Hello - New Here

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I've just joined the group and have read a few of the posts. I'm

trying to get some information about what to do about my current

situation with my mother.

One question: What does Nada stand for?

I'm 35, female and have recently come to realize that my mother most

likely has BPD. She and I haven't spoken in over a year, due to her

belief that I was attempting to poison her with a Thanksgiving turkey

(everyone else ate it and they are still alive and well). Sounds

crazy ...well it is.

Since she decided not to speak to me ever again (I assume it's so that

she can feel like she is in control of the relationship), my life is

so much better and more peaceful. In the past I'd apologize even

though I knew I didn't do anything wrong just so we could have peace

and make her fragile feelings better. Now I've given up on her and

don't try to make contact.

After reading a book about Surving a Borderline Mother, I was

convinced that this is the reason my life and relationship with my

mother was a living hell for as long as I can remember. Mostly, I

feel as if my father got the bum wrap all these years. She has always

blamed his alcoholism for all of her problems. When he died when I

was 17, I was at fault for everything else. Since, my mother can never

be wrong and is ALWAYS the victim, she's sought help for being a

co-dependent. I doubt she's ever get help for being the cause of her

own problems. That would mean she'd have to admit fault.

I am so relieved to know that my mother has an illness and does not

just act like she does with me for no reason. It's helped me come to

terms with our estrangement. I was raised to believe that I was the

biggest bitch and the most evil daughter known to man. Although, I've

had a very successful life and now have a fabulous marriage and my own

happy family, inside I still fight the low self-esteem I carried with

me for most of my life. Sadly I'll always feel a small hole in my

heart where my mother is missing .. but I'd rather have that than a

completely shatterd heart with her in my life.

Sorry for venting, but I just needed to get it out. I'm not sure what

to do next other than live my life. If anyone has any suggestions for

coping, I'd love to hear them.

ABR