Re: Nada's jealous of father's affection to daughters?

[Guest guest]

I too remember why I stopped showing affection toward my dad, pre-K...and I

started K at 4. My mom routinely looked at me with disgust and contempt, but

this time she snarled (after he'd gone outside to 'shake off' her accusations)

that I was 'nasty' ...I remember her saying 'the words', nasty girl.

And I remember the helplessness in his eyes, she accused him of not loving

her as much as me; yep, it is still that way...if you 'love' her there can be no

room for anyone/thing else.

Is it the same thing have gotten through being 'angry', and yet despising my

mother? I do not live my life acting out anger toward nada; but when she does

come to mind I am now conscious of feeling loathing, repulsion, as if she

were guilty of despicable crimes against humanity. She actually 'checked' my

sister and me when we were very young for 'evidence' of sexual activity.

Loathing and repulsion, yes, that's all I feel toward her now. Carol

In a message dated 3/26/04 10:38:45 PM Eastern Standard Time,

trompalina@... writes:

I used to get up on my father's lap when I was pre-school and kiss him

goodnight. I don't remember how this stopped, but I know why.

[Guest guest]

[it's hard to love one person AROUND another person] What wisdom in that;

thanks Free...very revealing.

I let nada define 'love' for me the first 30 years of my life; married

(someone like) my fada the first time (depressed, N-ish alcoholic). Married a

(what

nada wanted to be) successful professional with 'golden-boy' syndrome the

second time.

The good news: DH, as 'imperfectly perfect' as he is, detests nada. Justice

again...Gramma you are good! Carol

In a message dated 3/26/04 10:44:30 PM Eastern Standard Time,

free_spirit_etc@... writes:

That is something that still makes me sad....how we diluted our love

into something " acceptable. "

It's hard to love one person AROUND another person.

Free

> Hi group,

> Some one here said " diluted " love. I identify with that very much.

I interpret it as how I had to be with my father, him - me.

[Guest guest]

That is something that still makes me sad....how we diluted our love

into something " acceptable. "

It's hard to love one person AROUND another person.

Free

> Hi group,

> Some one here said " diluted " love. I identify with that very much.

I interpret it as how I had to be with my father, him - me.

[Guest guest]

My nada had her own tricks to minimize the relationships between me,

my sister and dad. When I was little, she told dad that he didn't

know enough about what little girls really wanted/needed, so he

shouldn't spend too much time with us. (He believed her.) I know

this, because when I asked to go with him when he was training a dog

for hunting, he told me that nada told him that was not an acceptable

thing to do with a daughter, and he apologized and said that nada

told him he just didn't know enough about little girls.

She did even worse with my sister. She told my sister that my father

loved me more than he loved her. Can you imagine. (Of course you

can, we are talking about a nada!)

I never thought about the relationship with father being diluted, but

it is a good way to describe it. I have very mixed feelings about my

father. He did not protect us from nada, and yet he did give us the

only real love that we knew while growing up.

Sylvia

> I too remember why I stopped showing affection toward my dad, pre-

K...and I

> started K at 4. My mom routinely looked at me with disgust and

contempt, but

> this time she snarled (after he'd gone outside to 'shake off' her

accusations)

> that I was 'nasty' ...I remember her saying 'the words', nasty

girl.

>

> And I remember the helplessness in his eyes, she accused him of not

loving

> her as much as me; yep, it is still that way...if you 'love' her

there can be no

> room for anyone/thing else.

>

> Is it the same thing have gotten through being 'angry', and yet

despising my

> mother? I do not live my life acting out anger toward nada; but

when she does

> come to mind I am now conscious of feeling loathing, repulsion, as

if she

> were guilty of despicable crimes against humanity. She

actually 'checked' my

> sister and me when we were very young for 'evidence' of sexual

activity.

> Loathing and repulsion, yes, that's all I feel toward her now.

Carol

>

>

>

>

> In a message dated 3/26/04 10:38:45 PM Eastern Standard Time,

> trompalina@y... writes:

> I used to get up on my father's lap when I was pre-school and kiss

him

> goodnight. I don't remember how this stopped, but I know why.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

my real fada died when I was 8 so I knew him, but not as well as

could be. I had fond memories though he was probably an npd in

retrospect. None-the-less, he really liked my brother and I and nada

was more the 'waif' type in that marriage. When she remarried 6years

later and I still had feelings for my dad, she started a smear

campaign incorporating my step-fada with crying and telling me how

abusive my dad/fada was to her. They kind of ganged up on me

like 'how could you think so highly of your dad when he pulled all

this shit when he was alive'. It made me look at my dad/fada in a

different light, but I certainly didn't have anymore sympathy for

her or feel sorry for her. I can't say I have an easy time at all

ever feeling sorry for her- its like feeling sorry for the rain.

What's the point? But she's always been jealous and competitive and

just nasty in general.

K

> > I too remember why I stopped showing affection toward my dad,

pre-

> K...and I

> > started K at 4. My mom routinely looked at me with disgust and

> contempt, but

> > this time she snarled (after he'd gone outside to 'shake off'

her

> accusations)

> > that I was 'nasty' ...I remember her saying 'the words', nasty

> girl.

> >

> > And I remember the helplessness in his eyes, she accused him of

not

> loving

> > her as much as me; yep, it is still that way...if you 'love' her

> there can be no

> > room for anyone/thing else.

> >

> > Is it the same thing have gotten through being 'angry', and yet

> despising my

> > mother? I do not live my life acting out anger toward nada; but

> when she does

> > come to mind I am now conscious of feeling loathing, repulsion,

as

> if she

> > were guilty of despicable crimes against humanity. She

> actually 'checked' my

> > sister and me when we were very young for 'evidence' of sexual

> activity.

> > Loathing and repulsion, yes, that's all I feel toward her now.

> Carol

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > In a message dated 3/26/04 10:38:45 PM Eastern Standard Time,

> > trompalina@y... writes:

> > I used to get up on my father's lap when I was pre-school and

kiss

> him

> > goodnight. I don't remember how this stopped, but I know why.

> >

> >

> >