Guest guest Posted March 28, 2004 Report Share Posted March 28, 2004 " Fate determines who comes into our lives. Our actions determine who stays. " Kerrie, that is a good saying, thanks. Your nada is a nightmare. I'm glad to read that your DH has supported you, and you two are making your home/lives/marriage a safe place from her. Good for you, Carol Hi KOs, Here's a list of the fun stuff/$hit nada pulled while she was here. Now lets see if we can guess what face Eve was wearing this time around (meaning Queen, Waif, Witch or Hermit). 1)She rewrote history in that she said my grandmother 'hit' her in the mouth with a steel ice-tray and that's how she chipped her tooth as a kid. Truth- she was running through the house as grandmother was pulling out the ice-tray from the freezer and nada 'ran into' it. I confronted her and she said 'hit' and 'running into' were the same thing but she works in word processing and knows one verb denotes abuse on the part of her mother towards her, 'hit', while the other denotes an accident. HMMM. 2)She asked dh for the third time infront of me how he likes his new car. Last year we traded in my college car, a 1990 Honda for this new car and because I am a stay at home mom, I don't work and therefore in nada's mind everything material is dh's and not mine. It serves to negate my existence the way she loves doing. Dh doesn't look at it that way, but rather as my car or our car. She doesn't understand 'our'. 3)She said I was a rebellious baby and that my son's good temperment must come from dh b/c I wasn't so loving. That's the first time I'd ever heard that one from anyone in my family. She typically says I was evil after the toddler years, but I guess she's moving the dates up in her golden years. 4)She played too rough w/my son and he didn't want her to hold him anymore even though he'd still laugh and smile at her. He just cried for me whenever she'd hold him and he's never done that with anyone. 5)She tried to humiliate me infront of one of her friend's by saying I use to torment my brother in childhood and that she and everyone else warned me that one day he'd be bigger than me. Her friend looked at her weird- validation on my part. It was a totally inappropriate story, but her friend did not make any comment on pix nada had just shown of her new live in boyfriend and so I got the retalliation w/desparaging story from childhood b/c nada was upset that friend didn't google-gaggle over nada's boyfriend (he's an npd that looks like Captain Kangaroo, which is so strange to me that he's so hung up on himself and his looks). 6)She laughed at the pedatrician's office when my son got his 6mos old shots and was crying. Of course I stepped in and took him from her as it was super sick and the nurse looked at me like that was not at all the normal reaction of most grandparents or parents when a baby is crying from pain. Again, validation. 7)Nada was passive-aggressive and pushed the limits when I told her I needed to drop her off downtown at her hotel between 4-4:30 so I could miss rush hour traffic (mind you I live in one of the top 10 largest metropolitian areas in the US) and stayed at her friends too long (while I was rude and waiting in the car w/it running w/my son) and we didn't leave my apt until 4:45. 8)When I said 'great, looks like I'm going to hit rush hour traffic' nada didn't think I had any right to be upset and responds 'It wouldn't kill you to get out and fight traffic with the rest of us who work for a living.' to which I replied " Excuse me, but I do work!!!!! " and then she yelled at me 'QUIT TAKING EVERYTHING I SAY SO SERIOUSLY!!! " At that point I just prayed to God to not get into a car wreck and reflected on how it made utter total sense that I'd imagine murdering her when I was a teenager and how I got into three car accidents when I was younger. She's a psycho and that was a very long 10minute drive into downtown. 9)Because nada had been a nasty little & *^%* her whole time here and very bossy to boot, I told her, didn't ask her, but told her NOT to wake the baby when I dropped her off at her hotel (this being after she yelled at me and I fantasized about killing her). When I opened the backdoor of my car so she could look at him one last time, her only grandchild, she refused to come over and just said 'see you later.' I just laughed the whole way home at the notion her rejecting my child would hurt me. If anything, it makes the break away easier. She solidified the notion that she just views him as an object whose novelty has worn off at this point- like a bratty two year old. My 6year old niece acts better 10)She had a chip on her shoulder from the time she got off the plane on Saturday afternoon until the time I dropped her off at her hotel. It was like she was just waiting to explode like she did when I dropped her off. Rage-aholic. DH said she's never allowed in our house again, which is perfectly fine with me. I've written her a super long letter, but don't see the point in sending it. She knows what she did and I am ready to just write her off permanently as it is too much work and I live 1000miles away. She has an erroneous assumption about her importance in my life or rather she has a perfect understanding and is lashing out b/c she is pretty irrelevant in the big scheme of things in so far as my life goes. I just don't get why she was so