Guest guest Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 Hi Gail, I really feel for you. I too have a BPbrother who's living with Nada. It's really hard but I decided my best plan of action is to stay completely out of it. There's a huge part of me that wants to help but you know what, my help wasn't appreciated and it was twisted around like I was trying to gain something from the situation. So for me I decided the best thing I can do is take care of my self. Some people have to really hit rock bottom before they will realize there's something wrong and I think with my brother anyway if he doesn't get it by his dealings with his family than society is going to have to teach him a lesson. It's just so hard to watch people you love doing this to themselves. But I have to be here for my children and I cannot get dragged down with their problems. It seems your mom is reaching out somewhat though which makes this a little different. Is there someway to find out from her what she really wants from you? Do you think she's just trying to hoover you in and not want any real help? What is it that you think you can really do to help? Often, I find the answer to that question helps me a lot because, I realize I really don't have control over any of this. If my Nada wants to stand up to BPbrother than she has to be the one to do it. I can't do it for her. I don't know if any of this helps. . . cntbreathe > > > Hi everyone, I need some advice. My brother is the bp who ran his car off the > road and blamed the suicide attempt on me, we've been no contact since > May. Mom is a higher functioning bp, and he's lived with her for several > years, doing an awesome imitation of a human sponge with a really big ego > who brags about everything he is going to do and be one day. (he's 37). We > suspected he was using methamphetamines, which he confessed to mom > back in Dec, when she decided she'd try to help him get off them so he could > join the merchant marines (which I tried to tell my mother he was NEVER > going to do; he's had about 10000 plans that he never carried through). Well, > he told her Saturday night that he could not go in the marines, even though > he's had the physical and been planning this for 4 months, because he > couldn't stand to be cooped up that long. Mom finally confronted him about > never finishing anything, and he went into a rage, saying she had destroyed > his self-esteem by saying things like that, and that it was her fault he was like > he was, and that she was a mean old lady who was going to die of cancer. > (And a whole lot of really ugly curse words in between). Then within 30 > minutes he lightly apologized for saying those things to her, and said he was > going out for a little while. > The next time she heard from him was last night, he was arrested and > charged with 3 felonies, including possession of meth. He has called her > collect 6 times today, begging her to get him out of there, to borrow money > from their bible study group ( 2 other people, neither one with any money), > and to call distant relatives for financial assistance. > My problem is this: she keeps asking me what to do, and saying she doesn't > want to live like this anymore, she wants him out of her life so he can have > some peace and be happy for a few years, and not to have him bleed her > completely dry like I had warned her he would do. I have begged her to leave > him in there two or three months, and my uncle has advised her to do the > same thing. But I know my mom, and she's going to bail him out so he can > threaten her again, even though she fears for her life when he starts raging or > using meth or both. How can I help her strengthen her resolve? Establishing > no contact has been the best thing I could have done for myself, I am finally > starting to think like a sane person, but how do you persuade a mother to turn > her back on her son? He's killing himself, and endangering others, including > my mom, and and and... you know what, the more I read this as I write, the > more I realize this is just my wishful thinking..... she will bail him out, probably > tomorrow, and he'll move right back in, and they'll be right back where they > were, and nothing will really change until he dies. I'm still in their loop, aren't > I? because I can't complete let go. He's my brother, and I can keep hoping > she'll get tired of it, but she'll never get far enough past the guilt to do anything > but 'help' him, and I'll keep getting my hopes up that this time she'll do > something different, this time she'll stand up to him, this time she'll let him face > the consequences of his actions. > Is there anything I can do to help shore my mother up to face him without > giving in to his pleading and crying? I want to take care of myself, I've come > so far since last year, and I could have predicted this next crisis right down to > the week, so I've been preparing, but I didn't know my mother would appear to > be getting so close to standing up to him, and it's given me hope! Is there > anything else I can do besides stand by and watch her rescue him again??? > Arggghhhhh I don't know if I should be doing ANYTHING!!! > Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 Hi Gail, I really feel for you. I too have a BPbrother who's living with Nada. It's really hard but I decided my best plan of action is to stay completely out of it. There's a huge part of me that wants to help but you know what, my help wasn't appreciated and it was twisted around like I