Re: New to the Group

[Guest guest]

Hi Mel,

Welcome! It sounds like your nada is trying to make you feel guilty

so that you will do what she wants and so she will not

feel 'abandoned', which is the greatest fear of someone with BPD.

Does your therapist know about BPD and how it affects the children of

a BP parent? Do you and your therapist talk about the boundaries,

how to set them, what to do when nada doesn't respect them? These

are just some questions I am throwing out, and I am not trying to

imply anything with them.

You have a great deal to take care of if you are getting married in 2

months. If you have the time, a really good book to read is

Understanding the Borderline Mother by Lawson. A good book

on how to talk to a borderline, and how to set boundaries is Stop

Walking on Eggshells. Two more good books - Surviving A Borderline

Parent, and a few posts earlier, Edith posted about a new Alice

book (can't remember the name.).

I learned that the most important thing we KOs (Kids Of a Borderline

Parent) can and should do is to make sure we are taking care of

ourselves and getting our needs met. We were not allowed this as

children, and it takes us quite awhile to feel comfortable doing what

is very normal to most people.

One of the reasons it may be hard for you to say how you feel is

because your nada doesn't want to hear it! BPs also like to have the

people around them enmeshed with them - having no thoughts or ideas

that are different from what the BP thinks. Also, a BP doesn't

really know how he/she thinks, and their emotions change so often.

You may have even been told what you should and should not think and

feel....and if you didn't agree, there was something wrong with you!

Getting back to taking care of yourself - focus on that wonderful

wedding and what you want and need. Nada should definitely take a

less important role here - although she won't like it!

Keep on posting - and take care!

Sylvia

> Hi everyone, I'm new to the group. Yesterday was a pretty

difficult

> day, I had planned on going home for Mother's Day but became really

ill

> by Friday and was told by my nada not to come, to come next weekend

> instead, knowing that it would end up getting turned around on me

and

> becoming my fault somehow, which it did. Yesterday she hung up on

me

> after saying that, since I only have one parent left (my dad passed

> away 10 years ago), I should try harder, do more for her. I am

getting

> married in 2 months and I am scared she won't come. I know it

sounds

> crazy, I wonder if it might be better if she didn't, but I am still

> trying to come to terms with her behavior and just beginning to

> understand BP. It is so hard to predict, and I have spent the

better

> part of my life just trying not to rock the proverbial boat with

her,

> to no avail. I wish it were easier for me to say how I feel to

her,

> but when I try I can't - she hangs up the phone, or locks herself

in

> her room. I feel like I am at a complete dead-end with her. Does

> anyone have any advice? My therapist always mentions creating

better

> boundaries, but after a year of doing so, nothing has changed.

>

> Mel

[Guest guest]

Hi Mel,

Welcome! It sounds like your nada is trying to make you feel guilty

so that you will do what she wants and so she will not

feel 'abandoned', which is the greatest fear of someone with BPD.

Does your therapist know about BPD and how it affects the children of

a BP parent? Do you and your therapist talk about the boundaries,

how to set them, what to do when nada doesn't respect them? These

are just some questions I am throwing out, and I am not trying to

imply anything with them.

You have a great deal to take care of if you are getting married in 2

months. If you have the time, a really good book to read is

Understanding the Borderline Mother by Lawson. A good book

on how to talk to a borderline, and how to set boundaries is Stop

Walking on Eggshells. Two more good books - Surviving A Borderline

Parent, and a few posts earlier, Edith posted about a new Alice

book (can't remember the name.).

I learned that the most important thing we KOs (Kids Of a Borderline

Parent) can and should do is to make sure we are taking care of

ourselves and getting our needs met. We were not allowed this as

children, and it takes us quite awhile to feel comfortable doing what

is very normal to most people.

One of the reasons it may be hard for you to say how you feel is

because your nada doesn't want to hear it! BPs also like to have the

people around them enmeshed with them - having no thoughts or ideas

that are different from what the BP thinks. Also, a BP doesn't

really know how he/she thinks, and their emotions change so often.

You may have even been told what you should and should not think and

feel....and if you didn't agree, there was something wrong with you!

Getting back to taking care of yourself - focus on that wonderful

wedding and what you want and need. Nada should definitely take a

less important role here - although she won't like it!

Keep on posting - and take care!

Sylvia

> Hi everyone, I'm new to the group. Yesterday was a pretty

difficult

> day, I had planned on going home for Mother's Day but became really

ill

> by Friday and was told by my nada not to come, to come next weekend

> instead, knowing that it would end up getting turned around on me

and

> becoming my fault somehow, which it did. Yesterday she hung up on

me

> after saying that, since I only have one parent left (my dad passed

> away 10 years ago), I should try harder, do more for her. I am

getting

> married in 2 months and I am scared she won't come. I know it

sounds

> crazy, I wonder if it might be better if she didn't, but I am still

> trying to come to terms with her behavior and just beginning to

> understand BP. It is so hard to predict, and I have spent the

better

> part of my life just trying not to rock the proverbial boat with

her,

> to no avail. I wish it were easier for me to say how I feel to

her,

> but when I try I can't - she hangs up the phone, or locks herself

in

> her room. I feel like I am at a complete dead-end with her. Does

> anyone have any advice? My therapist always mentions creating

better

> boundaries, but after a year of doing so, nothing has changed.

>

> Mel

[Guest guest]

Hi Sylvia -

Thank you for your kind words. I actually just purchased the

books you mentioned and I am anxious to read them. I really only

just started to understand what has been going on all these years!

To think I thought it was me who was doing something wrong. The

wedding has been a source of fighting ever since we announced the

engagement a year ago, not b/c nada dislikes my SO, actually I think

she likes him more than she likes me! We have been together 4 years

and our families have never met b/c she has been unwilling

(actually, something has always conveniently " come up " ). it's

insane. my brother is in a worse situation with her because he lives

a few minutes away from her (i am a few hours away, thankfully). at

28, he is unable to form a relationship with anyone and his social

skills are so poor. i guess years of damage will do that. my stepdad

is an enabler, so it's just a bad situation all-around. i am sure

there is going to be a huge blow-out before the wedding with her.

has anyone ended things, as in completely cut off communication,

with their nada? if so, how did it happen? i have been afraid of my

nada ever since i was little, and i am worried i won't have the

courage to say what i need to her. but i know i need to do it.

mel

> > Hi everyone, I'm new to the group. Yesterday was a pretty

> difficult

> > day, I had planned on going home for Mother's Day but became

really

> ill

> > by Friday and was told by my nada not to come, to come next

weekend

> > instead, knowing that it would end up getting turned around on

me

> and

> > becoming my fault somehow, which it did. Yesterday she hung up

on

> me

> > after saying that, since I only have one parent left (my dad

passed

> > away 10 years ago), I should try harder, do more for her. I am

> getting

> > married in 2 months and I am scared she won't come. I know it

> sounds

> > crazy, I wonder if it might be better if she didn't, but I am

still

> > trying to come to terms with her behavior and just beginning to

> > understand BP. It is so hard to predict, and I have spent the

> better

> > part of my life just trying not to rock the proverbial boat with

> her,

> > to no avail. I wish it were easier for me to say how I feel to

> her,

> > but when I try I can't - she hangs up the phone, or locks

herself

> in

> > her room. I feel like I am at a complete dead-end with her.