stupid as to take two days off of work just so she could ignore my baby- maybe to test and see how much control she can still have over me. That's so sick to take vacation days just to be a bitch to someone and yet it is so the hallmark of bpd, huh? i'm glad she's gone. Can't say I ever care to see her again but not sure how to tell her that. I'd prefer brief and to the point and will work on it and run it by you fellow KOs first for feedback. What about: " Fate determines who comes into our lives. Our actions determine who stays. " I told you two summers ago to get yourself some professional help for your mental illness. You have chosen not to and these are the consequences. You are not welcome in our lives anymore. ? Kerrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2004 Report Share Posted March 28, 2004 Hi KOs, Here's a list of the fun stuff/$hit nada pulled while she was here. Now lets see if we can guess what face Eve was wearing this time around (meaning Queen, Waif, Witch or Hermit). 1)She rewrote history in that she said my grandmother 'hit' her in the mouth with a steel ice-tray and that's how she chipped her tooth as a kid. Truth- she was running through the house as grandmother was pulling out the ice-tray from the freezer and nada 'ran into' it. I confronted her and she said 'hit' and 'running into' were the same thing but she works in word processing and knows one verb denotes abuse on the part of her mother towards her, 'hit', while the other denotes an accident. HMMM. 2)She asked dh for the third time infront of me how he likes his new car. Last year we traded in my college car, a 1990 Honda for this new car and because I am a stay at home mom, I don't work and therefore in nada's mind everything material is dh's and not mine. It serves to negate my existence the way she loves doing. Dh doesn't look at it that way, but rather as my car or our car. She doesn't understand 'our'. 3)She said I was a rebellious baby and that my son's good temperment must come from dh b/c I wasn't so loving. That's the first time I'd ever heard that one from anyone in my family. She typically says I was evil after the toddler years, but I guess she's moving the dates up in her golden years. 4)She played too rough w/my son and he didn't want her to hold him anymore even though he'd still laugh and smile at her. He just cried for me whenever she'd hold him and he's never done that with anyone. 5)She tried to humiliate me infront of one of her friend's by saying I use to torment my brother in childhood and that she and everyone else warned me that one day he'd be bigger than me. Her friend looked at her weird- validation on my part. It was a totally inappropriate story, but her friend did not make any comment on pix nada had just shown of her new live in boyfriend and so I got the retalliation w/desparaging story from childhood b/c nada was upset that friend didn't google-gaggle over nada's boyfriend (he's an npd that looks like Captain Kangaroo, which is so strange to me that he's so hung up on himself and his looks). 6)She laughed at the pedatrician's office when my son got his 6mos old shots and was crying. Of course I stepped in and took him from her as it was super sick and the nurse looked at me like that was not at all the normal reaction of most grandparents or parents when a baby is crying from pain. Again, validation. 7)Nada was passive-aggressive and pushed the limits when I told her I needed to drop her off downtown at her hotel between 4-4:30 so I could miss rush hour traffic (mind you I live in one of the top 10 largest metropolitian areas in the US) and stayed at her friends too long (while I was rude and waiting in the car w/it running w/my son) and we didn't leave my apt until 4:45. 8)When I said 'great, looks like I'm going to hit rush hour traffic' nada didn't think I had any right to be upset and responds 'It wouldn't kill you to get out and fight traffic with the rest of us who work for a living.' to which I replied " Excuse me, but I do work!!!!! " and then she yelled at me 'QUIT TAKING EVERYTHING I SAY SO SERIOUSLY!!! " At that point I just prayed to God to not get into a car wreck and reflected on how it made utter total sense that I'd imagine murdering her when I was a teenager and how I got into three car accidents when I was younger. She's a psycho and that was a very long 10minute drive into downtown. 9)Because nada had been a nasty little & *^%* her whole time here and very bossy to boot, I told her, didn't ask her, but told her NOT to wake the baby when I dropped her off at her hotel (this being after she yelled at me and I fantasized about killing her). When I opened the backdoor of my car so she could look at him one last time, her only grandchild, she refused to come over and just said 'see you later.' I just laughed the whole way home at the notion her rejecting my child would hurt me. If anything, it makes the break away easier. She solidified the notion that she just views him as an object whose novelty has worn off at this point- like a bratty two year old. My 6year old niece acts better 10)She had a chip on her shoulder from the time she got off the plane on Saturday afternoon until the time I dropped her off at her hotel. It was like she was just waiting to explode like she did when I dropped her off. Rage-aholic. DH said she's never allowed in our house