was trying to gain something from the situation. So for me I decided the best thing I can do is take care of my self. Some people have to really hit rock bottom before they will realize there's something wrong and I think with my brother anyway if he doesn't get it by his dealings with his family than society is going to have to teach him a lesson. It's just so hard to watch people you love doing this to themselves. But I have to be here for my children and I cannot get dragged down with their problems. It seems your mom is reaching out somewhat though which makes this a little different. Is there someway to find out from her what she really wants from you? Do you think she's just trying to hoover you in and not want any real help? What is it that you think you can really do to help? Often, I find the answer to that question helps me a lot because, I realize I really don't have control over any of this. If my Nada wants to stand up to BPbrother than she has to be the one to do it. I can't do it for her. I don't know if any of this helps. . . cntbreathe > > > Hi everyone, I need some advice. My brother is the bp who ran his car off the > road and blamed the suicide attempt on me, we've been no contact since > May. Mom is a higher functioning bp, and he's lived with her for several > years, doing an awesome imitation of a human sponge with a really big ego > who brags about everything he is going to do and be one day. (he's 37). We > suspected he was using methamphetamines, which he confessed to mom > back in Dec, when she decided she'd try to help him get off them so he could > join the merchant marines (which I tried to tell my mother he was NEVER > going to do; he's had about 10000 plans that he never carried through). Well, > he told her Saturday night that he could not go in the marines, even though > he's had the physical and been planning this for 4 months, because he > couldn't stand to be cooped up that long. Mom finally confronted him about > never finishing anything, and he went into a rage, saying she had destroyed > his self-esteem by saying things like that, and that it was her fault he was like > he was, and that she was a mean old lady who was going to die of cancer. > (And a whole lot of really ugly curse words in between). Then within 30 > minutes he lightly apologized for saying those things to her, and said he was > going out for a little while. > The next time she heard from him was last night, he was arrested and > charged with 3 felonies, including possession of meth. He has called her > collect 6 times today, begging her to get him out of there, to borrow money > from their bible study group ( 2 other people, neither one with any money), > and to call distant relatives for financial assistance. > My problem is this: she keeps asking me what to do, and saying she doesn't > want to live like this anymore, she wants him out of her life so he can have > some peace and be happy for a few years, and not to have him bleed her > completely dry like I had warned her he would do. I have begged her to leave > him in there two or three months, and my uncle has advised her to do the > same thing. But I know my mom, and she's going to bail him out so he can > threaten her again, even though she fears for her life when he starts raging or > using meth or both. How can I help her strengthen her resolve? Establishing > no contact has been the best thing I could have done for myself, I am finally > starting to think like a sane person, but how do you persuade a mother to turn > her back on her son? He's killing himself, and endangering others, including > my mom, and and and... you know what, the more I read this as I write, the > more I realize this is just my wishful thinking..... she will bail him out, probably > tomorrow, and he'll move right back in, and they'll be right back where they > were, and nothing will really change until he dies. I'm still in their loop, aren't > I? because I can't complete let go. He's my brother, and I can keep hoping > she'll get tired of it, but she'll never get far enough past the guilt to do anything > but 'help' him, and I'll keep getting my hopes up that this time she'll do > something different, this time she'll stand up to him, this time she'll let him face > the consequences of his actions. > Is there anything I can do to help shore my mother up to face him without > giving in to his pleading and crying? I want to take care of myself, I've come > so far since last year, and I could have predicted this next crisis right down to > the week, so I've been preparing, but I didn't know my mother would appear to > be getting so close to standing up to him, and it's given me hope! Is there > anything else I can do besides stand by and watch her rescue him again??? > Arggghhhhh I don't know if I should be doing ANYTHING!!! > Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 ........