I may explode.

[Guest guest]

omg, so i am still at Ed's, and until i move back home this weekend, am limiting

contact with nada so that she knows the move back home is not out of a desire to

be near her, but to have room to spread out until we buy a bigger home together.

So last night she called me, her normal work call and evening call, and i did

not answer the phone. So i knew that she would be calling me as soon as she

awoke this morning at work. No way to screen the call since my phone does not

have caller id at work. So this is how it went :

nada- " hi its just me, um i was in the bathroom and the phone rang so i thought

it mightve been you "

( translation- why havent you called me!!!)

me- nope, wasnt me.

nada- " Oh well i am going to be out and about so in case you need to reach me

call my cell "

( translation- Here's my sad excuse for calling you and bothering you at work,

and stepping over an already set boundary)

Me: ok. Is zachs room cleaned out so i can move my dresser in there?

Nada: siiigh.. i can't do anything until we get the dumpster so i can throw out

alot of the sutff..and you said you would help "

Me: no, i did not.

Nada- YEs you did!!!!

Me: Call you later, gotta go.

nada: Siigh ok.

See, i should have seen this coming, i cannot believe i didnt,.. that she was

going to use this to hold over my head so that i cannot have my room that i have

been working 24/7 for two weeks on to make it my dream room until i move out. I

KNEW IT~!!!!! I cannot move in until my dresser is out of there ( its huge) and

she iis not going to move it so that all of my painting and sanding and hard

cleaning work has gone to pot- god i cannot tell you guys how much i hate her

right now !!!! She is so damn jealous of me having a CLEAN spotless neat

beautiful space that she is going crazy!!!! Any advice on how not to kill her???

how do i deal with this? i think im going to literallycall her and go off on her

ass. please you guys tell me what i should do to handle this and get her

good!!!!!( iknow thats wrong but i need to!!!!)

t00busy2 wrote:

>

>

> i_need_elbowroom <i_need_elbowroom@y...> wrote:

>

> Hi All,

>

> Wanted to get a little feedback.

> ..........

She has a lot of

> problems with nada too - but wants her children to have a

> relationship with nada because they love her - so she makes an

effort

> to invite nada to family functions.

>

> I have been working in therapy on me and my feelings of anger

toward

> nada - but I'm still very angry and can't relax around nada. I'm

> afraid my presence will make the atmosphere tense. I'm leaning

> towards not going - but the other part of me thinks - why

shouldn't I

> go. If I don't go - I am still giving nada all the power - as I

am

> allowing her to keep me from something I want to do.

I understand exactly what you're going through. I have no contact

with my nada anymore but I am trying to maintain some relationship

between her and my 2 sons. For about 6 years now, she has not been

included in the " family " birthday dinner (just my husband, 2

children and me at a local Japanese restaurant). She asked if she

could be included this year and although I didn't want her to come

along, I left the decision totally up to the son who was having the

birthday. It was his 16th birthday.

My son told her it would be alright if she met us at the restaurant

and although my nada doesn't like Japanese food, she agreed to

come. Two days later, she called my son up and told him that she

didn't want to go to that restaurant and wanted to take him out by

himself to celebrate his birthday. He told her he was too busy and

couldn't ( he really just didn't want to be alone with her). Her

response (typical) was that he obviously didn't love her anymore and

she guessed she wouldn't probably see him for at least one more year

and she hoped he had a good life. After he managed to calm her

down, she agreed to meet us at the restaurant.

I really thought I could handle her being there. We put her between

my husband and (birthday) son. Well, to make a long story short,

obviously I couldn't. I said very little during the entire evening,

and when she spoke to me at all I know I was very defensive.

Needless to say we all had a miserable time and I blame myself for

letting her get to me.

Every year we have a picture taken of us at the table. My son is

very sentimental about this and likes to see how we have all changed

over the years. All the pictures in the past show that we are

having a great time. This year, my nada has a huge frown on her

face and the rest of us look like we're forcing a smile. For the

first time ever, my son doen't want to display his birthday

picture. He even asked if we could go out again to another

restaurant because he had such a miserable time this year.

Although I blame myself for the atmosphere that night, my son says

that he doesn't. My nada directed most of the conversation to him

that night and the majority of it was gossip tearing down friends of

his and other people we know. He said he felt isolated from my

husband and me (his little brother was sitting next to him) and just

really wanted to have a " fun " time with us like we usually do. I

guess I should take that as a complement from a 16 year old boy who

most of the time I think could care less if we're even in the same

room.

At this point in time I just feel like I don't have that much time

left with my oldest son. Soon he'll be off to college. I resent

that when my mother is included in family get togethers, we all end

up having such a miserable time.

She wants us to spend Easter together (her treat). I've decided to

make arrangements for my husband, 2 boys and me to do something fun

out of town this year instead! At least now I can honestly say that

we're not available.

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