again, which is perfectly fine with me. I've written her a super long letter, but don't see the point in sending it. She knows what she did and I am ready to just write her off permanently as it is too much work and I live 1000miles away. She has an erroneous assumption about her importance in my life or rather she has a perfect understanding and is lashing out b/c she is pretty irrelevant in the big scheme of things in so far as my life goes. I just don't get why she was so stupid as to take two days off of work just so she could ignore my baby- maybe to test and see how much control she can still have over me. That's so sick to take vacation days just to be a bitch to someone and yet it is so the hallmark of bpd, huh? i'm glad she's gone. Can't say I ever care to see her again but not sure how to tell her that. I'd prefer brief and to the point and will work on it and run it by you fellow KOs first for feedback. What about: " Fate determines who comes into our lives. Our actions determine who stays. " I told you two summers ago to get yourself some professional help for your mental illness. You have chosen not to and these are the consequences. You are not welcome in our lives anymore. ? Kerrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2004 Report Share Posted March 28, 2004 Hi KOs, Here's a list of the fun stuff/$hit nada pulled while she was here. Now lets see if we can guess what face Eve was wearing this time around (meaning Queen, Waif, Witch or Hermit). 1)She rewrote history in that she said my grandmother 'hit' her in the mouth with a steel ice-tray and that's how she chipped her tooth as a kid. Truth- she was running through the house as grandmother was pulling out the ice-tray from the freezer and nada 'ran into' it. I confronted her and she said 'hit' and 'running into' were the same thing but she works in word processing and knows one verb denotes abuse on the part of her mother towards her, 'hit', while the other denotes an accident. HMMM. *** I would say she was trying to make you believe your grandmother was an abuser. I would rate her as Witch for sure. 2)She asked dh for the third time infront of me how he likes his new car. Last year we traded in my college car, a 1990 Honda for this new car and because I am a stay at home mom, I don't work and therefore in nada's mind everything material is dh's and not mine. It serves to negate my existence the way she loves doing. Dh doesn't look at it that way, but rather as my car or our car. She doesn't understand 'our'. **** Thats normal for a BP as far as I can tell. Everything is either theirs, or someone else's but never really ours. Actually this idea has really helped me in the past. Mother wanted money & I told her that I would have to run it past my husband. She said " Well, you handle the money & you could do it & not tell him. " I told her he had taken back over on the bills & I had to run every little cent past him before I spent it. My husband doesn't mind sounding like the jerk, as long as it keeps her out of our lives. 3)She said I was a rebellious baby and that my son's good temperment must come from dh b/c I wasn't so loving. That's the first time I'd ever heard that one from anyone in my family. She typically says I was evil after the toddler years, but I guess she's moving the dates up in her golden years. **** I am afraid I would have been an a$$ & inform her that she wasn't so loving either. I am quite a smart A$$ when someone gets my goat. 4)She played too rough w/my son and he didn't want her to hold him anymore even though he'd still laugh and smile at her. He just cried for me whenever she'd hold him and he's never done that with anyone. **** I hope the baby puked or spit up on her for that one. I laughed like hell, when my oldest son pissed in his grandmothers (ex-husbands mom) face when she insisted on changing him. Now she could not even be classified as a witch, she was an ugly old *itch. 5)She tried to humiliate me infront of one of her friend's by saying I use to torment my brother in childhood and that she and everyone else warned me that one day he'd be bigger than me. Her friend looked at her weird- validation on my part. It was a totally inappropriate story, but her friend did not make any comment on pix nada had just shown of her new live in boyfriend and so I got the retalliation w/desparaging story from childhood b/c nada was upset that friend didn't google-gaggle over nada's boyfriend (he's an npd that looks like Captain Kangaroo, which is so strange to me that he's so hung up on himself and his looks). Captain Kangeroo was a nice man, but lets face it, he was about as handsome & sexy as a moldy piece of bread. 6)She laughed at the pedatrician's office when my son got his 6mos old shots and was crying. Of course I stepped in and took him from her as it was super sick and the nurse looked at me like that was not at all the normal reaction of most grandparents or parents when a baby is crying from pain. Again, validation. *** I think that I would have told her that it wasn't funny at all. I feel sorry for any child that has to have shots. They always made my children end up in an emergency room for anti-biotics. I really do hope your son gave her some kind of body fluid on her before she left. 7)Nada was passive-aggressive and pushed the limits when I told her I needed to drop her off downtown at her hotel between 4-4:30 so I could miss rush hour traffic (mind you I live in one of the top 10 largest metropolitian areas in the US) and stayed at her friends too long (while I was rude and waiting in the car w/it running w/my son) and we didn't leave my apt until 4:45. 