > > > child indeed, but still a child. It should also be obvious that

> > > > anything as pervasive as the endless list of so-called BPD

> > > > symptoms suggests that what you have is general behavior, not

> > > > ten thousand individual defensive mechanisms or symptoms all

> > > > acting at once. If you don't see this, then you are undoubtedly

> > > > as confused as the mental health community evidently is. While

> > > > BPD behavior frequently seems chaotic and irrational,

> > > > reconsider, isn't that what you would expect from a distressed

> > > > child? What you have then is: a once severely distressed child

> > > > has become what the mental health community has labeled as a

> BPD

> > > > adult; an adult which frequently has uncontrollable, erratic

> > > > behavior. In reality, the BPD label is truly insignificant,

> what

> > > > you actually have is an adult with the " stuck " psyche of a

> child.

> > > >

> > > > I have read countless articles relating information on the

> self,

> > > > self activating, and other self references. It is more a

> > > > semantic rather than an actual discussion on the what you call

> > > > the self, but for me, the self is your soul/personality; in

> > > > other words, who you are. How your self (soul, personality or

> > > > whatever you want to call it) interacts/relates in life is

> based

> > > > on what level of emotional and intellectual maturity you have

> > > > achieved (both conscious and subconscious). Therefore, the self

> > > > is always there, active and is always a complete entity; maybe

> > > > certain components aren't in sync with each other, but they are

> > > > there.

> > > >

> > > > The articles I've read tie all the pieces together beautifully

> > > > up to the point of breakdown/loss; including all the facts

> about

> > > > the breakdown, that the person was a child, and all the ensuing

> > > > symptoms manifested by the person as an adult. From this point

> > > > on, each article takes a departure into mysterious psychic

> > > > phenomena as the source of symptoms and behavior. The mental

> > > > health professionals have evidently chosen to neglect the key

> > > > ingredients in order to force BPD behavior into the existing

> > > > paradigms of psychology. Nevertheless, the key ingredients are:

> > > > 1) you started with a child which obviously had the psyche of a

> > > > child; 2) something happened to stop the child's

> > > > psychological/emotional growth; 3) you now know that you have

> an

> > > > adult with behavioral problems; but if you look closely, their

> > > > behavior is suspiciously similar to that of a child. Simple

> > > > logic and common sense will tell you to stick with a line of

> > > > reasoning that includes the key ingredients; don't take a

> > > > radical departure. If you start with a child and the child

> stops

> > > > growing, one thing is for sure - you still have child! Any

> > > > extraneous psychic involvement/elements are peripheral or

> > > > supplementary.

> > > >

> > > > You can even map every so-called symptom/behavior of a BPD to

> > > > the behavior of a distressed child.

> > > >

> > > > Just for curiosity, lets map a few symptoms/behavior and see

> > > > what happens:

> > > >

> > > > SPLITTING/TRANSIENT BEHAVIOR:

> > > >

> > > > When a child is two years old, his first lessons are

> polarized -

> > > > good or bad. His learning continues in this manner for quite

> > > > some time. All his behavioral teaching has polarized overtones

> > > > to coincide with the limited intellectual capacity of a child.

> > > > He also learns to attach subconscious feelings to these

> > > > conscious lessons/concepts, for instance - love or hate. From

> > > > then on, (until he matures) he can feel or express total love

> > > > towards someone because of something good/agreeable, and in the

> > > > very next instant, feel or express hate towards them because of

> > > > something bad/disagreeable. Because he is still a child, all

> > > > these are extremely transient and lacking in depth. Polarized,

> > > > short term behavioral elements are very normal in children and

> > > > will continue well into their teens; or unfortunately longer,

> if

> > > > there is a problem.

> > > >

> > > > PROJECTION:

> > > >

> > > > Children either can't accept responsibility/accountability for

> > > > certain aspects of themselves, certain overwhelming

> experiences,

> > > > or don't want to be punished for bad behavior (even internally

> > > > by feeling guilty), so it's a convenience to displace

> > > > responsibility and put the blame on someone else. This is very

> > > > obvious behavior in a child but takes on a little more

> > > > sophistication in an adult because the mature intellect becomes

> > > > a factor which has a greater capacity to manipulate/rationalize

> > > > circumstantial factors. A child will deny bad behavior or

> > > > transfer it to someone else, even if a parent/adult is

> > > > completely aware or witnessed what actually happened.

> > > >

> > > > Nevertheless, a parent/adult usually dismisses the incident

> > > > anyway as childish nonsense. However, it boggles the mind to

> > > > witness an adult do the same thing; it isn't normal mature

> > > > behavior. When an adult projects, what usually ensues is some

> > > > kind of argument on what actually happened and who actually did

> > > > what. The truly amazing part, though, is no matter how you

> > > > confront the projecting adult, they will deny everything, the

> > > > same as a child does. This truly is childish behavior - and it

> > > > is one capacity of a child or a BPD adult.