Does

> > anyone have any advice? My therapist always mentions creating

> better

> > boundaries, but after a year of doing so, nothing has changed.

> >

> > Mel

[Guest guest]

Hi Sylvia -

Thank you for your kind words. I actually just purchased the

books you mentioned and I am anxious to read them. I really only

just started to understand what has been going on all these years!

To think I thought it was me who was doing something wrong. The

wedding has been a source of fighting ever since we announced the

engagement a year ago, not b/c nada dislikes my SO, actually I think

she likes him more than she likes me! We have been together 4 years

and our families have never met b/c she has been unwilling

(actually, something has always conveniently " come up " ). it's

insane. my brother is in a worse situation with her because he lives

a few minutes away from her (i am a few hours away, thankfully). at

28, he is unable to form a relationship with anyone and his social

skills are so poor. i guess years of damage will do that. my stepdad

is an enabler, so it's just a bad situation all-around. i am sure

there is going to be a huge blow-out before the wedding with her.

has anyone ended things, as in completely cut off communication,

with their nada? if so, how did it happen? i have been afraid of my

nada ever since i was little, and i am worried i won't have the

courage to say what i need to her. but i know i need to do it.

mel

> > Hi everyone, I'm new to the group. Yesterday was a pretty

> difficult

> > day, I had planned on going home for Mother's Day but became

really

> ill

> > by Friday and was told by my nada not to come, to come next

weekend

> > instead, knowing that it would end up getting turned around on

me

> and

> > becoming my fault somehow, which it did. Yesterday she hung up

on

> me

> > after saying that, since I only have one parent left (my dad

passed

> > away 10 years ago), I should try harder, do more for her. I am

> getting

> > married in 2 months and I am scared she won't come. I know it

> sounds

> > crazy, I wonder if it might be better if she didn't, but I am

still

> > trying to come to terms with her behavior and just beginning to

> > understand BP. It is so hard to predict, and I have spent the

> better

> > part of my life just trying not to rock the proverbial boat with

> her,

> > to no avail. I wish it were easier for me to say how I feel to

> her,

> > but when I try I can't - she hangs up the phone, or locks

herself

> in

> > her room. I feel like I am at a complete dead-end with her.

Does

> > anyone have any advice? My therapist always mentions creating

> better

> > boundaries, but after a year of doing so, nothing has changed.

> >

> > Mel

[Guest guest]

Mel:

I too am a newbie to this list

Yep Weddings do stir things up - someone else actually daring to be the

center of attention for a bit can be hard. :-) My Nada blew up before my

sister's wedding and had a minor meltdown before mine.

I conveniently live 1 hour away from my BPD mom and I have found that when

she has a blow up, I won't call or communicate with her for several weeks -

then when I do, I don't mention or interact with her about the blow-up. I

find that the more I interact with her, the more upset she gets. She knows

that when she 'acts up " she won't be seeing me or my family for a while. She

always wants to go through incidents and I find the more I interact with

her, the worse it gets.

It's hard for the wedding as it's not something you can leave if she acts up

- I agree that setting up a very clear reduced role for her in the wedding

is important. I've used my Dad to run interference - IE if she's going to

have a meltdown to let her know that her behavior is not OK. (Not something

he'd normally do, as it's like raising your hand and saying " focus on me! "

but for a wedding, he would have done it.)

The two best pieces of advice I've gotten on dealing w/ BPD's have been:

1. Only meet with them in a place you can leave from, IE restaurant, park,

museum, etc.

2. Don't assume that any conversation you are going to have with them will

go rationally. (This was a huge thing for me, as I noticed that when I was

getting ready to have a conversation with her, I'd get all my facts lined

up, review Stop Walking on Eggshells, and be all ready - but I still had

VERY strong expectations that it was going to go rationally. When I really

got in touch with this and let go of the expectations I had, I found that

the conversations went a lot better)

Good luck, and congratulations on your wedding!

--

>

> Hi Sylvia -

>

> Thank you for your kind words. I actually just purchased the

> books you mentioned and I am anxious to read them. I really only

> just started to understand what has been going on all these years!

> To think I thought it was me who was doing something wrong. The

> wedding has been a source of fighting ever since we announced the

> engagement a year ago, not b/c nada dislikes my SO, actually I think

> she likes him more than she likes me! We have been together 4 years

> and our families have never met b/c she has been unwilling

> (actually, something has always conveniently " come up " ). it's

> insane. my brother is in a worse situation with her because he lives

> a few minutes away from her (i am a few hours away, thankfully). at

> 28, he is unable to form a relationship with anyone and his social

> skills are so poor. i guess years of damage will do that. my stepdad

> is an enabler, so it's just a bad situation all-around. i am sure

> there is going to be a huge blow-out before the wedding with her.

>

> has anyone ended things, as in completely cut off communication,

> with their nada? if so, how did it happen? i have been afraid of my

> nada ever since i was little, and i am worried i won't have the

> courage to say what i need to her. but i know i need to do it.

>

> mel

>

>

>

> > > Hi everyone, I'm new to the group. Yesterday was a pretty

> > difficult

> > > day, I had planned on going home for Mother's Day but became

> really

> > ill

> > > by Friday and was told by my nada not to come, to come next

> weekend

> > > instead, knowing that it would end up getting turned around on

> me

> > and

> > > becoming my fault somehow, which it did. Yesterday she hung up

> on

> > me

> > > after saying that, since I only have one parent left (my dad

> passed

> > > away 10 years ago), I should try harder, do more for her. I am

> > getting

> > > married in 2 months and I am scared she won't come. I know it

> > sounds

> > > crazy, I wonder if it might be better if she didn't, but I am

> still

> > > trying to come to terms with her behavior and just beginning to

> > > understand BP. It is so hard to predict, and I have spent the

> > better

> > > part of my life just trying not to rock the proverbial boat with

> > her,

> > > to no avail. I wish it were easier for me to say how I feel to

> > her,

> > > but when I try I can't - she hangs up the phone, or locks

> herself

> > in

> > > her room. I feel like I am at a complete dead-end with her.

