Re: Role Models

[Guest guest]

I think role models are very, very important. I had a few good ones -- and

still have some new good ones -- like people in this group!

I didn't look at these people as " role models " either when I was younger, but

my therapist asked me if I had some people in my childhood or teenage years

that were good role models, she thought it was important that I recognize who

they were. (I think she also wanted to know who they were! LOL)

Here are a few:

(1) one girl scout leader was particulary " normal " and wonderful

(2) a few great teachers (but some of them were men)

(3) my father in some ways (he's a man though LOL)

(4) my father's mother -- very loving, warm, etc.

(5) some of my friend's mothers

Great topic!

Barb

In a message dated 7/28/04 1:19:45 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

everythinglists@... writes:

> I had role models growing up but never anyone who took the place of

> my nada, I think I knew better than to even try going there. But I

> never really recognized them as role models, just people who

> possessed qualities that I needed in a mother ( I believe ), and now

> that I see what it is I find that there are people I know who could

> be very positive " role models " for me. Obviously as a grown woman

> I'm not going to go up and tell someone " you're my ROLE MODEL! " lol

> but I notice since I've realized this (it's taken 20 years to figure

> it out!) it actually has been very helpful.

>

[Guest guest]

> I thought I'd ask some fellow DOs (daughters of LOL, no offense to

> Sons at all), whether you have ever had " role models " that you looked

> to in place of your mother and what those relationships were like.

> Were they close or did you model yourself after someone from a

> distance?

I had an aunt I used to pretend was my mother. I spent many summers with

her and my uncle when I was a kid. I still send her a mothers day card as

well as a fathers day card to my uncle. This drives my nada nuts, but

doesn't seem to bother my dad at all. Yes, I think it was very helpful to

see how normal people act and treat each other ( it is my father brother and

his wife).

Jackie

[Guest guest]

I don't think I really had role models as a child...but I did, and

still do, as an adult. Therefore, I don't think this is immature!

LOL!

But even as a child, I did observe other people, when I could, and I

would take mental notes when I could see how they were handling a

situation differently than nada would. My aunts, nada's sisters,

were role models in this sense, but they were too far away to see on

a regular basis. I realize that even at this age, I was planning

to 'do things differently' than nada, and so I was looking for those

role models to show me the way.

As an adult, I have met several women whose examples I would want to

emulate. They had traits or qualities that I admired, and so I tried

to include those things in my life.

> Hello,

>

> I thought I'd ask some fellow DOs (daughters of LOL, no offense to

> Sons at all), whether you have ever had " role models " that you

looked

> to in place of your mother and what those relationships were like.

..............................

[Guest guest]

> As an adult, I have met several women whose examples I would want

to

> emulate. They had traits or qualities that I admired, and so I

tried

> to include those things in my life.

>

That is a good way of putting it, too.

One thing I've noticed now that I'm trying to examine everything

is that most of the people I have had in that " role model " place in

my life were somewhat frustrating to me because NOTHING seemed to

bother them. I couldn't imagine that, like they must be stone inside

to not be affected by things that happened. But I'm starting to

believe it was THAT trait that I most needed to learn about because

it's not about being " stone " inside, it's about having things in

perspective and being in control of our emotions and reactions. Very

weird to figure that out, since I always was so frustrated by it.

I'm finding now that I look " up " to people who have had a lot of " bad

things " happen to them in their lives who seem to be doing just fine

in spite of all those things. It is still difficult for me to

imagine havinga " normal life " considering everything but if I pay

attention to these people then I KNOW it's possible. There is no

difference between me and them in the end so there's no reason why I

can't do it too. I know that in the past I did as well as I could

considering the circumstances so I am not going to be hard on myself

or put that down (since I could definitely have been doing much

better), but just try to do better now that I recognize these things.

So at least I am not alone in having role models as an adult