Guest guest Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 > I'd rather not hear I > love you. I'd rather be treated with respect and consideration and > caring. Right on. > Also, keeping stuff to myself. It's so sad because there are so many positive things I never share with Nada or NP dad because I just don't want them ruined. My best friend and I call that the " poo finger. " " Oh, you got a new job you love? That is so great, for you, cause ya'll have such a different lifestyle from us, the paycut is fine. Its so great for you. Love you! " They congratulate you with just a little dab of poo on their finger. >Than I feel bad, I feel bad for them but Nada doesn't want to hear the good things anyway. It feels like a betrayal sometimes to keep things from them, but the normal parents I know are glad their kids keep stuff from them. They want their kids to go out and have their own lives. Yeah, on the nada's not liking the good things, after all, if you have something good then they are losing the competition. Being positive > around her is just asking for trouble! About your own life, that doesn't involve her? Surely not! Ivory Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 > I'd rather not hear I > love you. I'd rather be treated with respect and consideration and > caring. Right on. > Also, keeping stuff to myself. It's so sad because there are so many positive things I never share with Nada or NP dad because I just don't want them ruined. My best friend and I call that the " poo finger. " " Oh, you got a new job you love? That is so great, for you, cause ya'll have such a different lifestyle from us, the paycut is fine. Its so great for you. Love you! " They congratulate you with just a little dab of poo on their finger. >Than I feel bad, I feel bad for them but Nada doesn't want to hear the good things anyway. It feels like a betrayal sometimes to keep things from them, but the normal parents I know are glad their kids keep stuff from them. They want their kids to go out and have their own lives. Yeah, on the nada's not liking the good things, after all, if you have something good then they are losing the competition. Being positive > around her is just asking for trouble! About your own life, that doesn't involve her? Surely not! Ivory Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 > I'd rather not hear I > love you. I'd rather be treated with respect and consideration and > caring. Right on. > Also, keeping stuff to myself. It's so sad because there are so many positive things I never share with Nada or NP dad because I just don't want them ruined. My best friend and I call that the " poo finger. " " Oh, you got a new job you love? That is so great, for you, cause ya'll have such a different lifestyle from us, the paycut is fine. Its so great for you. Love you! " They congratulate you with just a little dab of poo on their finger. >Than I feel bad, I feel bad for them but Nada doesn't want to hear the good things anyway. It feels like a betrayal sometimes to keep things from them, but the normal parents I know are glad their kids keep stuff from them. They want their kids to go out and have their own lives. Yeah, on the nada's not liking the good things, after all, if you have something good then they are losing the competition. Being positive > around her is just asking for trouble! About your own life, that doesn't involve her? Surely not! Ivory Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 > I heard my nada talking to a friend of hers a few months back. Not > a 'great' friend, but one she works with. Well, I think in about 5 > minutes of the conversation, my nada had said " Oh, I love you... I > just love you so much... " about 4 times!!! And very dramatic and > fakey.... Ewwwwwwww! doing the icky shivers for you. > Through therapy, and my recent revelation that she HAS BPD, I now > know why I will not believe or take a compliment to be true from > anyone. My husband gets so irritated when he tells me I look good, > or how he feels, I kind of blow it off, or point out some 'flaw' he > might have missed. Certainly, NO ONE could REALLY love me. Because I heard fake " I love yous, " And fake " You are beautifuls " and > fake " You are such a wonderful daughter " so many times, that I don't believe it when it is said in truth! > How sad for you! > > And yes, sharing is extremely difficult. Opeing up your heart to > someone, only to have it trampled on is one thing. But having your > innermost thoughts and feelings crushed by your own mom or dad.. > whew. Thats a tough pill to swallow. Trust issues galore.... > KC That and we often re-experience that pain over and over by choosing unstable people as friends, boyfriends, SO, mentors etc. Makes us not trust the world. But there really are nice people out there who mean something nice when they say it. Ivory Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 > Oh..I hear you on this one. If I am trying to talk about how I feel, > or what I think, or what my experience is...why do people have the > need to try to make me " wrong " or not hear me. Don't know about you, but I invite it. I offer up my " reasoning " as part of the disclosure. > Must a person be " right " to deserve being