> Does

> > > anyone have any advice? My therapist always mentions creating

> > better

> > > boundaries, but after a year of doing so, nothing has changed.

> > >

> > > Mel

>

>

>

>

> Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

> 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

> http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------

> *

[Guest guest]

Mel:

I too am a newbie to this list

Yep Weddings do stir things up - someone else actually daring to be the

center of attention for a bit can be hard. :-) My Nada blew up before my

sister's wedding and had a minor meltdown before mine.

I conveniently live 1 hour away from my BPD mom and I have found that when

she has a blow up, I won't call or communicate with her for several weeks -

then when I do, I don't mention or interact with her about the blow-up. I

find that the more I interact with her, the more upset she gets. She knows

that when she 'acts up " she won't be seeing me or my family for a while. She

always wants to go through incidents and I find the more I interact with

her, the worse it gets.

It's hard for the wedding as it's not something you can leave if she acts up

- I agree that setting up a very clear reduced role for her in the wedding

is important. I've used my Dad to run interference - IE if she's going to

have a meltdown to let her know that her behavior is not OK. (Not something

he'd normally do, as it's like raising your hand and saying " focus on me! "

but for a wedding, he would have done it.)

The two best pieces of advice I've gotten on dealing w/ BPD's have been:

1. Only meet with them in a place you can leave from, IE restaurant, park,

museum, etc.

2. Don't assume that any conversation you are going to have with them will

go rationally. (This was a huge thing for me, as I noticed that when I was

getting ready to have a conversation with her, I'd get all my facts lined

up, review Stop Walking on Eggshells, and be all ready - but I still had

VERY strong expectations that it was going to go rationally. When I really

got in touch with this and let go of the expectations I had, I found that

the conversations went a lot better)

Good luck, and congratulations on your wedding!

--

>

> Hi Sylvia -

>

> Thank you for your kind words. I actually just purchased the

> books you mentioned and I am anxious to read them. I really only

> just started to understand what has been going on all these years!

> To think I thought it was me who was doing something wrong. The

> wedding has been a source of fighting ever since we announced the

> engagement a year ago, not b/c nada dislikes my SO, actually I think

> she likes him more than she likes me! We have been together 4 years

> and our families have never met b/c she has been unwilling

> (actually, something has always conveniently " come up " ). it's

> insane. my brother is in a worse situation with her because he lives

> a few minutes away from her (i am a few hours away, thankfully). at

> 28, he is unable to form a relationship with anyone and his social

> skills are so poor. i guess years of damage will do that. my stepdad

> is an enabler, so it's just a bad situation all-around. i am sure

> there is going to be a huge blow-out before the wedding with her.

>

> has anyone ended things, as in completely cut off communication,

> with their nada? if so, how did it happen? i have been afraid of my

> nada ever since i was little, and i am worried i won't have the

> courage to say what i need to her. but i know i need to do it.

>

> mel

>

>

>

> > > Hi everyone, I'm new to the group. Yesterday was a pretty

> > difficult

> > > day, I had planned on going home for Mother's Day but became

> really

> > ill

> > > by Friday and was told by my nada not to come, to come next

> weekend

> > > instead, knowing that it would end up getting turned around on

> me

> > and

> > > becoming my fault somehow, which it did. Yesterday she hung up

> on

> > me

> > > after saying that, since I only have one parent left (my dad

> passed

> > > away 10 years ago), I should try harder, do more for her. I am

> > getting

> > > married in 2 months and I am scared she won't come. I know it

> > sounds

> > > crazy, I wonder if it might be better if she didn't, but I am

> still

> > > trying to come to terms with her behavior and just beginning to

> > > understand BP. It is so hard to predict, and I have spent the

> > better

> > > part of my life just trying not to rock the proverbial boat with

> > her,

> > > to no avail. I wish it were easier for me to say how I feel to

> > her,

> > > but when I try I can't - she hangs up the phone, or locks

> herself

> > in

> > > her room. I feel like I am at a complete dead-end with her.

> Does

> > > anyone have any advice? My therapist always mentions creating

> > better

> > > boundaries, but after a year of doing so, nothing has changed.

> > >

> > > Mel

>

>

>

>

> Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

> 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

> http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------

> *

[Guest guest]

Thanks . So many people on this list seem like they have

established really strong boundaries for dealing with nada, and I'm

not there yet, so it helps to hear that it CAN be different! she had

already been mad that we are having a small wedding out of the

country that she had no part in planning and no say in. i know that

b/c she isn't getting any attention this way, it isn't " fun " for

her, so she is trying to create as much drama as she can in other

ways. it has been a mess, but we (me and my SO) are determined to

let this go unspoiled by her. after her INSANE behavior on Sunday,

I am ready to throw in the towel and walk away from her for good.

But, b/c of my own issues and insecurities (fleas?), I am afraid.

Thanks for your advice. I am beginning to understand about not

expecting things to go rationally, even if I prepare myself first. I

just really want a mother, I guess. I'm tired of being one to her

and my brother.

Mel

> > > > Hi everyone, I'm new to the group. Yesterday was a pretty

> > > difficult

> > > > day, I had planned on going home for Mother's Day but became

> > really

> > > ill

> > > > by Friday and was told by my nada not to come, to come next

> > weekend

> > > > instead, knowing that it would end up getting turned around

on

> > me

> > > and

> > > > becoming my fault somehow, which it did. Yesterday she hung

up

> > on

> > > me

> > > > after saying that, since I only have one parent left (my dad

> > passed

> > > > away 10 years ago), I should try harder, do more for her. I

am

> > > getting

> > > > married in 2 months and I am scared she won't come. I know

it

> > > sounds

> > > > crazy, I wonder if it might be better if she didn't, but I

am

> > still

> > > > trying to come to terms with her behavior and just beginning

to

> > > > understand BP. It is so hard to predict, and I have spent

the

> > > better

> > > > part of my life just trying not to rock the proverbial boat

with

> > > her,

> > > > to no avail. I wish it were easier for me to say how I feel

to

> > > her,

> > > > but when I try I can't - she hangs up the phone, or locks

> > herself

> > > in

> > > > her room. I feel like I am at a complete dead-end with her.