8)When I said 'great, looks like I'm going to hit rush hour traffic' nada didn't think I had any right to be upset and responds 'It wouldn't kill you to get out and fight traffic with the rest of us who work for a living.' to which I replied " Excuse me, but I do work!!!!! " and then she yelled at me 'QUIT TAKING EVERYTHING I SAY SO SERIOUSLY!!! " At that point I just prayed to God to not get into a car wreck and reflected on how it made utter total sense that I'd imagine murdering her when I was a teenager and how I got into three car accidents when I was younger. She's a psycho and that was a very long 10minute drive into downtown. *** I had a sister yell & scream at me in my car. I was going 55 on the highway. I slammed on the brakes & told her point blank to shut up or get her a$$ out of my car. I pissed off the drivers behind me as I just slammed on my brakes & came to a fast stop before I pulled off the road.I damn near put sisters head into the windshield. Needless to say, she shut the hell up & never spoke to me again all the way home. It was a crude & desperate measure that worked just like I knew it would. It all started because her daughter climbed out of the car seat & was standing up. I told my daughter to swat her on her behind & put her back. I had custody of said daughter. My sister got pissed at me, but I was trying to protect my neice. I had told my sister 4 times to put that child back into the car seat & keep her there. My sister would not do so. SO I took matters into my own hands. 9)Because nada had been a nasty little & *^%* her whole time here and very bossy to boot, I told her, didn't ask her, but told her NOT to wake the baby when I dropped her off at her hotel (this being after she yelled at me and I fantasized about killing her). When I opened the backdoor of my car so she could look at him one last time, her only grandchild, she refused to come over and just said 'see you later.' I just laughed the whole way home at the notion her rejecting my child would hurt me. If anything, it makes the break away easier. She solidified the notion that she just views him as an object whose novelty has worn off at this point- like a bratty two year old. My 6year old niece acts better *** Are you sure that it doesn't sting your heart just a little bit. I am so ashamed of my mother & how she has treated my kids. I mean, after all, Grannys are not supposed to treat their grandkids like that. I know that even after all these years it stings my heart for my mother to do that to my children. I just so want to bash her head in when she does that crap. It feels like it would cleanse my soul of the hatred, but I know that it really never could do that. 10)She had a chip on her shoulder from the time she got off the plane on Saturday afternoon until the time I dropped her off at her hotel. It was like she was just waiting to explode like she did when I dropped her off. Rage-aholic. DH said she's never allowed in our house again, which is perfectly fine with me. I've written her a super long letter, but don't see the point in sending it. She knows what she did and I am ready to just write her off permanently as it is too much work and I live 1000miles away. She has an erroneous assumption about her importance in my life or rather she has a perfect understanding and is lashing out b/c she is pretty irrelevant in the big scheme of things in so far as my life goes. I just don't get why she was so stupid as to take two days off of work just so she could ignore my baby- maybe to test and see how much control she can still have over me. That's so sick to take vacation days just to be a bitch to someone and yet it is so the hallmark of bpd, huh? i'm glad she's gone. Can't say I ever care to see her again but not sure how to tell her that. I'd prefer brief and to the point and will work on it and run it by you fellow KOs first for feedback. **** Ain't it great to have a husband who backs us up & validates our feelings in a situation like that? I imagine that both of you were really wishing you could be rude & give her a wonderful piece of your mind. Honestly, I have felt better when I told mine exactly what I thought of her behavior. It didn't bother me in the slightest to piss her off. I am getting so use to her cursing me that I wouldn't know what to think if she didn't. But I will not & can not tolerate her cursing my immediate true family & treating them worse than a pile of $hit. Actually from what you said, it didn't sound like she ignored your baby, but used him as a weapon against you. In fact, it seems like she took great pleasure in using everything against you. Everything that meant anything to you was used as a weapon to cut you down. She came 1000 miles to make you as miserable as she is. I know to my mother, if she thought that she could split my husband & I up, she would do it in a heart beat. If she knew for sure I wouldn't kill her for it, she would try to get social services to take my kids from me. But she knows that I wouldn't have anything left to lose if she did that & she would be signing her death warrent if she