Guest guest Posted August 20, 2004 Report Share Posted August 20, 2004 > My question is how do I deal with my own daughter being coached to > abuse me? ------------------ I try to stay out of the way in the relationships > between my children and nada and it is difficult to interfere. I try > to hold to the theory that everyone needs to make up his/her mind > about a situation; it does not make it easier for me to accept nada's > ugly behavior. ------------ I understand what you are saying here but they, my Nada and daughter, are forcing the issue of getting me involved. We are talking about a Nada with a goal here. She got involved with my daughter to get me!!! Every chance they get they try something new together to try to get me to drop my bouderies and cave. These are two extremely determined gals that seem to conjure up a new scheme about every week. Neither one has a job right now and they get together every week and figure out how they will get me to see the light. For my own sake of course. With my daughters ADHD she is emotionally still a teenager. The two of them together think they are a behaviour changing specialist team. UGGHHH!!!!I would LOVE to be left out of their relationship but the attacks keep coming!!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 20, 2004 Report Share Posted August 20, 2004 How old is your daughter? I missed that post. I see the stress you are under that is for sure. My nada tries to persuade my 14-year-old daughter about how bad I really am. Fortunately nada will not succeed on that one any time soon at least. My daughter tells me she wonders what my nada is thinking. She wonders how her own grandmother could possibly convincer her that her own mother is actually a bad person. I can't say how it will be when my daughter gets older but because she is so agitated by her grandnada now I can't think that my nada ever will win her over. Putting up with my nada is bad enough but I absolutely would hate to have to be in your situation. That is just really sad because a bond with your own kid is much more than a bond with your mother so someone trying to sabbotage a bond with your own kid and seemingly succeeding is beyond description. Theresa -- " misplaceme " wrote: > My question is how do I deal with my own daughter being coached to > abuse me? ------------------ I try to stay out of the way in the relationships > between my children and nada and it is difficult to interfere. I try > to hold to the theory that everyone needs to make up his/her mind > about a situation; it does not make it easier for me to accept nada's > ugly behavior. ------------ I understand what you are saying here but they, my Nada and daughter, are forcing the issue of getting me involved. We are talking about a Nada with a goal here. She got involved with my daughter to get me!!! Every chance they get they try something new together to try to get me to drop my bouderies and cave. These are two extremely determined gals that seem to conjure up a new scheme about every week. Neither one has a job right now and they get together every week and figure out how they will get me to see the light. For my own sake of course. With my daughters ADHD she is emotionally still a teenager. The two of them together think they are a behaviour changing specialist team. UGGHHH!!!!I would LOVE to be left out of their relationship but the attacks keep coming!!! > > > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: http://www.BPDCentral.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2004 Report Share Posted September 20, 2004 I have been talking to my oldest daughter this am; she is of the opinion that nada is " trying to mend or wants to mend our relationship " . As I talked to daughter, I am becoming more aware of how this looks to someone outside my head. Nada says ugly things or confesses something going on with her to me. When I discuss with family, then family talk to nada. Nada denies the ugly conversations directed to me or says that I " made it up " about nada self- confessions. I know I am being gaslighted by nada. Nada is so much more clever at this than I can ever be. I just want to scream, no no, I am not the one that is crazy. She is the one that is crazy. I have stopped calling nada for a while. For the past 2 years I have called her twice a week and we have chatted socially and mostly it has been fairly sorta pleasant. Since nada visited my daughter, nada has " decided " that my son " wants to come visit her " and that I should ride along. My son and I are in a good relationship and it would be enjoyable to take a trip with him. Not to nada's house!!! Nada began asking when son and I would " come to see her " with every phone call, so I have just stopped calling. I find the break in contact to be positive and I am working on my nuturing and my needs. I have given oldest daughter information about BPD. This daughter has witnessed nada's vicious verbal assaults, so daughter is not totally clueless. The middle daughter has told me repeatedly, I do not know why you even bother going around that woman. Can anyone explain about disassociation and PSTD to me? I know that I freeze or blank out when I am around nada. I have a problem maintaining eye contact; keep my eyes on the floor. There have been many times I get hysterical, crying jags when I am with her and when I return from a visit. A lot of suppressed anger. My self esteem sinks to minus 500 if I am around her for more than three days. I have limited my visits to three days maximum and it has helped. One time I stayed for four days and the last day was difficult. When nada lived much further away and I had to fly, I was her captive and it brought feelings I can only describe as sheer terror for me. And so it goes. take care, mg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2004 Report Share Posted September 21, 2004 Hi MG, I wanted to say I really could identify with your post. I also can't spend more than a certain amount of time around nada, and if I am 'trapped' with her in any way, I feel completely threatened. I feel high anxiety, prone to panic attacks. I also completely shut down physically. ALL my body wants to do is sleep. My body fights me 100% if I try to do ANYTHING that exposes myself--even normal things like work or read or play music. I find that all I can do at nada's house is watch tv, do laundry and do housework. I haven't even tried to do anything else, because my body tells me that I am too threatened. Then, even after leaving nada, I find that my body wants to 'shut down' for days--that I literally want to sleep ALL day, sometimes for two or three days in a row. When I first started therapy, before I understood bpd, I did so because I was sleeping all day every day, and I thought I was depressed. I now understand it was because I was vulnerable to nada, and I needed to learn how to correct that. The less vulnerable I am to her--geographically, financially, emotionally--the more energy I have, the less likely I am to go into shut-down mode. Was your nada a witch? Mine was a witch/waif. It seems to make no difference that she wasn't a rager, or that her witch abuse was largely 'indirect', and done without physical threat or a raised voice. My body still tries to flee as if in a war zone, and if it can't flee, it will shut down. After being trapped at nada's during hurricane Ivan, I suddenly have the energy to move half way around the world, I kid you not! And I just might do it. The urge to flee is that strong. Also, with dissociation, whenever I am feeling threatened or overwhelmed with negative thoughts, even where nada is NOT involved, I also tend to shut down, as if I were a trapped child again. It is a coping mechanism that I can't seem to change. The only thing that helps is to treat the root--to ferret out the cognitive distortions, and 'answer' them on paper. But sometimes the instinct gets too strong before I can correct it, and then I find I am narcolepsy chic for a few minutes--I have to trick my body into thinking we protected it. Then I'll wake after a short nap and address the cognitive distortions. But when I'm trapped at nada's, I've learned to just treat it as a war zone and protect myself as best I can. I hope this is helpful. I really can identify with your reactions and (again) wonder if you had a witch nada? I am wondering if PTSD is most common with kos of that background. Regards Charlie > Can anyone explain about disassociation and PSTD to me? I know that > I freeze or blank out when I am around nada. I have a problem > maintaining eye contact; keep my eyes on the floor. There have been > many times I get hysterical, crying jags when I am with her and when > I return from a visit. A lot of suppressed anger. My self esteem > sinks to minus 500 if I am around her for more than three days. I > have limited my visits to three days maximum and it has helped. > > One time I stayed for four days and the last day was difficult. When > nada lived much further away and I had to fly, I was her captive and > it brought feelings I can only describe as sheer terror for me. > And so it goes. take care, mg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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