> > Does

> > > > anyone have any advice? My therapist always mentions

creating

> > > better

> > > > boundaries, but after a year of doing so, nothing has

changed.

> > > >

> > > > Mel

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be

ordered via

> > 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go

to:

> > http://www.BPDCentral.com

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------

> > *

[Guest guest]

Thanks . So many people on this list seem like they have

established really strong boundaries for dealing with nada, and I'm

not there yet, so it helps to hear that it CAN be different! she had

already been mad that we are having a small wedding out of the

country that she had no part in planning and no say in. i know that

b/c she isn't getting any attention this way, it isn't " fun " for

her, so she is trying to create as much drama as she can in other

ways. it has been a mess, but we (me and my SO) are determined to

let this go unspoiled by her. after her INSANE behavior on Sunday,

I am ready to throw in the towel and walk away from her for good.

But, b/c of my own issues and insecurities (fleas?), I am afraid.

Thanks for your advice. I am beginning to understand about not

expecting things to go rationally, even if I prepare myself first. I

just really want a mother, I guess. I'm tired of being one to her

and my brother.

Mel

> > > > Hi everyone, I'm new to the group. Yesterday was a pretty

> > > difficult

> > > > day, I had planned on going home for Mother's Day but became

> > really

> > > ill

> > > > by Friday and was told by my nada not to come, to come next

> > weekend

> > > > instead, knowing that it would end up getting turned around

on

> > me

> > > and

> > > > becoming my fault somehow, which it did. Yesterday she hung

up

> > on

> > > me

> > > > after saying that, since I only have one parent left (my dad

> > passed

> > > > away 10 years ago), I should try harder, do more for her. I

am

> > > getting

> > > > married in 2 months and I am scared she won't come. I know

it

> > > sounds

> > > > crazy, I wonder if it might be better if she didn't, but I

am

> > still

> > > > trying to come to terms with her behavior and just beginning

to

> > > > understand BP. It is so hard to predict, and I have spent

the

> > > better

> > > > part of my life just trying not to rock the proverbial boat

with

> > > her,

> > > > to no avail. I wish it were easier for me to say how I feel

to

> > > her,

> > > > but when I try I can't - she hangs up the phone, or locks

> > herself

> > > in

> > > > her room. I feel like I am at a complete dead-end with her.

> > Does

> > > > anyone have any advice? My therapist always mentions

creating

> > > better

> > > > boundaries, but after a year of doing so, nothing has

changed.

> > > >

> > > > Mel

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be

ordered via

> > 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go

to:

> > http://www.BPDCentral.com

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------

> > *

[Guest guest]

Thanks . So many people on this list seem like they have

established really strong boundaries for dealing with nada, and I'm

not there yet, so it helps to hear that it CAN be different! she had

already been mad that we are having a small wedding out of the

country that she had no part in planning and no say in. i know that

b/c she isn't getting any attention this way, it isn't " fun " for

her, so she is trying to create as much drama as she can in other

ways. it has been a mess, but we (me and my SO) are determined to

let this go unspoiled by her. after her INSANE behavior on Sunday,

I am ready to throw in the towel and walk away from her for good.

But, b/c of my own issues and insecurities (fleas?), I am afraid.

Thanks for your advice. I am beginning to understand about not

expecting things to go rationally, even if I prepare myself first. I

just really want a mother, I guess. I'm tired of being one to her

and my brother.

Mel

> > > > Hi everyone, I'm new to the group. Yesterday was a pretty

> > > difficult

> > > > day, I had planned on going home for Mother's Day but became

> > really

> > > ill

> > > > by Friday and was told by my nada not to come, to come next

> > weekend

> > > > instead, knowing that it would end up getting turned around

on

> > me

> > > and

> > > > becoming my fault somehow, which it did. Yesterday she hung

up

> > on

> > > me

> > > > after saying that, since I only have one parent left (my dad

> > passed

> > > > away 10 years ago), I should try harder, do more for her. I

am

> > > getting

> > > > married in 2 months and I am scared she won't come. I know

it

> > > sounds

> > > > crazy, I wonder if it might be better if she didn't, but I

am

> > still

> > > > trying to come to terms with her behavior and just beginning

to

> > > > understand BP. It is so hard to predict, and I have spent

the

> > > better

> > > > part of my life just trying not to rock the proverbial boat

with

> > > her,

> > > > to no avail. I wish it were easier for me to say how I feel

to

> > > her,

> > > > but when I try I can't - she hangs up the phone, or locks

> > herself

> > > in

> > > > her room. I feel like I am at a complete dead-end with her.

> > Does

> > > > anyone have any advice? My therapist always mentions

creating

> > > better

> > > > boundaries, but after a year of doing so, nothing has

changed.

> > > >

> > > > Mel

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be

ordered via

> > 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go

to:

> > http://www.BPDCentral.com

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------

> > *

[Guest guest]

Mel:

Good luck - it's REALLY hard at first. Then it got easier. The first time I

cut out contact, I did it for 6 months and it was soooo hard. But it

gradually gets better. The thing that is SOOO bizarre about it, is the same

way the BP can turn their emotions on a dime, I found after a while when

they had a blow up, you'd wait 2-4 weeks to talk to them, and then if you

just acted like everything was normal, they'd have totally forgotten the

blow-up. It's totally bizarre. I explained to my sister who's been trying to

do this, to not under any circumstances call my Mom after she exploded at

her for 10 days, then to call and act like nothing had happened and it would

be OK. It was and she was weirded out, that she could be so angry and then

just have it be " gone. "

Unfortunately for your wedding, I think you need to start giving your nada

firm and clear guidance about what you expect. I always consult Stop walking

on Eggshells to make sure I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. Expect to have

her blow up 1-3 nights before the wedding - most likely the night before

(ugh!). (This happened reliably at my sister's wedding and my wedding) And

strive for a Zen-like non-attachment. I've always found that when I can be

non-attached to any specific outcome things go better. Also, not having come

to the wedding should be on the table as a realistic option.

BTW, my wife of 5 years thought I had a racket about my Mom and was just

complaining too much about her until she blew up at her at my son's 2 year

old b-day party. Now she realizes I was correct. It's pretty hard for people

who've never had this kind of experience to get it. I kicked her out of the

party and my house - that made a strong impression. Though she's taken the

tact of saying " I just don't know what I did, why can't you explain it to

me. " Needless to say, I'm not going there.