tried. I would kill her if it took my last breath to do it with. Debbie ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2004 Report Share Posted March 29, 2004 Debbie, **** I am afraid I would have been an a$$ & inform her that she wasn't so loving either. I am quite a smart A$$ when someone gets my goat. <Actually she didn't get my goat at that point, but I did respond in kind. i said something to the effect that maybe she was projecting b/c she was so rebellious in her youth w/her dad and couldn't see anything but that w/me. She acknowledged that as a possibility, but she's very smooth and does stuff like that infront of dh when I confront her w/her bp traits. She is not one to act up infront of others too much, but I know my honesty and the detachment w/which I delivered it really pissed her off- kind of like the honesty and detachment w/how I confronted her w/her lie about my grandmother's hitting her. I don't get pissed b/c it validates the notion that I'm the crazy one and she's got no anger problems at all. I mean to say I do eventually get pissed, but that's not the game I'm playing w/her anymore. I deflect it and don't own it b/c overall I'm not an angry person anymore and can see the game as soon as she starts playing it....though I really do have to work on things like protecting myself better as it always surprises me when she's a witch. I guess I'm just so use to 'normal/healthy' people being in my life that I forget what a psycho nada was and still is. **** I hope the baby puked or spit up on her for that one. I laughed like hell, when my oldest son pissed in his grandmothers (ex- husbands mom) face when she insisted on changing him. Now she could not even be classified as a witch, she was an ugly old *itch. >Funny you should say that as he did puke on her a few times. I'd forgotten about that one, but I'm sure that pissed her off too but she didn't say so. lol. oh well. Glad she's gone. *** I think that I would have told her that it wasn't funny at all. I feel sorry for any child that has to have shots. They always made my children end up in an emergency room for anti-biotics. I really do hope your son gave her some kind of body fluid on her before she left. >I simply took him from her and comforted him. She and the nurse were standing next to him while he got his shots as I still can not remotely bare to see him get stuck though I did stay in the room this time. He's getting older and will be more mad at me for leaving him than anything. The nurse just kind of looked at me w/raised eyebrows and I grabbed him from my nada's hands. She didn't have him long enough, but I think it is funny that he may now associate nada w/shots and laughing at him...sick humor really. I was more upset by his pain and the thought of reprimanding nada was not as overwhelming as it was to take him and just sooth him. I find it difficult to comfort him as his mother when I'm super pissed at nada and so I just ignored her and reacted like a mother should when a baby or offspring is hurting. By the way, my son has always been really good w/shots- just a little cranky at best and no fever or anything of the sorts. Granted our doctor uses the top of the line vaccines, but knock on wood, he's never had a really bad reaction. *** I had a sister yell & scream at me in my car. I was going 55 on the highway. I slammed on the brakes & told her point blank to shut up or get her a$$ out of my car. I pissed off the drivers behind me as I just slammed on my brakes & came to a fast stop before I pulled off the road.I damn near put sisters head into the windshield. Needless to say, she shut the hell up & never spoke to me again all the way home. It was a crude & desperate measure that worked just like I knew it would. It all started because her daughter climbed out of the car seat & was standing up. I told my daughter to swat her on her behind & put her back. I had custody of said daughter. My sister got pissed at me, but I was trying to protect my neice. I had told my sister 4 times to put that child back into the car seat & keep her there. My sister would not do so. SO I took matters into my own hands. >I wasn't about to risk my baby's life for stupid ol nada and her bs. I was just clutching the steering wheel saying to myself only ten minutes til she's out of here. It was super hard to concentrate on the road, but I kind of asked God and our guardian angels to do the driving while I just anticipated dropping her butt off for good. Like I said, this is undoubtably the last time she'll be staying w/us and so that scenario won't present itself again. I just thought that it made a lot of sense why bps get into car wrecks or KOs also. I wasn't about to have another one to prove her correct that I am a horrible driver and can't take care of my baby when in truth she was pushing buttons like a operator at MCI. *** Are you sure that it doesn't sting your heart just a little bit. I am so ashamed of my mother & how she has treated my kids. I mean, after all, Grannys are not supposed to treat their grandkids like that. I know that even after all these years it stings my heart for my mother to do that to my children. I just so want to bash her head in when she does that crap. It feels like it would cleanse my soul of the hatred, but I know that it really never could do that. >No, I'm not hurt by her choice to enjoy her mental