> The next time she heard from him was last night, he was arrested and > charged with 3 felonies, including possession of meth. He has called her > collect 6 times today, begging her to get him out of there, to borrow money > from their bible study group ( 2 other people, neither one with any money), > and to call distant relatives for financial assistance. > My problem is this: she keeps asking me what to do, and saying she doesn't > want to live like this anymore, she wants him out of her life so he can have > some peace and be happy for a few years, and not to have him bleed her > completely dry like I had warned her he would do. I have begged her to leave > him in there two or three months, and my uncle has advised her to do the > same thing. But I know my mom, and she's going to bail him out so he can > threaten her again, even though she fears for her life when he starts raging or > using meth or both. How can I help her strengthen her resolve? Establishing > no contact has been the best thing I could have done for myself, I am finally > starting to think like a sane person, but how do you persuade a mother to turn > her back on her son? He's killing himself, and endangering others, including > my mom, and and and... you know what, the more I read this as I write, the > more I realize this is just my wishful thinking..... she will bail him out, probably > tomorrow, and he'll move right back in, and they'll be right back where they > were, and nothing will really change until he dies. I'm still in their loop, aren't > I? because I can't complete let go. He's my brother, and I can keep hoping > she'll get tired of it, but she'll never get far enough past the guilt to do anything > but 'help' him, and I'll keep getting my hopes up that this time she'll do > something different, this time she'll stand up to him, this time she'll let him face > the consequences of his actions. > Is there anything I can do to help shore my mother up to face him without > giving in to his pleading and crying? I want to take care of myself, I've come > so far since last year, and I could have predicted this next crisis right down to > the week, so I've been preparing, but I didn't know my mother would appear to > be getting so close to standing up to him, and it's given me hope! Is there > anything else I can do besides stand by and watch her rescue him again??? > Arggghhhhh I don't know if I should be doing ANYTHING!!! > Gail *****Hi Gail, Sorry to hear about what is happening here. There is definitely one thing you should be doing - keep on taking care of yourself. I think you are right that you are still 'in there loop', but you can get yourself out of it. I understand the wishful thinking. It is one of my own biggest obstacles. I am not sure your mother is really trying to stand up to him. And I am concerned that if she does bail him out, that she will then start to focus on you. So I am suggesting that you think about how you want to handle this possible situation, and if you do talk to your mother, include a boundary that will protect you from getting sucked into her life as brother's substitute. You could just tell her very succinctly what you think of the situation, and leave it at that. There is absolutely nothing wrong in that. I think this may be the 'best' way. I believe you have already had discussions with her, and there just may not be anything new to add to the situation. If you want to get more invoved, then plan to talk to her and give her some advice. (Practice what you want to say, even write down the important points and take them with you. - I tell people that I do this to make sure I don't forget anything because it is such an important conversation.) If you have the book 'Stop Walking on Eggshells', check out the sections on how to talk to BPDs. That could help too. After you know exactly what you want to say, deliver your message in a very calm, soft spoken manner. Explain what you think she should do, and why. Tell her you can only imagine how difficult this is for her, but that bailing him out doesn't seem to be helping him, because he never has to own up to the consequences. Also tell your mom what you are going to do if she doesn't bail him out, and if she does bail him out (just for the record, and so you have your own boundaries established). Try to make the conversation as short as possible. Say what you want to say, and then don't say anything more. Let her know that this is her decision to make, and if you know of any other avenues of emotional support for her, include them. (Again, so that she doesn't now turn to you to fill in the gap.) After saying all this, leave. IMHO, you will have then done all you can. These people are adults, and they are all responsible for their own behavior. Everyone needs help at times, but you have to remember who and what you are dealing with too. In spite of the need and the problem, you are still dealing with people who have BPD, and their thinking and actions are controlled by that. You will probably still be a puppet used to meet their own needs, and so you still have to look out for yourself. I hope you will be soon feeling better about all of this, and can resume your own life. Take care, Sylvia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 ........> The next time she heard from him was last night, he was arrested and > charged with 3 felonies, including possession of meth. He has called her > collect 6 times today, begging her to get him out of there, to borrow money > from their bible study group ( 2 other people, neither one with any money), > and to call distant relatives for financial assistance. > My problem is this: she keeps asking me what to do, and saying she doesn't > want to live like this anymore, she wants him out of her life so he can have > some peace and be happy for a few years, and not to have him bleed her > completely dry like I had warned her he would do. I have begged her to leave > him in there two or three months, and my uncle has advised her to do the > same thing. But I know my mom, and she's going to bail him out so he can > threaten her again, even though she fears for her life when he