Re: art and life as a KO

August 23, 2004

I paint and my subjects ALL relate to my life experiences with BPD, but

abstractly. Last year I did a sreies of paintings with fish struggling for food.

I painted them as I struggled to understand BPD. Now I am working on a " life

lesson " series. I'm painting still lifes with glasses half full or half empty. (

the glasses are the same.) I feel that artistic expression is great for helping

get through the quicksand that BPD can be.

Take care.

Otwoma

journeyworksf wrote:

Are there other artists out there (whatever your genre) who have

worked through nada stuff through their art? For example, I've

written a couple songs that have taken me a long way in

healing/accepting the situation with my mom. It has felt like I've

fast-tracked some emotional work that I'd been plugging away at.

I'm also curious how others who take their art into the world (vs.

keeping it private) deal with public disclosure of their nada's BPD.

In my case, I'm writing a book about my wedding, and I have a lot of

fear around how to talk about my mom's terrible behavior. I can't

ignore it, because it was a significant part of the day for me. But

I have no idea what or how much to say. I probably won't talk about

BPD by name. At the same time, I feel like I should give *some*

context to her actions. (At the moment, I'm handling it by working

on other chapters. LOL)

I'd appreciate any insights from other artist-KOs out there....

peace,

journeywork

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August 24, 2004

Hi Journeywork,

I'm a writer in the speculative genres (scifi, fantasy, horror), and

way before I knew anything about BPD I think my writing was helping

me to process a lot of my own pain and confusion. Case in point: one

of my novels is about a young girl who has to face incredible odds

against her, when nobody believes in her, and despite her obstacles

she stays true to herself, overcomes what she can and learns from

what she can't, and even learns how to become a good friend to

someone else. At the time I wrote it I didn't see how close the

girl's struggle was to my own, mostly because I wasn't paying

attention (at a conscious level, anyway) to my own problems. But I

think my writing was important in preparing me emotionally to

finally see the truth about BPD and my past.

The nice thing about speculative fiction is that I don't have to

deal directly with identifying something like BPD. I also don't have

to deal directly with my own life - I can put aspects of it in the

life of a fictional character. I'd run into the same troubles as you

if I tried to write anything about my own life, especially the fear

of writing the truth about nada. I'd probably write under another

name lol.

> Are there other artists out there (whatever your genre) who have

> worked through nada stuff through their art? For example, I've

> written a couple songs that have taken me a long way in

> healing/accepting the situation with my mom. It has felt like I've

> fast-tracked some emotional work that I'd been plugging away at.

>

> I'm also curious how others who take their art into the world (vs.

> keeping it private) deal with public disclosure of their nada's

BPD.

> In my case, I'm writing a book about my wedding, and I have a lot

of

> fear around how to talk about my mom's terrible behavior. I can't

> ignore it, because it was a significant part of the day for me.

But

> I have no idea what or how much to say. I probably won't talk

about

> BPD by name. At the same time, I feel like I should give *some*

> context to her actions. (At the moment, I'm handling it by working

> on other chapters. LOL)

>

> I'd appreciate any insights from other artist-KOs out there....

>

> peace,

> journeywork

August 24, 2004

Hi group

This is my first enter, so I don`t really know where to start. I guess have a

lot on my mind... First of all, finding this group is very exiting.

I am 38 years old, the older sister to a brother and a sister. My parents are

divorced. All three of us are struggling with how to deal with our nada, and

have done so for years. I am the only one of us that is going through therapy.

This summer I found some interesting books about bpd and " the narcissistic

family " . I have a big discussions with myself weater or not I should share my

new found insight with my sister and brother.

I feel that many of my questions and confusions about the behaviour of my mother

is being answered. I love my siblings very much, and want all the best for them.

My brother is the one who lives closest to nada, and who sees her the most. She

uses him as unpaid help, like the Queen she is. My brother has tree children and

a wife to care about. He tells me that to cope he will share our mothers

craziness with his wife, and make fun of here between the two of them. He only

halfway accepts that I don`t want to see her, and makes sure to invite both of

us to family events, even if he knows I will politly say no if she will be

present.

I broke of contact with my mother in 1995, when she during my parents divorce

wrote me, over a year, very disturbing letters about how she vas doing, and

alternated between saying she loved me and hated me. I never responded to those

letters, I guess I was to emotionally disturbed by them. She was annoyed that I

didn`t answer the letters and asked me if I was evil, not letting her hear from

me.

That reelly upset me. I remember being upset and afraid everytime anybody called

my homephone, expecting her to call. She never did.

During the period of one year, I ended a longterm relationship with my

boyfriend, my two siblings got engaged, then married and both had their first

child, and my parents got divorced. In other words BIG changes.

After 5 years my brother " trapped " me into seing my mother. I started visiting

her, talking to her, listening to her sad feelings regarding the divorce ( witch

she asked for) loosing her loving parents (being an only child) and so on. I

encouraged her, helped her in practical matters and so on. I had by now gotten

ill, had an operation and struggled with my new cronical illness. After one and

a half years of contact, and with a coupple of big dramas she set up. I desided

I could not take it anymore. Two years ago, she was invited to my birthdayparty,

together with my sister, my sister in law, and my aunt. The evning started in a

nice way. She talked and talked and talked. Everything went well, untill she

started pushing me into doing her a favour. I resisted, tried to refuse, was

pushed by everyone around the table. In the end I told her no. She exploded with

anger, told me how little I considered her feelings, and left with my sister and

sister in law (who were driving with her in her car). My sweet aunt volunteered

to help my mother in stead of me, and hurried after her to make the

arrangements. I was suddenly alone.... All but my mother have later told me they

were sorry for me and the way my birthday ended. I have told them, don`t be,

putting up this " show " in front of everybody, was the best birthday present she

could give me. I could talk to tree other grown ups about what actually happend.

Nice!

This was the last time I saw her. Then I started realising there were something

more to it than just normal problems between mother and daugther. Reading books

and talking to tree grownups that each knew her, about how their interactions

with her had been, and how they percieved her, gave me the answer. Pathological

narcissism or a perfect example of a Queen borderline mother with a visiting

Witch...

My sister has moved abroad, but told me this summer, that she had realised there

is something abnormal in the way my mother behaves, and no matter how much she

tries to be adult in the way she interacts with our nada, It doesn`t work out,

and leaves her frustrated and drained. I was thrilled by my sisters openness

with me, and lend her the book called " why is it all about you " . I told her I

had found the book reelly usefull, and hoped that she would have a chance to

read it. My sister is the mother of 5, the oldest is 10 (and resently been

diagnosed with ADHD) and I am worried she will not have much time to herself.

I think about what to share with them, conserned that our nada will find out,

and use this as an excuse to try to get in touch with me again. I am also afraid

it might make my sister less interested in understanding the reel problem. She

needs to find her own answers, and is very suspicious and apprahensive on

anything I say. When it comes to my brother, he has had some serious health

problems, is out of work, and is affected a lot by her behavior. I worry that he

has taken after her in many ways ...

I know this was a lot, and I hope it makes sense....

One