I'm thinking positive good thoughts about your wedding and hope that

everything goes well for you. It is really hard - that is the most

frustrating thing about it - you just want your Mom to be normal and be a

mom. However, I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon for most of

us.

Cheers,

>

> Thanks . So many people on this list seem like they have

> established really strong boundaries for dealing with nada, and I'm

> not there yet, so it helps to hear that it CAN be different! she had

> already been mad that we are having a small wedding out of the

> country that she had no part in planning and no say in. i know that

> b/c she isn't getting any attention this way, it isn't " fun " for

> her, so she is trying to create as much drama as she can in other

> ways. it has been a mess, but we (me and my SO) are determined to

> let this go unspoiled by her. after her INSANE behavior on Sunday,

> I am ready to throw in the towel and walk away from her for good.

> But, b/c of my own issues and insecurities (fleas?), I am afraid.

> Thanks for your advice. I am beginning to understand about not

> expecting things to go rationally, even if I prepare myself first. I

> just really want a mother, I guess. I'm tired of being one to her

> and my brother.

>

> Mel

>

>

> > > > > Hi everyone, I'm new to the group. Yesterday was a pretty

> > > > difficult

> > > > > day, I had planned on going home for Mother's Day but became

> > > really

> > > > ill

> > > > > by Friday and was told by my nada not to come, to come next

> > > weekend

> > > > > instead, knowing that it would end up getting turned around

> on

> > > me

> > > > and

> > > > > becoming my fault somehow, which it did. Yesterday she hung

> up

> > > on

> > > > me

> > > > > after saying that, since I only have one parent left (my dad

> > > passed

> > > > > away 10 years ago), I should try harder, do more for her. I

> am

> > > > getting

> > > > > married in 2 months and I am scared she won't come. I know

> it

> > > > sounds

> > > > > crazy, I wonder if it might be better if she didn't, but I

> am

> > > still

> > > > > trying to come to terms with her behavior and just beginning

> to

> > > > > understand BP. It is so hard to predict, and I have spent

> the

> > > > better

> > > > > part of my life just trying not to rock the proverbial boat

> with

> > > > her,

> > > > > to no avail. I wish it were easier for me to say how I feel

> to

> > > > her,

> > > > > but when I try I can't - she hangs up the phone, or locks

> > > herself

> > > > in

> > > > > her room. I feel like I am at a complete dead-end with her.

> > > Does

> > > > > anyone have any advice? My therapist always mentions

> creating

> > > > better

> > > > > boundaries, but after a year of doing so, nothing has

> changed.

> > > > >

> > > > > Mel

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> > > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be

> ordered via

> > > 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go

> to:

> > > http://www.BPDCentral.com <http://www.bpdcentral.com/>

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ------------------------------

> > > *

[Guest guest]

Well, Mel - hey that rhymes! Ok, it's getting late!

I cut communication off with my nada when I get to very end of my rope

and can't take it any more. So far, since I found out nada has this

BPD almost 2 years ago, it's occurred 3 times. Then I try and let

the communication happen again. Well, eventually it all goes back to

the way it was. If you read any of my past posts,you will see what a

nada can do to your kids. So, by all means, before you have kids,

heavily set boundaries wi nada is a good thing. If you don't, see

what happened to my and my daughter (she is now almost 15; I just

moved out of nada's house with daughter just over 2 years ago after

dealing with waaaaaay too much craziness). When your nada is

threatening your kids you eventually find courage to say what's needed

all right. Trick is keeping the boundaries in place b/c nadas are

always imposing on them, trying to move them around, etc. It's rather

tiring.

Glad you found us at least; just that will help you have some courage!

Those books are great, too!

Theresa

> has anyone ended things, as in completely cut off communication,

> with their nada? if so, how did it happen? i have been afraid of my

> nada ever since i was little, and i am worried i won't have the

> courage to say what i need to her. but i know i need to do it.

>

> mel

[Guest guest]

Well, Mel - hey that rhymes! Ok, it's getting late!

I cut communication off with my nada when I get to very end of my rope

and can't take it any more. So far, since I found out nada has this

BPD almost 2 years ago, it's occurred 3 times. Then I try and let

the communication happen again. Well, eventually it all goes back to

the way it was. If you read any of my past posts,you will see what a

nada can do to your kids. So, by all means, before you have kids,

heavily set boundaries wi nada is a good thing. If you don't, see

what happened to my and my daughter (she is now almost 15; I just

moved out of nada's house with daughter just over 2 years ago after

dealing with waaaaaay too much craziness). When your nada is

threatening your kids you eventually find courage to say what's needed

all right. Trick is keeping the boundaries in place b/c nadas are

always imposing on them, trying to move them around, etc. It's rather

tiring.

Glad you found us at least; just that will help you have some courage!

Those books are great, too!

Theresa

> has anyone ended things, as in completely cut off communication,

> with their nada? if so, how did it happen? i have been afraid of my

> nada ever since i was little, and i am worried i won't have the

> courage to say what i need to her. but i know i need to do it.

>

> mel

[Guest guest]

Hi Mel,

Welcome to the group. You will this to be a very supportive

environment, with someone willing to help with just about any KO

situation you experience. I love this group!

I wanted to share with you that your thoughts about your nada not

coming to your wedding being a good thing certainly have some truth to

them. I have a fada, I have been married twice, and he hasn't been to

either wedding. My first wedding was when I was in my early 20's, a

fairytale wedding. I had a year long engagement to plan, invited 300

guests to the ceremony which was held in the church I grew up in. Two

or three weeks before the wedding my fada blew up at me in front of

me, my fiance, my mother, and my minister. He ranted for an hour

about how awful I was, then " threatened " to not come to the wedding,

saying I would just have to walk down the aisle by myself. At first I

was devastated he would try to ruin my big day, but my family and my

future in-laws rallied around me and we went on with the ceremony and

reception as planned. My brother gave me away and that in itself was

very special. The day was much more pleasant not having to worry

about what fada might say or do. In hindsight he did me a big favor

by removing himself from the wedding ceremony and reception.

That marriage ended in divorce and just a few years ago I married

someone else who had also been previously married. We didn't want a

big ceremony, partly because it was a second marriage for both of us

but a big part was I didn't want to feel obligated to include fada

(before I knew about BPD). My mother and his kids were the only ones

at our wedding, so we sent wedding announcements afterwards and threw

a reception for friends and family a few weeks later. Was a perfect

solution.