> > > >

> > > > If a BPD is emotionally stressed, they are automatically in the

> > > > " trapped child " zone of their psyche. In this area, they can't

> > > > see themselves as anything but a victim. Their behavior is

> > > > always in response to an encounter, not the provocation. The

> > > > other person is always the bad guy and is always at fault.

> > > >

> > > > IDENTITY:

> > > >

> > > > A child is intuitively aware of his dependence on an external

> > > > source for his emotional, circumstantial, and physical

> > > > well-being. He perceives himself as limited in his capacity to

> > > > deal with real-life obligations and responsibility and really

> > > > doesn't want it anyway. All he really wants is superficial

> > > > responsibility, the kind that is fun and provides personal

> > > > gratification but has no real consequences; leave the real

> stuff

> > > > to the adults. He wants his life to be in the realm of fantasy

> > > > and play.

> > > >

> > > > If a child is thrust into what he perceives as real-life/adult

> > > > responsibility and emotional/psychological independence to soon

> > > > (the emotional abandonment or betrayal scenario), all his

> > > > limited characteristics become evident and amplified. He feels

> > > > weak, insecure, inferior, angry, unhappy, inadequate,

> > > > distrustful, etc; all the real capacity of a emotionally hurt

> > > > child. As this child matures, especially through adolescence,

> he

> > > > probably wont develop healthy and mature replacements of

> > > > confidence and growth beyond his childish limitations. Instead,

> > > > as a substitute, he builds a fortress, an outward facade/image

> > > > which gives the appearance of competence and security.

> > > >

> > > > As he grows, he can sense his facade and that not much inside

> > > > himself seems real; he therefore begins to feel very empty and

> > > > hollow, even more so than a normal teenager does. This is an

> > > > early and recurring sign that his intellect and his emotions

> are

> > > > way out of sync. His conscious intellect is aware that

> something

> > > > is wrong but he can't control or identify exactly what it is;

> > > > and, unfortunately for the BPD, wont get any better.

> > > >

> > > > If the child/BPD has some external attribute, you will

> generally

> > > > see an exaggerated importance placed on these as part of the

> > > > cover, substitute, and security for his lacking internal

> > > > psychological and emotional maturity. Anything about his

> person,

> > > > 1) physical or intellectual; 2) anything material, anything new

> > > > or lavish; 3) any social ties, especially a number of close

> > > > friends/companions; 4) anything to cling to as foundation or

> > > > fulfillment; all become part of the facade and crutches for

> > > > security.

> > > >

> > > > Since children/teenagers are in constant need of entertainment

> > > > and fun and are exposed to too much of the wrong kind, the BPD

> > > > person will most likely pick up destructive habits as sources

> of

> > > > desperately needed fun and relief. Mind flight and escape

> become

> > > > a very important - even necessary - part of their lives, and

> the

> > > > various sources that produce it also become

> > > > psychological/emotional crutches.

> > > >

> > > > RELATIONSHIPS:

> > > >

> > > > A child initially idolizes his parents; they are wonderful

> > > > superhumans, omnipotent heroes; so the child worships and loves

> > > > them deeply. The child tries to emulate every aspect of these

> > > > people. However, if something happens to damage and breakdown

> > > > the love bond and idealization of his parent, the child feels

> > > > disillusioned, betrayed and lost. He perceives himself as still

> > > > dependent but can no longer depend on his parents, so he tries

> > > > to quickly replace the parent personage by someone else that

> (in

> > > > his eyes) fulfills the superhuman - hero requirements. Until

> > > > this child matures and truly becomes independent, any

> > > > significant other for the rest of his life will have to

> > > > initially either have the perceived superhuman quality or

> > > > provide some degree of circumstantial security.

> > > >

> > > > When a BPD person is an adult (in age anyway) and engages in a

> > > > serious relationship with someone, a relationship that should

> be

> > > > based on mutual adult love and sharing, it isn't long before

> > > > child-like relationship aspects arise and cause problems. The

> > > > BPD person is only capable of limited love but needs endless

> > > > love, the same as what a child expects with a parent. The

> > > > significant other person in this relationship becomes the

> parent

> > > > replacement; available on demand to meet all the personal,

> > > > emotional, and circumstantial needs; but, gets very little deep

> > > > mature love and consideration in return. What this person

> > > > usually experiences in this relationship is what a parent does

> > > > with a child/teenager; 1) sometimes genuine love; 2) sometimes

> > > > casual indifference; 3) sometimes sarcasm, smart-ass attitude,

> > > > picking, provoking, moodiness, and irritability; 4) sometimes

> > > > withdrawal and depression. Part of this behavior comes from

> > > > simple immaturity and part comes from the threat that the

> > > > significant other person represents the capacity to hurt,

> > > > betray, and leave. Any interpersonal stress/contention can

> > > > amplify these mood tendencies. Down deep though, the BPD person

> > > > knows he is still dependent, so no matter how badly he

> mistreats

> > > > his significant other, he doesn't want the other person to

> > > > leave; the same as a child didn't want his parent to leave, in

> > > > spite of how badly the parent mistreated, neglected, or abused

> him.