starts raging or > using meth or both. How can I help her strengthen her resolve? Establishing > no contact has been the best thing I could have done for myself, I am finally > starting to think like a sane person, but how do you persuade a mother to turn > her back on her son? He's killing himself, and endangering others, including > my mom, and and and... you know what, the more I read this as I write, the > more I realize this is just my wishful thinking..... she will bail him out, probably > tomorrow, and he'll move right back in, and they'll be right back where they > were, and nothing will really change until he dies. I'm still in their loop, aren't > I? because I can't complete let go. He's my brother, and I can keep hoping > she'll get tired of it, but she'll never get far enough past the guilt to do anything > but 'help' him, and I'll keep getting my hopes up that this time she'll do > something different, this time she'll stand up to him, this time she'll let him face > the consequences of his actions. > Is there anything I can do to help shore my mother up to face him without > giving in to his pleading and crying? I want to take care of myself, I've come > so far since last year, and I could have predicted this next crisis right down to > the week, so I've been preparing, but I didn't know my mother would appear to > be getting so close to standing up to him, and it's given me hope! Is there > anything else I can do besides stand by and watch her rescue him again??? > Arggghhhhh I don't know if I should be doing ANYTHING!!! > Gail *****Hi Gail, Sorry to hear about what is happening here. There is definitely one thing you should be doing - keep on taking care of yourself. I think you are right that you are still 'in there loop', but you can get yourself out of it. I understand the wishful thinking. It is one of my own biggest obstacles. I am not sure your mother is really trying to stand up to him. And I am concerned that if she does bail him out, that she will then start to focus on you. So I am suggesting that you think about how you want to handle this possible situation, and if you do talk to your mother, include a boundary that will protect you from getting sucked into her life as brother's substitute. You could just tell her very succinctly what you think of the situation, and leave it at that. There is absolutely nothing wrong in that. I think this may be the 'best' way. I believe you have already had discussions with her, and there just may not be anything new to add to the situation. If you want to get more invoved, then plan to talk to her and give her some advice. (Practice what you want to say, even write down the important points and take them with you. - I tell people that I do this to make sure I don't forget anything because it is such an important conversation.) If you have the book 'Stop Walking on Eggshells', check out the sections on how to talk to BPDs. That could help too. After you know exactly what you want to say, deliver your message in a very calm, soft spoken manner. Explain what you think she should do, and why. Tell her you can only imagine how difficult this is for her, but that bailing him out doesn't seem to be helping him, because he never has to own up to the consequences. Also tell your mom what you are going to do if she doesn't bail him out, and if she does bail him out (just for the record, and so you have your own boundaries established). Try to make the conversation as short as possible. Say what you want to say, and then don't say anything more. Let her know that this is her decision to make, and if you know of any other avenues of emotional support for her, include them. (Again, so that she doesn't now turn to you to fill in the gap.) After saying all this, leave. IMHO, you will have then done all you can. These people are adults, and they are all responsible for their own behavior. Everyone needs help at times, but you have to remember who and what you are dealing with too. In spite of the need and the problem, you are still dealing with people who have BPD, and their thinking and actions are controlled by that. You will probably still be a puppet used to meet their own needs, and so you still have to look out for yourself. I hope you will be soon feeling better about all of this, and can resume your own life. Take care, Sylvia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 " I'm still in their loop, aren't I? because I can't complete let go. " >>>>>>>>Gail, you are in their loop, but you don't have to be. I know it is SO hard to get out of the insanity, but you deserve a happy and free life. " Is there anything else I can do besides stand by and watch her rescue him again??? " >>>>>>>YES - do not stand by and watch. Stop standing there. Stop watching. I'm not saying this is easy, but these are TWO BPs!!! I don't know what you should do specifically, but try to remember that there ARE options. You can continue to take your mother's calls OR You can take the calls and not give her advice OR You can stop taking the calls altogether. No matter what, an option exists where you are no longer in such pain and turmoil. It is NOT your job to fix them. - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 I'm sorry your feeling so confused by all of this Gail, When my sister was hurt in an accident, and even though she had not talked to me in over 4 years I still rushed to her side, only to be kicked in the face after. This is what I have learned, STANDING BACK IS HARD BUT SOMETIMES NECESSARY. As