Someone posted earlier a comment that weddings are always a big deal

for nadas and fadas because the center of attention is not on them.

This is something to keep in mind when deciding whether you want your

nada there or not. Its not her big day, its yours, but she likely

won't grasp that and there is a high potential for a BPD temper

tantrum, for lack of a better description.

You need to do what is best for you on your big day, do what makes you

happy. And if that means certain people that traditionally are

present won't be invited, so be it. Its your day.

To end on a good note, congratulations on your engagement and welcome

to your new extended KO family!

Jeanine

>I am getting

> married in 2 months and I am scared she won't come. I know it

sounds

> crazy, I wonder if it might be better if she didn't >

> Mel

[Guest guest]

Hi Mel,

Welcome to the group. You will this to be a very supportive

environment, with someone willing to help with just about any KO

situation you experience. I love this group!

I wanted to share with you that your thoughts about your nada not

coming to your wedding being a good thing certainly have some truth to

them. I have a fada, I have been married twice, and he hasn't been to

either wedding. My first wedding was when I was in my early 20's, a

fairytale wedding. I had a year long engagement to plan, invited 300

guests to the ceremony which was held in the church I grew up in. Two

or three weeks before the wedding my fada blew up at me in front of

me, my fiance, my mother, and my minister. He ranted for an hour

about how awful I was, then " threatened " to not come to the wedding,

saying I would just have to walk down the aisle by myself. At first I

was devastated he would try to ruin my big day, but my family and my

future in-laws rallied around me and we went on with the ceremony and

reception as planned. My brother gave me away and that in itself was

very special. The day was much more pleasant not having to worry

about what fada might say or do. In hindsight he did me a big favor

by removing himself from the wedding ceremony and reception.

That marriage ended in divorce and just a few years ago I married

someone else who had also been previously married. We didn't want a

big ceremony, partly because it was a second marriage for both of us

but a big part was I didn't want to feel obligated to include fada

(before I knew about BPD). My mother and his kids were the only ones

at our wedding, so we sent wedding announcements afterwards and threw

a reception for friends and family a few weeks later. Was a perfect

solution.

Someone posted earlier a comment that weddings are always a big deal

for nadas and fadas because the center of attention is not on them.

This is something to keep in mind when deciding whether you want your

nada there or not. Its not her big day, its yours, but she likely

won't grasp that and there is a high potential for a BPD temper

tantrum, for lack of a better description.

You need to do what is best for you on your big day, do what makes you

happy. And if that means certain people that traditionally are

present won't be invited, so be it. Its your day.

To end on a good note, congratulations on your engagement and welcome

to your new extended KO family!

Jeanine

>I am getting

> married in 2 months and I am scared she won't come. I know it

sounds

> crazy, I wonder if it might be better if she didn't >

> Mel

[Guest guest]

Hi Mel,

Welcome to the group. You will this to be a very supportive

environment, with someone willing to help with just about any KO

situation you experience. I love this group!

I wanted to share with you that your thoughts about your nada not

coming to your wedding being a good thing certainly have some truth to

them. I have a fada, I have been married twice, and he hasn't been to

either wedding. My first wedding was when I was in my early 20's, a

fairytale wedding. I had a year long engagement to plan, invited 300

guests to the ceremony which was held in the church I grew up in. Two

or three weeks before the wedding my fada blew up at me in front of

me, my fiance, my mother, and my minister. He ranted for an hour

about how awful I was, then " threatened " to not come to the wedding,

saying I would just have to walk down the aisle by myself. At first I

was devastated he would try to ruin my big day, but my family and my

future in-laws rallied around me and we went on with the ceremony and

reception as planned. My brother gave me away and that in itself was

very special. The day was much more pleasant not having to worry

about what fada might say or do. In hindsight he did me a big favor

by removing himself from the wedding ceremony and reception.

That marriage ended in divorce and just a few years ago I married

someone else who had also been previously married. We didn't want a

big ceremony, partly because it was a second marriage for both of us

but a big part was I didn't want to feel obligated to include fada

(before I knew about BPD). My mother and his kids were the only ones

at our wedding, so we sent wedding announcements afterwards and threw

a reception for friends and family a few weeks later. Was a perfect

solution.

Someone posted earlier a comment that weddings are always a big deal

for nadas and fadas because the center of attention is not on them.

This is something to keep in mind when deciding whether you want your

nada there or not. Its not her big day, its yours, but she likely

won't grasp that and there is a high potential for a BPD temper

tantrum, for lack of a better description.

You need to do what is best for you on your big day, do what makes you

happy. And if that means certain people that traditionally are

present won't be invited, so be it. Its your day.

To end on a good note, congratulations on your engagement and welcome

to your new extended KO family!

Jeanine

>I am getting

> married in 2 months and I am scared she won't come. I know it

sounds

> crazy, I wonder if it might be better if she didn't >

> Mel

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

About half of our Group voted that they thought their EN was at least

somewhat hormonally caused:

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/erythema_nodosum_Group/surveys?id=1109557

So you aren't alone by any means.

I've treated EN with bedrest and leg elevation. I also use a TEDS

anti-embolism stocking on the left leg where I get EN. I have a mild

case, and have never needed to use meds. I think if you can keep the

edema down it will be less painful to walk. Do you have fever, malaise

and joint pain too? I am lucky not to usually get that--just one or 2

lumps in the usual place on the usual leg. I'm pretty sure I have the

type of EN called " EN Migrans " which is a rarer form of EN.

Nice that you'll have a baby after all your suffering. Good luck!

Shins up!

Love,

[Guest guest]

Hi - since you are pregnant and you can't take anything to help with the swelling try eating fresh pineapple. I had terrible swelling with my 1st pregnancy - it worked! and i ate lots of it during my bout with EN - helped allot. And it's all natural so it won't effect your pregnancy.

I posted this once before and looked it up and posted a link about it - check it out

http://www.thehealthierlife.co.uk/article/2833/swollen-joints.html

~

New to the Group

It is so wonderful to find this group for EN. I have been a chronic sufferer for 7 years now and I have never known anyone to share the same symptoms. It is a relief to know that I am not the only one out there. The Dr seems to feel that my EN breakouts are primarily supported my hormone levels. They are worse when I am pregnant or nursing. I am currently pregnant with my second child and enduring a lot of pain. I have been suffering from one place on my leg that has been broken out now for 6 months and it causing difficulty with walking and swelling in my feet. Already an issue when pregnant. I am very interested in hearing from others and how you have dealt with the condition and also your remedies to help make the breakouts go away. I need relief!

