Re: Dan-dangerous assumptions

[Guest guest]

Hi Barb,

<< I am thinking -- there is the possibility that you lost your leg

in a previous life >>

I don't really believe in reincarnation, but I have certainly

considered that explanation, as have others with this condition. I

would think that if I came back in a two-legged body I would be happy

about it, unless my previous life was much happier than this one.

Right now there is nothing wrong with my life except the longing to

be one-legged, and that my wife is leaving this summer. The second

isn't nearly as distressing as the first. My therapist warned me

that 100 times out of 100 in his experience, when someone leaves " to

have some distance and then get back together " , their real motive is

to divorce but they can't admit it to their spouse or even to

themself. My wife says this doesn't apply to her, but I am not

counting on it.

<< But -- your spirit has a new body now -- and this is your chance

to do the many, many things that a person with only one leg cannot

do! >>

I am pursuing that path aggressively, and have been for a long time.

I am doing a lot of hiking, cross-country skiing (the season is about

over), motorcycle riding, and bicycle riding (the season is about to

begin). I really enjoy all these things and I would miss them if I

couldn't do them any more.

The traditional greeting here is " ça va? " (how goes it?). A

customary response is " ça va bien " (it goes well). I always feel

dishonest saying this, because the leg thing eats on me so much. I

picture myself on crutches with a bandaged stump, and saying " ça va

bien " with a big smile and complete sincerity. It sure is strange to

be me.

- Dan

[Guest guest]

Dan,

FWIW - I am working on some personal affirmations, and yesterday, one

of them made me think of your situation. Here is the affirmation:

'My current body is the most precious gift I have ever been given. I

am very grateful for it and will accept it, respect it, and love it

100 percent every day.' Under this affirmation is a list of 10

references to support the affirmation. It was the following

reference that caused me to think of you - 'My body is the physical

representation of who I am.'

Now I hope I can clearly explain how I interpreted this. What I was

wondering is that is your desire to remove your leg because you are

not able to accept yourself as you are 'now'? By that, I mean, in

your mind are you still seeing yourself as the person who cannot be

loved except as an amputee.? Is there any possibility that your

emotional growth isn't at the same place as other aspects of your

personality. (That last sentence sounds trite to me, it is not meant

to be. But I am trying to communicate a sense of something, and

that's difficult for me to do.)

I see you as a survivor....surviving your FOO, a bad first marriage,

continuing creating a life for yourself in spite of some very

difficult circumstances....and continuing on to do so even though you

could give up. You haven't given up, in spite of how difficult, you

have continued moving foward.

I sincerely wish the best for you,

Sylvia

<<<<<<

> Hi Barb,

........(Barb wrote)> << But -- your spirit has a new body now -- and

this is your chance

> to do the many, many things that a person with only one leg cannot

> do! >>

>

(Dan wrote)> I am pursuing that path aggressively, and have been for

a long time.

> I am doing a lot of hiking, cross-country skiing (the season is

about

> over), motorcycle riding, and bicycle riding (the season is about

to

> begin). I really enjoy all these things and I would miss them if I

> couldn't do them any more.

>

> The traditional greeting here is " ça va? " (how goes it?). A

> customary response is " ça va bien " (it goes well). I always feel

> dishonest saying this, because the leg thing eats on me so much. I

> picture myself on crutches with a bandaged stump, and saying " ça va

> bien " with a big smile and complete sincerity. It sure is strange

to

> be me.

>

> - Dan>>>>>

[Guest guest]

Sylvia,

Thanks for your comments.

<< 'My body is the physical representation of who I am.' >>

Yes. I feel like mine isn't.

<< By that, I mean, in your mind are you still seeing yourself as the

person who cannot be loved except as an amputee.? >>

It feels like that is how I am seeing myself, and have always seen

myself.

<< Is there any possibility that your emotional growth isn't at the

same place as other aspects of your personality. >>

I have a very strong feeling that this is true. It just makes the

amputee thing worse - it is another evidence that I am not complete

inside. One of Nada's favorite put-downs was " you are emotionally

immature " - even to a pre-teen. Self-fulfilling prophecy?

- Dan

[Guest guest]

My therapist has been telling me that the last part of the healing is

the emotions catching up to everything else. I know my emotions are

behind all the other growth I have had. But I think I do a good job

on rewording things. For example (tongue-in-cheek), I'll say to

myself...I'm not emotionally immature....I am just so far advanced in

the other areas! LOL. This type of word play helps me look at the

situation differently.

Don't know if this is a 'self'-fullfilling prophesy for you, but in

my experience, I am finally grasping how I have been acting in ways

to confirm all the stupid, stupid stuff my nada told me, about

myself, that wasn't even true! It is like my mind is locked into

thinking like a child....if that is what nada said, it must be true,

and so that is how I have to act. Maybe these are nada-fullfilling

prophesies?

Be kind & gentle to yourself - and strong!

Sylvia

<<<<<

> Sylvia,

>

> Thanks for your comments.

>

> << 'My body is the physical representation of who I am.' >>

>

> Yes. I feel like mine isn't.

>

> << By that, I mean, in your mind are you still seeing yourself as

the

> person who cannot be loved except as an amputee.? >>

>

> It feels like that is how I am seeing myself, and have always seen

> myself.

>

> << Is there any possibility that your emotional growth isn't at the

> same place as other aspects of your personality. >>

>

> I have a very strong feeling that this is true. It just makes the

> amputee thing worse - it is another evidence that I am not complete

> inside. One of Nada's favorite put-downs was " you are emotionally

> immature " - even to a pre-teen. Self-fulfilling prophecy?

>

> - Dan>>>>>>>