illness and play it up to the fullest. The fact she'd try to reject my son to get to me is laughable in my book b/c that is the exact same thing my fada's nada did to two of my cousins growing up w/her very bp daughter. She'd not speak to the grandchildren to punish my aunt. No, I've got that name and number and game and my baby is only 6mos old unlike my cousins when they were older. Were my baby older and already had an established relationship w/Grammy (her choice of names), then it would hurt me b/c he'd be hurting. As it is, her sickness showing so soon into my baby's life shows that I'm only too thankful to live 1000 miles away and that the choice to not have her in my child and future children's lives is probably a very, very good choice. You're right in that granmothers shouldn't act that way, but tis no surprise really as mothers aren't suppose to act the way she acted either. Its like I told dh, if she didn't get help and try to change herself and her mental illness when both of her kids attempted suicide, why was I so niavely optomistic to believe she'd change w/the birth of her first grandchild? Not logical Spock-lol. My dh didn't grow up w/grandparents and he's awesome. Futhermore, my baby just adores his grandmother on the other side of the family and they all know about borderline personality as it was my psychiatrist sil that told me my mom/nada probably had bpd. He, my son, will not be at a loss for love in his life by not having contact w/a mentally ill grandmother. I certainly wouldn't put him into a room filled w/people who've got TB, so i won't do the same w/ family members who've got bp as it seems kind of contagious at times too- or at least fleas. **** Ain't it great to have a husband who backs us up & validates our feelings in a situation like that? I imagine that both of you were really wishing you could be rude & give her a wonderful piece of your mind. Honestly, I have felt better when I told mine exactly what I thought of her behavior. It didn't bother me in the slightest to piss her off. I am getting so use to her cursing me that I wouldn't know what to think if she didn't. But I will not & can not tolerate her cursing my immediate true family & treating them worse than a pile of $hit. Actually from what you said, it didn't sound like she ignored your baby, but used him as a weapon against you. In fact, it seems like she took great pleasure in using everything against you. Everything that meant anything to you was used as a weapon to cut you down. She came 1000 miles to make you as miserable as she is. I know to my mother, if she thought that she could split my husband & I up, she would do it in a heart beat. If she knew for sure I wouldn't kill her for it, she would try to get social services to take my kids from me. But she knows that I wouldn't have anything left to lose if she did that & she would be signing her death warrent if she tried. I would kill her if it took my last breath to do it with. Debbie >Debbie, I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband that does indeed validate and protect me the way husbands should, the way people who love each other should. I only had the desire to kill her or curse her out the last hour or so she was here and then I just bit my tongue thanking God she was leaving. It's funny you should mention that you can't tolerate her/nada treating your immediate family like a pile of shit. Does that mean you can tolerate her treating you in that fashion? Just curious as I think I use to feel that way w/my brother growing up. Now I do not tolerate her treating me like that either just b/c I don't want my child or anyone else to see that it is okay to run over me- too much self-respect and the kknowledge that as a parent my child will learn from me what is okay to put up with. I think as KOs we're not allowed to even defend ourselves and our identities are so erradicated that defending others becomes easier. Now I'm trying to learn to stand in my own self and stay at peace despite her mental illness just b/c IF, big if there, I ever do have her in my life again w/kids, they will also know how to stay in a peaceful place w/a mentally ill person. Granted it is hard to stay as such and sometimes I feel it is better to just let them go, but at the end of the day I would prefer my children and everyone else know her as simply a mentally ill person rather than hate her or lower themselves to her level of pettiness and vindictiveness and just plain ol meanness. Plus she hates being labelled as mentally ill, but she is and I know that now as clearly as I know the nose on my face. and yes, you are right, she did try to use everything against me. I only responded at the end I suppose w/her passive-aggressive bs. I did much better than normal as I never let her see her effects on me just b/c it gives her too much satisfaction (like w/asking dh how he likes his new car- she could tell the first time last summer when she asked that it bothered me and so she's kept it up). At this stage though, I just don't have room for her and her mental illness in my life and that's it. No real hard feelings, just pity for her. I've come too far and worked too hard to get me healthy that I don't have any desire to let her wipe it all out from one visit if that makes sense...though she did set me back a little. Fortunately, I've got lots of resources