> > > >

> > > > These are enough examples; I think you get the idea. Debbie,

> you

> > > > can map every BPD aspect in this manner, from the simple more

> > > > obvious to the complex less obvious. I reiterate, they are only

> > > > doing what they know how to do; their behavior is not a collage

> > > > of random elements. Their behavior is primarily based on

> > > > insecurity, fear, and the once severely hurt child-like psyche

> > > > (which is still present now, " trapped " ) is extremely limited

> and

> > > > vulnerable to anything or anyone that is a potential threat.

> > > > These limitations make them a stressful/defensive person with

> > > > three reactionary dimensions. Being frequently stressed or on

> > > > the defense, BPD's 1) overreact to simple stressors; 2) get

> > > > angry or become depressed on moderate stressors; and 3) go into

> > > > panic, rage, or deep depression on what they perceive as

> > > > overwhelming stressors.

> > > >

> > > > Everyone, BPD or not, carries some degree of

> > > > psychological/emotional immaturity into adulthood. The typical

> > > > gap between the intellectual and emotional psyche is usually

> > > > small enough that interpersonal conflicts are infrequent and

> > > > minor; so, the average person can handle these with few serious

> > > > life side consequences. The maturity gap between the

> > > > psychological/emotional and the intellect of a BPD person is

> > > > very wide and pronounced which causes frequent, major

> > > > interpersonal conflicts. Since emotional responses are

> > > > reactionary, all you need is an confrontation between a BPD and

> > > > someone else or a circumstantial problem, add an extra

> emotional

> > > > stressing stimulus, and then look out. Depending on the degree

> > > > of the stressor, you will see the child-like response from the

> > > > BPD corresponding to the kind and degree described above.

> > > >

> > > > The mental health community speculates on chemical imbalance

> and

> > > > genetics as the origin of BPD. Although these may be

> influential

> > > > factors, more so in one individual than another, I still think

> > > > it is more a developmental miscarriage than anything else. I

> > > > seriously doubt that it is possible to do a chemical or

> > > > neurological test on one of these people and find anything but

> > > > an imbalance. BPD'S have experienced some kind of

> stress/anxiety

> > > > every day for years. While it is beneficial to treat the

> > > > imbalances and provide temporary relief, the cure remains to

> > > > help these people with the insight and counseling that leads to

> > > > a healthy restructuring/reprogramming of the emotional psyche.

> I

> > > > am aware of several undiagnosed people who have over the years

> > > > outgrown the symptoms and behavior. It stands to reason that

> > > > life-side experience will eventually dispel childish concepts

> > > > and close the gap. It also stands to reason that the greater

> the

> > > > gap, or lack of its awareness, the longer it will take. The

> > > > tragedy is that BPD people usually ruin their lives and many

> > > > around them before they grow out of it. I can also say that I

> > > > know a few that are quite old and still manifest BPD behavior;

> > > > but, they are in absolute denial.

> > > >

> > > > A BPD person essentially is the child they once were, including

> > > > their age and complete psycho/emotional content resulting from

> a

> > > > traumatic experience/loss; the most traumatic loss of all - the

> > > > perceived loss of nurturing love. Love is a general, pervasive

> > > > and necessary psychological requirement. If fear, repression or

> > > > some other psychic mechanism interrupts the nurturing realized

> > > > by love, the result is a general breakdown or failure, a

> > > > cessation of emotional growth and maturation. When the

> > > > subconscious psyche is accessed for behavioral reference and

> the

> > > > feelings necessary for relationships, it brings up the latest

> > > > version. Unfortunately for BPD's, the latest version hasn't

> been

> > > > updated/modified for many years; it isn't adult, mature or

> > > > healthy. For a child/adult who suffers from this, their lives

> > > > are subject to this condition and will be until they can

> > > > understand and overcome it.

> > > >

> > > > Permission granted by author who wishes to remain anonymous.

> > > >

> > > > Posted at:

> > > > http://www.mhsanctuary.com/borderline/anon.htm

> > > >

> > > > >>

> > >

> > > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> > > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be

> ordered via

> > 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

> > > http://www.BPDCentral.com

> > >

April 16, 2004