a child grows and learns to walk, a parent learns to stand back. The child will take a few steps, plop down onto his butt and if he crys a little the parent goes and comforts the little one and then helps the child back up to try again. After a time the child LEARNS to pull HIMSELF up. Like I've told my children, " My responsibilty to you is to teach you the laws of the land and the rules of the house. I do this because I love you. If I've done my job right then you've learned to be as responsible for yourselves and you care about yourselves enough to continue on your own. If you do something and end up in jail or, god forbid, worse...you did so on your own with no help from me. Now ..I will always love you, that goes without saying, but if you got yourselves into that sort of mess you will have to get yourselves out, again with no help from me. " Standing back is hard!! If your nada decides to help him out then she is like the parent who is standing with her arms around the child while he struggles to walk never allowing him to fall, learn, and pull HIMSELF back up. How involved you get with this is up to you! You've learned to fall and pull YOURSELF back up, you've come a long way from where you've started!...;0) And remember, no matter what your decision is, as far as the foo is concerned, it'll never be right! If your decision is to stand back...your NOT being selfish, your surviving! Your pulling YOURSELF up! No matter what your decision is...Take care of yourself kiddo! Warm thoughts to you girl! gail wrote: Hi everyone, I need some advice. My brother is the bp who ran his car off the road and blamed the suicide attempt on me, we've been no contact since May. Mom is a higher functioning bp, and he's lived with her for several years, doing an awesome imitation of a human sponge with a really big ego who brags about everything he is going to do and be one day. (he's 37). We suspected he was using methamphetamines, which he confessed to mom back in Dec, when she decided she'd try to help him get off them so he could join the merchant marines (which I tried to tell my mother he was NEVER going to do; he's had about 10000 plans that he never carried through). Well, he told her Saturday night that he could not go in the marines, even though he's had the physical and been planning this for 4 months, because he couldn't stand to be cooped up that long. Mom finally confronted him about never finishing anything, and he went into a rage, saying she had destroyed his self-esteem by saying things like that, and that it was her fault he was like he was, and that she was a mean old lady who was going to die of cancer. (And a whole lot of really ugly curse words in between). Then within 30 minutes he lightly apologized for saying those things to her, and said he was going out for a little while. The next time she heard from him was last night, he was arrested and charged with 3 felonies, including possession of meth. He has called her collect 6 times today, begging her to get him out of there, to borrow money from their bible study group ( 2 other people, neither one with any money), and to call distant relatives for financial assistance. My problem is this: she keeps asking me what to do, and saying she doesn't want to live like this anymore, she wants him out of her life so he can have some peace and be happy for a few years, and not to have him bleed her completely dry like I had warned her he would do. I have begged her to leave him in there two or three months, and my uncle has advised her to do the same thing. But I know my mom, and she's going to bail him out so he can threaten her again, even though she fears for her life when he starts raging or using meth or both. How can I help her strengthen her resolve? Establishing no contact has been the best thing I could have done for myself, I am finally starting to think like a sane person, but how do you persuade a mother to turn her back on her son? He's killing himself, and endangering others, including my mom, and and and... you know what, the more I read this as I write, the more I realize this is just my wishful thinking..... she will bail him out, probably tomorrow, and he'll move right back in, and they'll be right back where they were, and nothing will really change until he dies. I'm still in their loop, aren't I? because I can't complete let go. He's my brother, and I can keep hoping she'll get tired of it, but she'll never get far enough past the guilt to do anything but 'help' him, and I'll keep getting my hopes up that this time she'll do something different, this time she'll stand up to him, this time she'll let him face the consequences of his actions. Is there anything I can do to help shore my mother up to face him without giving in to his pleading and crying? I want to take care of myself, I've come so far since last year, and I could have predicted this next crisis right down to the week, so I've been preparing, but I didn't know my mother would appear to be getting so close to standing up to him, and it's given me hope! Is there anything else I can do besides stand by and watch her rescue him again??? Arggghhhhh I don't know if I should be doing ANYTHING!!! Gail Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: http://www.BPDCentral.com --------------------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 I'm sorry your feeling so confused by all of this Gail, When my sister was hurt in an accident, and even though she had not talked to me in over 4 years I still rushed to her