[Guest guest]

Great Info - Thank you! Maybe that is why I have actually been

craving fresh pineapple - lol!

Thank you

New to the Group

>

>

> It is so wonderful to find this group for EN. I have been a

> chronic

> sufferer for 7 years now and I have never known anyone to share

> the

> same symptoms. It is a relief to know that I am not the only

> one out

> there.

>

> The Dr seems to feel that my EN breakouts are primarily

> supported my

> hormone levels. They are worse when I am pregnant or nursing. I

> am

> currently pregnant with my second child and enduring a lot of

> pain.

>

> I have been suffering from one place on my leg that has been

> broken

> out now for 6 months and it causing difficulty with walking and

> swelling in my feet. Already an issue when pregnant.

>

> I am very interested in hearing from others and how you have

> dealt

> with the condition and also your remedies to help make the

> breakouts

> go away. I need relief!

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your information.

Unfortunately I have had a breakout nearly all of the time over the

past 7 years since the start of my EN. I currently have 15 breakout

areas. 7 of which are at least 2 inches in diameter and they go up to

even my thighs. I am so uncofortable right now and nothing seems to

make it better. Especially with the pregnancy swelling on top of it

all.

Is there anything that I can do to help outside of bedrest? Working

full time an dhvaing a preschooler and being pregnant has not allowed

me to relax much.

I am really desperate for relief.

Hi ,

About half of our Group voted that they thought their EN was at least

somewhat hormonally caused:

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/erythema_nodosum_Group/surveys?id=1109557

So you aren't alone by any means.

I've treated EN with bedrest and leg elevation. I also use a TEDS

anti-embolism stocking on the left leg where I get EN. I have a mild

case, and have never needed to use meds. I think if you can keep the

edema down it will be less painful to walk. Do you have fever, malaise

and joint pain too? I am lucky not to usually get that--just one or 2

lumps in the usual place on the usual leg. I'm pretty sure I have the

type of EN called " EN Migrans " which is a rarer form of EN.

Nice that you'll have a baby after all your suffering. Good luck!

Shins up!

Love,

[Guest guest]

>he said there was no such thing as adult onset asthma

Don't we wish! My brother didn't have a symptom until, in his forties, he wound up in the emergency room on oxygen. Now he is on Advair twice a day. I was asthma free for several years until it came back in my fifties.

Mike

[Guest guest]

,

You snuck in on me! I missed your post over the weekend. I'm sorry to be so long in responding. First, welcome to the group. This is a very knowledgeable and caring group of people. Some who have family members with asthma, some who have had asthma all their lives, and some who like me have adult onset asthma. Yes I said adult onset.. You really should consult with an asthma specialist and have some breathing tests done call spirometry. That testing will confirm wether your breathing patterns do indicate asthma and the specialist will then work with you to find a medication regimin that will help. It can be frustrating and confusing. There are many different controller medications and rescue medications in many different forms. A lot of people here see a pulmonologist, but I have found my asthma specialist to be much more in tune with me. Especially as he has asthma

himself. Please feel free to pipe in anytime. I don't think there is a question you have that someone here can't answer.

Madeline

Subject: New to the GroupTo: asthma Date: Saturday, March 28, 2009, 1:06 PM

Hello, I am new to the group. I am from Texas and am in my fifties and think I may have had asthma all my life and it was undiagnosed. As a kid I had allergies. I always had sinus infections and was always on some type of allergy pill. The thing I remember about those days that makes me think I had asthma too is that I always had a cough from the drainage in my throat and I remember I coughed so much it would irritate the teachers. As an adult about 4 years ago I was on a "field trip" with my Master Gardener's class and suddenly felt like my chest was tight and having a hard time breathing. I went to the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack. I was taken to the hospital and all kinds of tests but it was not a heart attack.I have always had frequent bouts of the coughing and mucus drainage problem but in the past year it has gotten worse and I have had more moments where not only is the drainage a problem but it is

harder to breathe. I started allergy shots about 7 months ago after finally deciding to try them in hopes it would help. They did a breathing test on me and I passed it but I was not feeling bad that day. Still the doctor gave me Symbicort and Proventil. I also recently started using Mucinex at the suggestion of a friend and have found it helps but sometimes not enough.I never really even knew what would constitute a reason to use the Proventil until I was on vacation last week and I was having such tremendous coughing and heavy breathing fits and cough drops were not helping that I tried the Proventil in my purse and it helped. While on vacation I had to use the Proventil alot and I think it was because of a combination of being in a different area and because I was traveling everyday in the car with my husband who smokes. When I got back home from the vacation I started looking up information about asthma and from what I am

reading the mucus is also a sign of asthma. I told my husband about this and he said there was no such thing as adult onset asthma and I said that according to what I have read I think there is and that actually I have had it all my life. He still doesnt believe I have asthma but I think it is just because he knows his smoking is a problem for me. Anyway, I didnt mean to make this so long but I have had a life time of dealing with these frustrating symptoms and am just ready to find some answers and relief. I dont notice any relief from the Symbicort and wonder what else I might take that would be better and what else I can do to keep from going through all this misery. Thanks to all who took the time to read this.

[Guest guest]

Hi . Welcome to our group. I am like you. I believe I have had asthma all my life, but was never diagnosed until I was older. I am also from Texas. This is a great group. I have learned a great deal since I joined this group.

Lou

>> Hello, I am new to the group. I am from Texas and am in my fifties and think I may have had asthma all my life and it was undiagnosed. As a kid I had allergies. I always had sinus infections and was always on some type of allergy pill. The thing I remember about those days that makes me think I had asthma too is that I always had a cough from the drainage in my throat and I remember I coughed so much it would irritate the teachers. > > As an adult about 4 years ago I was on a "field trip" with my Master Gardener's class and suddenly felt like my chest was tight and having a hard time breathing. I went to the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack. I was taken to the hospital and all kinds of tests but it was not a heart attack.> > I have always had frequent bouts of the coughing and mucus drainage problem but in the past year it has gotten worse and I have had more moments where not only is the drainage a problem but it is harder to breathe. > > I started allergy shots about 7 months ago after finally deciding to try them in hopes it would help. They did a breathing test on me and I passed it but I was not feeling bad that day. Still the doctor gave me Symbicort and Proventil. I also recently started using Mucinex at the suggestion of a friend and have found it helps but sometimes not enough.> > I never really even knew what would constitute a reason to use the Proventil until I was on vacation last week and I was having such tremendous coughing and heavy breathing fits and cough drops were not helping that I tried the Proventil in my purse and it helped. While on vacation I had to use the Proventil alot and I think it was because of a combination of being in a different area and because I was traveling everyday in the car with my husband who smokes. > > When I got back home from the vacation I started looking up information about asthma and from what I am reading the mucus is also a sign of asthma. I told my husband about this and he said there was no such thing as adult onset asthma and I said that according to what I have read I think there is and that actually I have had it all my life. He still doesnt believe I have asthma but I think it is just because he knows his smoking is a problem for me. > > Anyway, I didnt mean to make this so long but I have had a life time of dealing with these frustrating symptoms and am just ready to find some answers and relief. I dont notice any relief from the Symbicort and wonder what else I might take that would be better and what else I can do to keep from going through all this misery. Thanks to all who took the time to read this. > >