and supportive people in my life and my faith and so I'm trodding through it and knowing that I've reached my limits with her for good. Its a slow process and I put her on probation a few summers ago and now I know I need to make good on my promises of her not being welcome in our lives if she didn't clear up her mental illness/get professional help. Oh yeah, another positive I just found out is that the best bpd treatment center in the nation is located in my city. Just moved here last June....talk about divine intervention again. I'm gonna call there sometime in the next week or so and see if I can see someone on outpatient therapy. My last T was awesome, but she didn't specialize at all w/bpd and infact refuses to treat someone w/it (can't say I blame her one bit. She had a former bp tear up her office. She said I was clearly not a bp, but rather a KO as we all are on this board- symptoms, but enough logic and desire not to go down into that hole). Nada has never been officially diagnosed, or at least not to my knowledge, but she's unquestionably one. hugs and take care! Kerrie > > > Hi KOs, > Here's a list of the fun stuff/$hit nada pulled while she was here. > Now lets see if we can guess what face Eve was wearing this time > around (meaning Queen, Waif, Witch or Hermit). > 1)She rewrote history in that she said my grandmother 'hit' her in > the mouth with a steel ice-tray and that's how she chipped her tooth > as a kid. Truth- she was running through the house as grandmother > was pulling out the ice-tray from the freezer and nada 'ran into' > it. I confronted her and she said 'hit' and 'running into' were the > same thing but she works in word processing and knows one verb > denotes abuse on the part of her mother towards her, 'hit', while > the other denotes an accident. HMMM. > *** I would say she was trying to make you believe your grandmother was an abuser. I would rate her as Witch for sure. > > 2)She asked dh for the third time infront of me how he likes his new > car. Last year we traded in my college car, a 1990 Honda for this > new car and because I am a stay at home mom, I don't work and > therefore in nada's mind everything material is dh's and not mine. > It serves to negate my existence the way she loves doing. Dh doesn't > look at it that way, but rather as my car or our car. She doesn't > understand 'our'. > > **** Thats normal for a BP as far as I can tell. Everything is either theirs, or someone else's but never really ours. Actually this idea has really helped me in the past. Mother wanted money & I told her that I would have to run it past my husband. She said " Well, you handle the money & you could do it & not tell him. " I told her he had taken back over on the bills & I had to run every little cent past him before I spent it. My husband doesn't mind sounding like the jerk, as long as it keeps her out of our lives. > > 3)She said I was a rebellious baby and that my son's good temperment > must come from dh b/c I wasn't so loving. That's the first time I'd > ever heard that one from anyone in my family. She typically says I > was evil after the toddler years, but I guess she's moving the dates > up in her golden years. > > **** I am afraid I would have been an a$$ & inform her that she wasn't so loving either. I am quite a smart A$$ when someone gets my goat. > > 4)She played too rough w/my son and he didn't want her to hold him > anymore even though he'd still laugh and smile at her. He just cried > for me whenever she'd hold him and he's never done that with anyone. > > **** I hope the baby puked or spit up on her for that one. I laughed like hell, when my oldest son pissed in his grandmothers (ex- husbands mom) face when she insisted on changing him. Now she could not even be classified as a witch, she was an ugly old *itch. > > 5)She tried to humiliate me infront of one of her friend's by saying > I use to torment my brother in childhood and that she and everyone > else warned me that one day he'd be bigger than me. Her friend > looked at her weird- validation on my part. It was a totally > inappropriate story, but her friend did not make any comment on pix > nada had just shown of her new live in boyfriend and so I got the > retalliation w/desparaging story from childhood b/c nada was upset > that friend didn't google-gaggle over nada's boyfriend (he's an npd > that looks like Captain Kangaroo, which is so strange to me that > he's so hung up on himself and his looks). > > Captain Kangeroo was a nice man, but lets face it, he was about as handsome & sexy as a moldy piece of bread. > > 6)She laughed at the pedatrician's office when my son got his 6mos > old shots and was crying. Of course I stepped in and took him from > her as it was super sick and the nurse looked at me like that was > not at all the normal reaction of most grandparents or parents when > a baby is crying from pain. Again, validation. > > 7)Nada was passive-aggressive and pushed the limits when I told her > I needed to drop her off downtown at her hotel between 4-4:30 so I > could miss rush hour traffic (mind you I live in one of the top 10 > largest metropolitian areas in the US) and stayed at her friends too > long (while I was rude and waiting in the car w/it running w/my son) > and we didn't leave my apt until 4:45. > 8)When I said 'great, looks like I'm going to hit rush hour traffic' > nada