making peace, making progress

[Guest guest]

Hey everyone -

I've been having some breakthroughs lately. As a brief recap, my mom

hasn't spoken to me for over a year, after feeling I didn't spend

enough time with her around my wedding. I've always been split good,

so this silence was unnerving and depressing.

When I first joined this group, someone suggested that I think of it

as taking a break from *her*, rather than letting her have all the

power. I saw the wisdom in that [thank you!], and a few weeks ago

realized that I was so angry about her behavior that I didn't *want*

to talk with her. I thought, Why would I want to talk with someone

who is treating me with such disrespect and who isn't willing to

resolve anything?

Then yesterday, I started thinking about the fact that she might

hold this silence until she dies. If that's the case, what do I

still need to say to her? And I found that I just wanted to thank

her for the positive gifts she has given me. Seriously. Fortunately,

there are some profound ones -- for example, she could ask me, " Have

I ever lied to you? " and I knew she hadn't. (I do believe she never

lied to me intentionally; perhaps sometimes she just couldn't tell

herself the truth.) It was a powerful thing for a kid to hold on to.

I know many of you weren't so lucky.

I don't even want to include the backhand lessons, like, " You taught

me about letting go of guilt, because I would have died from the

weight of what you handed me if I hadn't. " LOL I also know that

bringing up the ways she has hurt me wouldn't do any good -- I won't

find resolution with her, and she isn't going to change.

If this is to be our last correspondence, then I want to do it with

compassion -- because that's *my* work in the world. I want to be

the person who sows seeds of healing. I'm being very careful in my

wording, trying to give her the best chance of receiving my quite

sincere thanks. I have no control over what she does with the letter

(though I *am* going to send it with delivery confirmation -- I'd

never know otherwise if it arrived!). I'm sending the letter for my

own sake, not hers.

Just wanted to share this moment. It feels peaceful, for however

long it lasts. Hey -- have I stumbled into that forgiveness thing?

peace,

journeywork

[Guest guest]

Hi Journeyworks,

I hope that this communication with your mother will be helpful to

you. And it is good that you are doing it just for yourself.

I have two incomplete letters to my nada. They were very theraputic

(sp?) to write, but I haven't sent either one of them. I am aware

that I am not sure that I want to send them, and if I do, I am not

sure of the reason for doing so. So, until I get those questions

answered for myself, the letters will stay on my hard drive.

Hope all is well with you,

Sylvia

>.................> If this is to be our last correspondence, then I

want to do it with

> compassion -- because that's *my* work in the world. I want to be

> the person who sows seeds of healing. I'm being very careful in my

> wording, trying to give her the best chance of receiving my quite

> sincere thanks. I have no control over what she does with the

letter

> (though I *am* going to send it with delivery confirmation -- I'd

> never know otherwise if it arrived!). I'm sending the letter for my

> own sake, not hers.

>

> Just wanted to share this moment. It feels peaceful, for however

> long it lasts. Hey -- have I stumbled into that forgiveness

thing?

>

> peace,

> journeywork

[Guest guest]

That's awesome for you, journeywork, and I imagine it will be such a

relief to be finally be able to release yourself from all of this

negative weight.

Blessings,

> Hey everyone -

>

> I've been having some breakthroughs lately. As a brief recap, my

mom

> hasn't spoken to me for over a year, after feeling I didn't spend

> enough time with her around my wedding. I've always been split

good,

> so this silence was unnerving and depressing.

>

> When I first joined this group, someone suggested that I think of

it

> as taking a break from *her*, rather than letting her have all the

> power. I saw the wisdom in that [thank you!], and a few weeks ago

> realized that I was so angry about her behavior that I didn't

*want*

> to talk with her. I thought, Why would I want to talk with someone

> who is treating me with such disrespect and who isn't willing to

> resolve anything?

>

> Then yesterday, I started thinking about the fact that she might

> hold this silence until she dies. If that's the case, what do I

> still need to say to her? And I found that I just wanted to thank

> her for the positive gifts she has given me. Seriously.

Fortunately,

> there are some profound ones -- for example, she could ask

me, " Have

> I ever lied to you? " and I knew she hadn't. (I do believe she never

> lied to me intentionally; perhaps sometimes she just couldn't tell

> herself the truth.) It was a powerful thing for a kid to hold on

to.

> I know many of you weren't so lucky.

>

> I don't even want to include the backhand lessons, like, " You

taught

> me about letting go of guilt, because I would have died from the

> weight of what you handed me if I hadn't. " LOL I also know that

> bringing up the ways she has hurt me wouldn't do any good -- I

won't

> find resolution with her, and she isn't going to change.

>

> If this is to be our last correspondence, then I want to do it with

> compassion -- because that's *my* work in the world. I want to be

> the person who sows seeds of healing. I'm being very careful in my

> wording, trying to give her the best chance of receiving my quite

> sincere thanks. I have no control over what she does with the

letter

> (though I *am* going to send it with delivery confirmation -- I'd

> never know otherwise if it arrived!). I'm sending the letter for my

> own sake, not hers.

>

> Just wanted to share this moment. It feels peaceful, for however

> long it lasts. Hey -- have I stumbled into that forgiveness

thing?

>

> peace,

> journeywork