side, only to be kicked in the face after. This is what I have learned, STANDING BACK IS HARD BUT SOMETIMES NECESSARY. As a child grows and learns to walk, a parent learns to stand back. The child will take a few steps, plop down onto his butt and if he crys a little the parent goes and comforts the little one and then helps the child back up to try again. After a time the child LEARNS to pull HIMSELF up. Like I've told my children, " My responsibilty to you is to teach you the laws of the land and the rules of the house. I do this because I love you. If I've done my job right then you've learned to be as responsible for yourselves and you care about yourselves enough to continue on your own. If you do something and end up in jail or, god forbid, worse...you did so on your own with no help from me. Now ..I will always love you, that goes without saying, but if you got yourselves into that sort of mess you will have to get yourselves out, again with no help from me. " Standing back is hard!! If your nada decides to help him out then she is like the parent who is standing with her arms around the child while he struggles to walk never allowing him to fall, learn, and pull HIMSELF back up. How involved you get with this is up to you! You've learned to fall and pull YOURSELF back up, you've come a long way from where you've started!...;0) And remember, no matter what your decision is, as far as the foo is concerned, it'll never be right! If your decision is to stand back...your NOT being selfish, your surviving! Your pulling YOURSELF up! No matter what your decision is...Take care of yourself kiddo! Warm thoughts to you girl! gail wrote: Hi everyone, I need some advice. My brother is the bp who ran his car off the road and blamed the suicide attempt on me, we've been no contact since May. Mom is a higher functioning bp, and he's lived with her for several years, doing an awesome imitation of a human sponge with a really big ego who brags about everything he is going to do and be one day. (he's 37). We suspected he was using methamphetamines, which he confessed to mom back in Dec, when she decided she'd try to help him get off them so he could join the merchant marines (which I tried to tell my mother he was NEVER going to do; he's had about 10000 plans that he never carried through). Well, he told her Saturday night that he could not go in the marines, even though he's had the physical and been planning this for 4 months, because he couldn't stand to be cooped up that long. Mom finally confronted him about never finishing anything, and he went into a rage, saying she had destroyed his self-esteem by saying things like that, and that it was her fault he was like he was, and that she was a mean old lady who was going to die of cancer. (And a whole lot of really ugly curse words in between). Then within 30 minutes he lightly apologized for saying those things to her, and said he was going out for a little while. The next time she heard from him was last night, he was arrested and charged with 3 felonies, including possession of meth. He has called her collect 6 times today, begging her to get him out of there, to borrow money from their bible study group ( 2 other people, neither one with any money), and to call distant relatives for financial assistance. My problem is this: she keeps asking me what to do, and saying she doesn't want to live like this anymore, she wants him out of her life so he can have some peace and be happy for a few years, and not to have him bleed her completely dry like I had warned her he would do. I have begged her to leave him in there two or three months, and my uncle has advised her to do the same thing. But I know my mom, and she's going to bail him out so he can threaten her again, even though she fears for her life when he starts raging or using meth or both. How can I help her strengthen her resolve? Establishing no contact has been the best thing I could have done for myself, I am finally starting to think like a sane person, but how do you persuade a mother to turn her back on her son? He's killing himself, and endangering others, including my mom, and and and... you know what, the more I read this as I write, the more I realize this is just my wishful thinking..... she will bail him out, probably tomorrow, and he'll move right back in, and they'll be right back where they were, and nothing will really change until he dies. I'm still in their loop, aren't I? because I can't complete let go. He's my brother, and I can keep hoping she'll get tired of it, but she'll never get far enough past the guilt to do anything but 'help' him, and I'll keep getting my hopes up that this time she'll do something different, this time she'll stand up to him, this time she'll let him face the consequences of his actions. Is there anything I can do to help shore my mother up to face him without giving in to his pleading and crying? I want to take care of myself, I've come so far since last year, and I could have predicted this next crisis right down to the week, so I've been preparing, but I didn't know my mother would appear to be getting so close to standing up to him, and it's given me hope! Is there anything else I can do besides stand by and watch her rescue him again??? Arggghhhhh I don't know if I should be doing ANYTHING!!! Gail Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: http://www.BPDCentral.com --------------------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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