didn't think I had any right to be upset and responds 'It > *** I had a sister yell & scream at me in my car. I was going 55 on the highway. I slammed on the brakes & told her point blank to shut up or get her a$$ out of my car. I pissed off the drivers behind me as I just slammed on my brakes & came to a fast stop before I pulled off the road.I damn near put sisters head into the windshield. Needless to say, she shut the hell up & never spoke to me again all the way home. It was a crude & desperate measure that worked just like I knew it would. It all started because her daughter climbed out of the car seat & was standing up. I told my daughter to swat her on her behind & put her back. I had custody of said daughter. My sister got pissed at me, but I was trying to protect my neice. I had told my sister 4 times to put that child back into the car seat & keep her there. My sister would not do so. SO I took matters into my own hands. > > > wouldn't kill you to get out and fight traffic with the rest of us > who work for a living.' to which I replied " Excuse me, but I do > work!!!!! " and then she yelled at me 'QUIT TAKING EVERYTHING I SAY > SO SERIOUSLY!!! " At that point I just prayed to God to not get into > a car wreck and reflected on how it made utter total sense that I'd > imagine murdering her when I was a teenager and how I got into three > car accidents when I was younger. She's a psycho and that was a very > long 10minute drive into downtown. > > 9)Because nada had been a nasty little & *^%* her whole time here and > very bossy to boot, I told her, didn't ask her, but told her NOT to > wake the baby when I dropped her off at her hotel (this being after > she yelled at me and I fantasized about killing her). When I opened > the backdoor of my car so she could look at him one last time, her > only grandchild, she refused to come over and just said 'see you > later.' I just laughed the whole way home at the notion her > rejecting my child would hurt me. If anything, it makes the break > away easier. She solidified the notion that she just views him as an > object whose novelty has worn off at this point- like a bratty two > year old. My 6year old niece acts better > > *** Are you sure that it doesn't sting your heart just a little bit. I am so ashamed of my mother & how she has treated my kids. I mean, after all, Grannys are not supposed to treat their grandkids like that. I know that even after all these years it stings my heart for my mother to do that to my children. I just so want to bash her head in when she does that crap. It feels like it would cleanse my soul of the hatred, but I know that it really never could do that. > > 10)She had a chip on her shoulder from the time she got off the > plane on Saturday afternoon until the time I dropped her off at her > hotel. It was like she was just waiting to explode like she did when > I dropped her off. Rage-aholic. > > > DH said she's never allowed in our house again, which is perfectly > fine with me. I've written her a super long letter, but don't see > the point in sending it. She knows what she did and I am ready to > just write her off permanently as it is too much work and I live > 1000miles away. She has an erroneous assumption about her importance > in my life or rather she has a perfect understanding and is lashing > out b/c she is pretty irrelevant in the big scheme of things in so > far as my life goes. I just don't get why she was so stupid as to > take two days off of work just so she could ignore my baby- maybe to > test and see how much control she can still have over me. That's so > sick to take vacation days just to be a bitch to someone and yet it > is so the hallmark of bpd, huh? i'm glad she's gone. Can't say I > ever care to see her again but not sure how to tell her that. > **** Ain't it great to have a husband who backs us up & validates our feelings in a situation like that? I imagine that both of you were really wishing you could be rude & give her a wonderful piece of your mind. Honestly, I have felt better when I told mine exactly what I thought of her behavior. It didn't bother me in the slightest to piss her off. I am getting so use to her cursing me that I wouldn't know what to think if she didn't. But I will not & can not tolerate her cursing my immediate true family & treating them worse than a pile of $hit. > Actually from what you said, it didn't sound like she ignored your baby, but used him as a weapon against you. In fact, it seems like she took great pleasure in using everything against you. Everything that meant anything to you was used as a weapon to cut you down. She came 1000 miles to make you as miserable as she is. I know to my mother, if she thought that she could split my husband & I up, she would do it in a heart beat. If she knew for sure I wouldn't kill her for it, she would try to get social services to take my kids from me. But she knows that I wouldn't have anything left to lose if she did that & she would be signing her death warrent if she tried. > I would kill her if it took my last breath to do it with. > Debbie > > I'd > prefer brief and to the point and will work on it and run it by you > fellow KOs first for feedback. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------- > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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