heard? Nope, just have to learn to make friends with people who don't suck....or people who periodically suck but you have a way to communicate to them that this is not the time to suck and you need them to focus on you. > I used to be in a relationship where we were constantly arguing over my " right to be heard and listened to. " I felt drained and miserable much of the time. Way to go on the " used to be " part of that relationship. > I'm much happier in my life now. To me, even being thought " wrong " is better than being dismissed. YUP! Ivory Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 Hi Ivory, I like the poo finger! It's true,it's true, they manage to muck it up somehow! You know I knew it was normal for healthy kids to keep things from thier parents. But somehow I never thaought it applied to me. Gee I wonder why? Because I've been living in crazy Nada land for years!!! Thanks so much for the perspective. It's amazing how when I'm in the middle of something I just don't seem to have any! cntbreathe > > I'd rather not hear I > > love you. I'd rather be treated with respect and consideration and > > caring. > > Right on. > > > Also, keeping stuff to myself. It's so sad because there are so > many positive things I never share with Nada or NP dad because I just > don't want them ruined. > > My best friend and I call that the " poo finger. " " Oh, you got a new > job you love? That is so great, for you, cause ya'll have such a > different lifestyle from us, the paycut is fine. Its so great for > you. Love you! " They congratulate you with just a little dab of poo > on their finger. > > >Than I feel bad, I feel bad for them but Nada doesn't want to hear > the good things anyway. > > It feels like a betrayal sometimes to keep things from them, but the > normal parents I know are glad their kids keep stuff from them. > They want their kids to go out and have their own lives. > > Yeah, on the nada's not liking the good things, after all, if you > have something good then they are losing the competition. > > Being positive > > around her is just asking for trouble! > > About your own life, that doesn't involve her? Surely not! > > > Ivory Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2005 Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 .......> The ONLY way to " win " would have been to think like my mother thought > and feel how she felt... but something tells me even THAT wouldn't > have been good enough.. ****You are right about that...no one wins but nada when we play her game. As soon as we get the rules figured out, she'll go and change them, and we are back to the beginning again! (And she is so happy she is still the winner!) > > I know I have emotionally numbed out on this one...and chastised > myself from time to time.... like " Geez..you are a grown up...just > tell your mother the truth.... " because that was the PRETEND option - > that we were allowed to be ourselves and think what we thought... ****I like the explanation of the PRETEND option. It helps me focus on some difficulties I still have with my cutting contact with my nada. > > I still have some work to do to crawl out of this " You hid things > from me and didn't care how I felt " web. > > How she felt was my driving force.... yet I loved my sister too much > to let how she felt make me stop loving my sister. But because I > couldn't share how I felt I HID things... > > all the while I pretended I was handling it...well.. for the last 20 > or 30 years at least... > > It's still kind of tangled up right now. > > Free *****I think you are through the FOG enough to see the tangles, and that is a good thing. Sylvia > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2005 Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 .......> The ONLY way to " win " would have been to think like my mother thought > and feel how she felt... but something tells me even THAT wouldn't > have been good enough.. ****You are right about that...no one wins but nada when we play her game. As soon as we get the rules figured out, she'll go and change them, and we are back to the beginning again! (And she is so happy she is still the winner!) > > I know I have emotionally numbed out on this one...and chastised > myself from time to time.... like " Geez..you are a grown up...just > tell your mother the truth.... " because that was the PRETEND option - > that we were allowed to be ourselves and think what we thought... ****I like the explanation of the PRETEND option. It helps me focus on some difficulties I still have with my cutting contact with my nada. > > I still have some work to do to crawl out of this " You hid things > from me and didn't care how I felt " web. > > How she felt was my driving force.... yet I loved my sister too much > to let how she felt make me stop loving my sister. But because I > couldn't share how I felt I HID things... > > all the while I pretended I was handling it...well.. for the last 20 > or 30 years at least... > > It's still kind of tangled up right now. > > Free *****I think you are through the FOG enough to see the tangles, and that is a good thing. Sylvia > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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