[Guest guest]

welcome to the group, I am new here as well.

FINALLY!!!!!!! Someone who knows exactlly what I have been going through for a

year. I didn't have asthma problems as a child, but did have allergies. just

in the past year did I end up with all you described with the mucus and the

coughing, and the mucinex not helping.

There is such thing as adult onset asthma. My sister and I are both examples of

it, as I am sure many others are.

I do hope you are on an inhaler now, as that is a great help

hope you feel better

> >

> > Hello, I am new to the group. I am from Texas and am in my fifties and

> think I may have had asthma all my life and it was undiagnosed. As a kid

> I had allergies. I always had sinus infections and was always on some

> type of allergy pill. The thing I remember about those days that makes

> me think I had asthma too is that I always had a cough from the drainage

> in my throat and I remember I coughed so much it would irritate the

> teachers.

> >

> > As an adult about 4 years ago I was on a " field trip " with my Master

> Gardener's class and suddenly felt like my chest was tight and having a

> hard time breathing. I went to the emergency room thinking I was having

> a heart attack. I was taken to the hospital and all kinds of tests but

> it was not a heart attack.

> >

> > I have always had frequent bouts of the coughing and mucus drainage

> problem but in the past year it has gotten worse and I have had more

> moments where not only is the drainage a problem but it is harder to

> breathe.

> >

> > I started allergy shots about 7 months ago after finally deciding to

> try them in hopes it would help. They did a breathing test on me and I

> passed it but I was not feeling bad that day. Still the doctor gave me

> Symbicort and Proventil. I also recently started using Mucinex at the

> suggestion of a friend and have found it helps but sometimes not enough.

> >

> > I never really even knew what would constitute a reason to use the

> Proventil until I was on vacation last week and I was having such

> tremendous coughing and heavy breathing fits and cough drops were not

> helping that I tried the Proventil in my purse and it helped. While on

> vacation I had to use the Proventil alot and I think it was because of a

> combination of being in a different area and because I was traveling

> everyday in the car with my husband who smokes.

> >

> > When I got back home from the vacation I started looking up

> information about asthma and from what I am reading the mucus is also a

> sign of asthma. I told my husband about this and he said there was no

> such thing as adult onset asthma and I said that according to what I

> have read I think there is and that actually I have had it all my life.

> He still doesnt believe I have asthma but I think it is just because he

> knows his smoking is a problem for me.

> >

> > Anyway, I didnt mean to make this so long but I have had a life time

> of dealing with these frustrating symptoms and am just ready to find

> some answers and relief. I dont notice any relief from the Symbicort and

> wonder what else I might take that would be better and what else I can

> do to keep from going through all this misery. Thanks to all who took

> the time to read this.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome . Your childhood sounds like mine was. I was only diagnosised Dec 2007 with asthma. Have your dr keep trying new meds until you find one that works.

Cheryl Burton ncicheryl@...

To: asthma Sent: Saturday, March 28, 2009 10:06:48 AMSubject: New to the Group

Hello, I am new to the group. I am from Texas and am in my fifties and think I may have had asthma all my life and it was undiagnosed. As a kid I had allergies. I always had sinus infections and was always on some type of allergy pill. The thing I remember about those days that makes me think I had asthma too is that I always had a cough from the drainage in my throat and I remember I coughed so much it would irritate the teachers. As an adult about 4 years ago I was on a "field trip" with my Master Gardener's class and suddenly felt like my chest was tight and having a hard time breathing. I went to the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack. I was taken to the hospital and all kinds of tests but it was not a heart attack.I have always had frequent bouts of the coughing and mucus drainage problem but in the past year it has gotten worse and I have had more moments where not only is the drainage a problem but it is harder

to breathe. I started allergy shots about 7 months ago after finally deciding to try them in hopes it would help. They did a breathing test on me and I passed it but I was not feeling bad that day. Still the doctor gave me Symbicort and Proventil. I also recently started using Mucinex at the suggestion of a friend and have found it helps but sometimes not enough.I never really even knew what would constitute a reason to use the Proventil until I was on vacation last week and I was having such tremendous coughing and heavy breathing fits and cough drops were not helping that I tried the Proventil in my purse and it helped. While on vacation I had to use the Proventil alot and I think it was because of a combination of being in a different area and because I was traveling everyday in the car with my husband who smokes. When I got back home from the vacation I started looking up information about asthma and from what I am reading

the mucus is also a sign of asthma. I told my husband about this and he said there was no such thing as adult onset asthma and I said that according to what I have read I think there is and that actually I have had it all my life. He still doesnt believe I have asthma but I think it is just because he knows his smoking is a problem for me. Anyway, I didnt mean to make this so long but I have had a life time of dealing with these frustrating symptoms and am just ready to find some answers and relief. I dont notice any relief from the Symbicort and wonder what else I might take that would be better and what else I can do to keep from going through all this misery. Thanks to all who took the time to read this.

[Guest guest]

I was diagnsed out of the blue aged 22. I was told that it was an unusual age, though no entirely unheard of, to get diagnosed at.

Jenn

Tha can tek t'lass outta Yorkshire...!

Don't brand me, don't classify me, don't tell me what to wear. I'll be who I want to be, and I'm proud to be me.

Subject: Re: New to the GroupTo: asthma Date: Monday, 30 March, 2009, 5:18 PM

>he said there was no such thing as adult onset asthma

Don't we wish! My brother didn't have a symptom until, in his forties, he wound up in the emergency room on oxygen. Now he is on Advair twice a day. I was asthma free for several years until it came back in my fifties.

Mike